Was I wrong to make my 2 year old do this?

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

I agree nail polish- my eldest is nearly 5 and I wouldn't march her in.
Why would I want to make her ashamed?

I do not agree that a 2yo would fully comprehend what stealing is.

I think that marching the child back into the shop and making her apologise was OTT.

I would have taken it back and apologised, but not made my DD apologise.

When I worked in a shop a young boy came up to the till and handed over some pencils that he had stolen. He was about 7 or 8yo and was crying, very ashamed and upset. His father made him apologise. I felt a bit sorry for him, but realised that it was the right thing to do. The right decision at that age, but not for a 2yo.

h'exactly, nail - why is there always a need for parents to assert themselves to the nth degree instead of understanding and explaining? If your 2 year old is so damn smart and devious to have planned a raid on the local Spar, they can probably also understand why that is not acceptable... otherwise - yep, they are just an ordinary 2-year-old.

ta ruff, I've liked your posts for a while

raid on local spar

lol

Glad to see others agree it was a wee bit harsh, had begun to think I was out of kilter there at the start.

Agree with Walnut et al.

it's not like a child wakes up one morning aged 3 years 4 months capable of understanding and therefore of being told off/being guided to make ammends. it's the other way round - their understanding grows because they have been taught. and teaching through actions - like the op's - is an effective way of teaching them. probably more effective than a words-only explanation.

no idea how the ones who'll get the toy bought for them are going to learn...

Through patience and compassion rather than shame and fear?
Just a guess

you've got me thinking of my tiny dd in a balaclava going in for a raid

My 2 yr old wouldn't know it was stealing. She is only little isn't she? Think you were a bit ott tbh.

marchng a child intoa shop to say sorry is not teaching

sirry but it aint

I don't think it's too much to explain to a 2yr old that just taking something , after they have been told they can't have it, and it doesn't belong to them, is wrong. Why is it different from telling her she can't take a toy away from another child?? Or would you just let them take the toy and to hang with the poor child whose toy it was?? To me, it's the same lesson- it's not nice to take what isn't yours. Maybe my 2 yr old IS a genius (always knew that anyway!! )but I'm pretty sure she could understand that.

no i thnk you have got me wrong

i wouldnt let my child ahve the toy
id talk to her about it, then take it back myself immediately

i certainly woundt march my 2 yr old or force her to apologise toa scary charity shop wifie

Nothing against telling the child that it is wrong to take something without paying for it. Of course this is an important thing to teach the child.

It is expecting the child to understand this concept and show remorse that is unreasonable.

"What happens when the child, rightly, starts thinking independently and what 'mummy says' isn't enough? "

When????? My child is already extremely independent.

She already knows the difference between right and wrong.
This is because we have always shown her through our actions and our words

totally agree joolyjoolyjoo

Agree with naily.

Slur on Sat 08-Mar-08 15:59:13
Sorry think you probably were a wee bit harsh there. Fair enough to tell her why its wrong especially because you had already explained she couldn't have it, I would have been a bit cross and told her why and then gently encouraged her to apologise herself but personally I wouldn't have forced her.

Apologising to other adults you don't know is so scary, for adults! let alone 2 year olds.

-----------

My dd has torn a library book before and I talked to her about it, explained why it was wrong and careless. I said I thought the librarians deserved an apology, she looked terrified at the thought. I consider myself her advocate so I offered to do the talking.

Don't see the problem with that.

joolyjoo, yep, maybe she is a genius (great, more of them please!), or maybe she is just trying to please mummy and not know why BECAUSE SHE IS TOO YOUNG... Please let there be scope for growing up in a world that actually doesn't treat children very well and certainly doesn't get it right every time.

it seems to be the use of the word "march" that is upsetting people here. It does kind of suggest a degree of manhandling/ firmness that maybe the OP didn't really mean. it kind of depends how the apology was brought about, iyswim. If you explained that it wasn't nice to take things that don't belong to you, now we'll go in and give it back to the nice lady and say sorry...well done, you were a clever girl, and wasn't the lady happy that you brought it back, maybe you can have (insert option)as a reward for taking it back to the lady...then is it still harsh? the OP did say the lady was lovely, and that her dd wasn't crying until they got back outside, without the toy, so maybe it wasn't as harsh as all that.

My ds took a Mr Men book from Tesco at around the same age and i took it back and apologised to the cashier. I explained to ds and he didn't understand at all.

FGS it doesn't mean dc are going to end up in prison for burglary does it????

Oh FFS! She made her child go and apologise, she didn't whip her with birch twigs in the middle of the high street.

last week ds was at the pick and mix taking forever to pick his 5 sweets, when i realised dd (2) was eating gummy bears straight from the display. i couldn't do a bloody thing for laughing.
so shoot me.

Aquababe, your child is 2. Two. TWO!

With respect, she is not "extremely independent." I hope.

i agree jolly my DD knows it is wrong to take from another child and so should have some understanding of taking something from a shop being wrong. she doesnt need to know why it is wrong at this stage (that can be taught in time) just that it is simply wrong
xx ei xx

Walnutshell, BabyDragon is just 2 and she is fiercely independent.

ItsPotatoes - can't shoot you for laughing!

Soupdragon - you don't have to whip your child with birch twigs to have made a mistake.

I do miraculously seem to have 'taught' my 21 month old about paying in shops... not that it was a conscious effort. Just she got to the point while doing our grocery shop of spotting things she fancied. And I decided that if she spotted something that it was sensible for her to have (e.g. babybel cheeses; humzingers) then I would say 'yes, but you can't eat it until we've paid') and she would clutch the allowed item and as soon as we'd paid I would let her tuck in.

A few weeks ago, days after we breastfed for the last time ( ) she said 'boob, yilk' and I had to say 'sorry, it's all gone'... to which she replied 'shop, money, pay', presumably thinking we could pop down the Total and fill me up...

And she got fed up with me trying to choose a present in mothercare yesterday and started shouting 'pay' very loudly.

With all this in mind I think if she 'stole' something, going back in and demonstrating the act of paying for the item before leaving with it could possibly be a more positive way of showing her what you're supposed to do.