Was I wrong to make my 2 year old do this?

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

That's because it is not in the form of an epiphany jools but a gradual understanding that is arrived at without punishment.

Jooly, I have successfully trained puppies! The analogy is redundant.

With respect, my point has been made and remains: you cannot - and IMO should not desire to - 'train' a toddler into adult behaviour. The process of growth is gradual for our children - as it was (or should have been) for you and I. There is no need for an epiphany in terms of understanding how to 'fit' into society. In fact, I want ds to be somewhat liberated from that burden. It's not as scary or anarchic as you would believe.

I know my children are not winking and laughing at me behind my back, because I have eyes in the back of my head (hehehe!) I have, however, now pschyed myself out about whether or not remorse is a valid emotion for anyone !!!
I'm not sure what the nuances of adult life are, tbh! Its all fairly simple in my book- its not yours, its not nice to take it, it hurts the other person, I would like you to return it and apologise. I honestly can't see the trauma in that. Obviously, if my child was shy/ scared/ frightened I wouldn't make her apologise. But, despite my radically strict and Victorian parenting, my kids are none of these, and are perfectly capable of voicing their acquiescence/ objections!

It is learning by doing for children. I think basics like having respect for others, being polite etc, these things are the things that our children learn by observing our behaviour, and by copying them.

Of course we have to, at some point, sit down and explain things to them. Explain that calling someone a cow is unacceptable and that hurts their feelings, for example. And that stealing is wrong. But I do not think that they learn this at 2yo, probably closer to 4yo.

And saying sorry is just an extension of that. I stopped making DS say sorry for anything he had done wrong and just told him that I was not happy with his behaviour. Now, at 3.5yo he apologises if he does something wrong, and I feel that he is sorry.

Walnut, I would like my children to question authority and status quo too

Agree gomez.

FAQ - I hope you are not "" - no need. Hopefully room for further discussion if you are willing

Having said that, any further discussion on my part may be consigned to tomorrow - argh, it is already tomorrow!

Good night and enjoyed the chat.

Kinder- you are spot on with the fact that children do as we do not as we say

Nice to be in agreement with someone.

And on that note, goodnightxxx

Goodnight

Interestingly, (or not ) I like my dcs to feel confident to question authority - albeit with respect.

But I am often surprise how disrespectful adn rude adults can be in response. From ignoring to patronising to telling off for backchat!

I hasten to add we have discussed and practised respectful ways of questioning orders or saying no. She isn't being cheeky but she isn't treated with respect because she is a child.

hmm, not relevant except that this talk of babies respecting adult suatoms and rules made me think of how it isn't always reciprocated.

Shit they've all gone to bed.

Fair 'nuff

Night all

Agree ruff, not complicated is it?

Jools, - I really am going to bed now! - but would like to respond - I do respect what you are saying: this is a discussion forum after all. I would just raise the point that however 'well' we know our children, none of us are 'known' that well by another and certainly it is my experience that most children are expected to understand adult concepts beyond their years as adults have an irrational fear that children must be taught to behave beyond their years or perish! Actually, I personally find many adult concepts are unquestioned nonsense but that's by the by.

If we are all here open to questioning our own beliefs and behaviours then we are at least making some headway.

Look forward to any further posts when I get the chance to return.

whoops, overdid the 'adult concept' bit there. hope you get the gist! (2 glasses of wine ffs)

'night to all!

goodness, I've got to get a few loaves out of Spar before it shuts.

stealing and not apologising of course

Hey walnut- nice to have a swap of views without it getting silly!I don't want me kids to behave beyond their years but they amaze me sometimes with their understanding - maybe that is just my kids though, as you've said!!

And apologise for those loaves, do you hear me!! Or so help me God, I will drag you into the spar and make you!! (you know deep down, you want to anyway!)

me kids??? Oh my God, when did I move 700 miles South??

I meant my kids, of course

1000 apologies!!

poor old faq you seemed to have just got jumped on for just stating the obvious. Everyone parents differently. If we all did the same our dc would all be carbon copies of each other and that would be boring. I dont know what i would do in that situation and think i will just go with my instincts. Just remember ladies we are not the same and it is always gonna be like that. Stop stressing and have one of my milk tray< offers large box around>

walnut - agree with you emphatically.

i have had 3 cups of tea nadn sobered up a little

APOLOGIES if i was rude ot anyone

parenting is not a rule book. we each do our best for our children

exactly NP

i hope i havent offended anyone

naily (if you got rude i didnt notice, i skipped a portion of the thread as i found it late...)

besides, you were on the side i agree with so you wouldnt have offended me anyway