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Original poster

Was I wrong to make my 2 year old do this?

248 replies

milliec · 08/03/2008 15:54

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TrinityRhino · 08/03/2008 21:48

I would probablt have paid for it
she can learn that lesson later
she didn't have a blueprint of the shop and been scoping it for what she could nick, she's 2 ffs

Astrophe · 08/03/2008 21:51

and let her keep it Trinity? After you'd already said she could not have it?

misdee · 08/03/2008 21:51

would have doen the same thing. dd1 attempted to 'steal' a dvd from virgin megastore thing. in fact she picked it up and ran out full pelt out of the shop! i had to grab her (she was under 3 but only just IIRC), and bring her back the shop, where she handed it over to a staff member said sorry, then cried all the way home about wanting a dvd. tyhe one she picked up was one she already had.

now dd3, well she is very lightfingered. she is just 3, but however many times igo over and over it with her, she sees nothing wrong with grabbing stuff and trying to stuff it down the footmuff. fortunatly, she does know we have to pay for things now, so once i get to the checkout she does uncover her 'hoarde' if i havent spotted it before.

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Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 21:52

Wow. There's a lot of 'lesson learning' on this thread. At 32, I am still learning and expect (hope) I always will be. I certainly don't think a 2 year old will comprehend the social mores expected by some posters here - can't we give children time to grow up rather than please other adults?

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 08/03/2008 21:53

well done for being so straight with your DD milliec i think you did exactly the right thing and i would do this myself when/if the situation arises with my DD (also 2). this happened to me when i was about 3/4. i took a lip gloss from the makeup counter in our local bric a brac shop and when my mum found out later that day she marched me back into the shop to apologise and give it back to the man who owned it. i remember crying for ages but no lasting damage and i have never stolen since so lesson learned
just a quick question though to whoever said they would have paid for the item (i cant remember who said it sorry) would that not send the wrong message to the child?? like if i want something i can steal it and mummy will pay for it later?? or would you also return the stolen item?? (not a critiscism just a query)
xx ei xx

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:00

But what lesson is learned EiWish? Not the comprehensive lesson you are now (as an adult) reflecting upon? A 2-yr-old will be reacting to fear and worry of parental disaproval without understanding why.

I look at my 2 year old and I'm on his side. I want to help him understand the world, but not because 'I said so' at age 2. TWO!

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:01

"whoever said they would have paid for the item (i cant remember who said it sorry) would that not send the wrong message to the child??"

Without disrespect, Ei, were you really that comprehending at age 2? ...

mrsruffallo · 08/03/2008 22:02

Thanks walnut
Yes, I am serious A- the child is 2 yrs old.
You putting too much responsility on small shoulders- they won't grasp the concept other than I am bad

aquababe · 08/03/2008 22:02

walnutshell
i think you under-estimate just how much a 2yr old knows;-)

nailpolish · 08/03/2008 22:02

i think its a shame on a 2 yr old

a little chat about it afterwards would have sufficed

poor wee lamb

mrsruffallo · 08/03/2008 22:05

Why is paying for it the wrong message?
Everyone is happy that way.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 08/03/2008 22:06

I think you did the right thing- especially as you praised her for returning it and saying sorry! My 2yr old is certainly capable of understanding the concept of having to pay for things, and from what you said about her role-playing it out with her dolls later, it sounds like yours does too.

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:07

aquababe - it's no good winking at me, I am rather more interested to know what you apparently knew as a 2 year old.

Yes, exactly, MrsR, nailp.

nailpolish · 08/03/2008 22:07

oh for fuck sake you lot she is 2 years old

give her some slack

poor little mite

elesbells · 08/03/2008 22:08

my dd is almost two and has no idea what stealing is. She sees something and she wants it - its what two year olds do.

I would have took it back, said no ect. but I wouldn't have marched her in and made her apologise for something she doesn't/can't understand yet.

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:08

"My 2yr old is certainly capable of understanding the concept of having to pay for things"

an economic genius on your hands then.

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 08/03/2008 22:10

i think that a 2 year old is quite able to begin to understand the rights and wrongs of the world (imo) and if a child spends alot of his/her early years being shown (by inaction) that it is ok to take what isnt theirs and then all of a sudden is told 'no you mustnt do that (steal etc)' then would that not be more confusing to the child than if they are always told it is wrong to steal?? it is personal preference and parenting style so obviously there will be differences in opinion here but i myself start as i mean to go on and i feel that it is better to be consistant (possibly a little strict) than to allow my child free reign and confuse them with a new set of 'rules' later in life. (sorry not meaning to offend just my opinion)
xx ei xx

aquababe · 08/03/2008 22:13

Walnut
I'd have known it was wrong to take something if my mum told me no!

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:14

No offence taken Ei.

There appears to be a lot of emphasis on teaching a very young child the 'ways of the world' (and sometimes with little regard to where those rules come from) rather than investing time in a gradual approach of growth and understanding which is surely implied by the very nature of human development. Why does a 2 year old need to understand the concept of stealing? I didn't at that age - who did? Who needs to?

mrsruffallo · 08/03/2008 22:15

I think this fear that if you don't teach them a lesson then they will always steal from shops is ridiculous.
A child of two does not grasp the concept of shoplifting and will learn eventually as all children learn- by copying what we do rather than what we say

elesbells · 08/03/2008 22:15

Agree with walnut

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:17

Hello aqua:
"Walnut: I'd have known it was wrong to take something if my mum told me no! "

Well, I much rather want ds to understand why something is wrong and that comes with time, not because mummy says so. What happens when the child, rightly, starts thinking independently and what 'mummy says' isn't enough?

Walnutshell · 08/03/2008 22:19

You certainly cannot "train" a 2 year old into behaving the way you want them to at 12, 19, 35... thank goodness.

mrsruffallo · 08/03/2008 22:21

Good posts walnut- very sensible yerself

nailpolish · 08/03/2008 22:22

my eldest is 5 and i dont thnk i would have "marched" her into a charity shop. never mind a 2 yr old

i would have had a chat and then taken toy back and spoke to shplady with dd