Was I wrong to make my 2 year old do this?

[milliec]

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At the age of two, many children think "What mine is mine, what yours is yours". Unless they are told otherwise they will never learn.

A lot depends on the development of the child and 28 month old children langauge skills vary lot. It is hard to tell off a child who has next to no speech. However if the child has reasonable language skills then they might comprehend a telling off.

If it had been me I would have taken the toy back to the shop with the child. I would have apologised to the staff with the child watching and listening.

Sometimes actions speak more than words.

But do YOU understand and question this? Honestly, every time you say sorry, do you first analyse your feelings to see if you really are genuinely remorseful? Even if it is just bumping into someone in the street? Or do you never apologise unless you believe that you, and you alone, were in the wrong?

Yes nail, if only I could apply this level of analysis when I were 2 - nope, couldn't do it.

christ no wonder children of today have so much on their shoulders

Reallytired, children think that at the age of 2 BECAUSE THEY ARE 2. It's Ok. As adults we gradually expose them to social mores and - hopefully - equip them with confidence and intellectual ability to question these. This does not imply a lack of respect at age 2 or beyond.

I also see the 'law of the jungle' prevailing at the hands of those far older and more responsible than a 3 year old.

I agree! And maybe if their mothers had gently shown them the way when they were younger.....

Walnut- love your post 23:15

What d'ya mean Naily?

jooly - I am 32. My son is 2. Sorry, I can't find a better way to hammer that home. It's ridiculous to apply how I feel about a situation at age 32 because that is not how I felt about any situation at age 2, 12 or 22... I have grown, he will grow.

i mena we expect all this froma 2 yr old??? unbelievable

aw, fanx ruff

What's on children of today's shoulders? It's a two minute lesson in a 24day full of far more fun and understanding than there was when we were kids! My 2yr old is made of pretty tough stuff- I'm pretty sure she doesn't lie awake at night going over every time she was told not to do something that day! She's far more likely to talk about/ remember the "good stuff" (eg the worms she saw up the park!) I don't see it as a heavy lesson in morals, just a bit of guidance.

It is not the word sorry but the act of humiliating the child and telling her that she has been stealing that is wrong
She is 2 years old.
I am confident that my children will learn to be responsible people in a quiet and confident kind of way, yes
Actually I don't go round all day saying sorry either

You are giving guidance in who you and how you live anyway- unneccesary to put guilt on her shoulders over a purely instinctive act

How wil your son know if you don't tell him?? I'm really not getting this- do you think he will learn it at school or it will just come to him? How?

guidance is talking to them nad helping them understand not marching them up to strangers and making them publicly apologise

2 years old??? Children of 2 are still fighting over toys ffs. Do you all march your dc and make them apologise?

I don't,i explain gently that we have to share. Marching in to apologise and scaring dc half to death is not on!!

Ruff: It is not the word sorry but the act of humiliating the child and telling her that she has been stealing that is wrong - YEP
She is 2 years old. - YEP
I am confident that my children will learn to be responsible people in a quiet and confident kind of way, yes - YEP ME TOO!
Actually I don't go round all day saying sorry either - ME EITHER

Jool: "My 2yr old is made of pretty tough stuff- I'm pretty sure she doesn't lie awake at night going over every time she was told not to do something that day!" - so if she can't do that, how on earth can she process the moral dilemmas you are expecting her to?

Yeah but what do we expect?

Not sure who I'm grouping with that wee.

I can see that making a 2 year old say sorry to a grouwn up is harsh. yup. But suggesting apologising other times to peers etc doesn't feel harsh to me. Note I say suggesting not making.

I completely agree that forcing the issue is not something I'd do. But neither do I feel bad (so far - but keep talking) that my ds says sorry to his sis when he hurts her. Is that bad? Am I making him feel horribly responsible for causing pain? Note that I don't ask him to say sorry he says it because when I've stood on my dd's foot I say sorry, or when she's knocked him over she's says sorry.

aGal -

Thank god the sensible mothers have come to this thread!...I thought I was alone

Walnutshell, I agree with you. Children at the age of 2 are still developing a sense of self. They do not have a theory of mind yet at that age and do not have the cunning yet to be a thief. Most children aren't sneaky until a lot older. A lot of two year olds don't understand the toilet yet alone stealing!

Most children have to learn the hard way that not everything belongs them. In my son's case it was getting told off for pinching cake off my plate or eating ALL the chocolates at two years old.

However he is a well behaved six year old who doesn't steal.

Because he goes shopping with me and sees me pay and will gradually realise the concept.
My dd is nearly 5 and she occasionally took things from shops aged 2- I never made a big deal of it but would take them back and paty for them- it was only ever something small.
She hasn't done it since and is conscientious about paying for things and saves up to buy herself things she wants. My point is she is old enough to realise daddy goes to work, earns money, therefore it is precios and we buy things with it- she wouldn't have got this at 2 and she is very bright
No need to panic- this child is very young

Ack slow typer tongiht

yes I agree with mrs ruf

NO to marching and humiliation

No to shame

Jooly
Don't you think that if your DC is standing beside you and hears you apologise for the stealing of something, that he/she might actually learn something?

Most of what we "teach" our children is not taught consciously, our children learn by watching us and copying us.