Mums now in their 60s who had children late 30s/40s

[Raaraaaaa9]

Hello,

I have developed an awful anxiety about my age and my children. I had my youngest at 38 and I just get in a panic about how he will only be early 20's when I am in my 60s and potentially won't get to enjoy his adult years for as long as I have had my mum. I worry about getting ill when they are teens and god for bid them having to look after me or their father (3 years older). I am sad that this is how I think and can't enjoy the now. Started councelling but just wondering those of yiu who are in their 60s can give me some positive insights!

I can give the opposite end of the stick - I’m in my early 30s and my parents are in their late 60s. I find their aging a source of anxiety. My partners parents are a decade younger than mine and I wish I had those extra 10 years of adult life with my parents. But equally, we never know what the future holds. I hope to have many, many more years with my parents. But I must admit it is a source of fear for me. It feels like time is running through my fingers too fast!

I had a child in my mid 20s and another 10 years later. I’m now early 60s. So I’m fit enough to look after my grandchildren, still enjoy a night out with my children, still have to stop them bickering when they're together!
I work part time now and most of my work colleagues are the same ages as my children. I’m just as energetic as some of them.
Don’t worry, you're not old when you're in your 60s!!!

My parents had me at a similar age to you having your youngest.

They are now in their late sixties, extremely healthy still, very fit and no signs of needing any support from us kids. They still do childcare for my brother’s baby, volunteer, look after my grandmother who is in her late 80s. They do more for me and my DH than we do for them.

My in laws were in their early thirties when they had my DH, so both at least 5 years younger than my parents. They’ve had much worse health and now rely on us for quite a lot. They won’t travel too much without one of their kids with them after a difficult experience being ill abroad. MiL has long Covid and has been very unwell at times.

I guess what I’m saying is that there is every chance you will be like my parents and super well and healthy well into your 60s. My mum actually always says it’s having me that little bit older that has helped her stay feeling younger.

My mum was late 30s when she had me and my siblings.

She's now near 70 and it's worked brilliantly. She was semi retired for my siblings university age so could support them. She is physically fit and now has her grandchild weekly.

60 is young these days if you can keep your health.

My mum had me and my younger sister in her 40s. I'm now 40 myself and the DPs are obviously not as spry as they were 20 years, but they're fit, live life and don't need any care.

Women have been having babies into their 40s for as long as humanity has existed. These days many people stay fit and 'young' long past when they would have in days of yore. Don't worry so much, and don't borrow trouble.

Not exactly the positive insight OP was asking for

my parents were 36 and 40 when they had me and I agonised most of my youth about them being older / dying earlier than all my friends parents etc. I'm now 40 and still have both of them in relatively good health, whereas almost everyone else in my group of school friends has lost at least one parent already. try not to waste time worrying about this .. stay fit, look after yourself and things can be great x

It’s luck of the draw, OP. My parents had me in their late 30’s, my Mum developed a chronic condition and died in her 60’s, my Dad is still going strong at 85.

But, my Mum was wonderful and I’m so glad that I had her for over 20 years. ❤️ Her life experience was a huge part of this, she always said then she wasn’t ready to be a parent earlier so I’m glad that she waited.

Here’s some perspective.I’m now in my sixties, my kids are mid twenties. We’re all fine. I was in my thirties when they were born. I’m still working, although half time and still feel fit. I enjoy seeing my kids starting off on their careers and lives and want to see them thrive.

My parents were older when I was born-my mother died when I was 15 and she was 57. My dad died a couple of years later. I had to look after myself from a young age as my mum was in hospital. When people have no choice, they cope. I cherish every day now as I know life can be cut short-whatever your age. What it did teach me was that I wanted my kids to be able to look after themselves. I encouraged independence and the idea that they can solve any problem life throws at them. Now I’m older than my mother when she died, my attitude is to make the most of your time here. Make good friends. Have fun with your kids. If you’re constantly fretting about what may happen, you forget to enjoy the now. We’ll all die at some point. Some before their time. Chances are if you’re fit and healthy in your forties you’ve got enough time left to see them grow to adulthood and thrive.

My mum had me at 21. She died at 56.

There’s never a guarantee.

Mine were in their 30s and then 40 when my youngest sibling was born. Became grandparents in their late sixties. All quite normal in my social circles. I am lucky that they keep active and despite a couple of fairly major health scares/illnesses, are still well and able to do most of what they want, although I have noticed some slowing up in the last five years (mid-seventies), which I attribute partly to health (one DP had a very serious illness but is now better) and to the impact of Covid. I do think it’s important to keep both physically and mentally active, and emotionally engaged with these, as you age.

My parents were in their 40s when they had me and my sibling. There are pros as well as cons.
On the plus side:
lives lived before kids so we were full focus
Mature and sensible by that age
Financially secure and been able to support us with deposits

Downsides:
I'm dealing with elderly parents 10-15 years earlier than my peers and finding that quite lonely (but this is less likely to be an issue for your kids as it's much more common now)
Not young or fit enough to help with my kids
My dd will lose both of them before she's an adult, probably at least one before she's a teen.

When I was a teenager and they were 60-ish it was no big deal to me, they were still fit and young in spirit. It started to get harder once they were 75+.

I do wish I'd have longer with them but I'm in my 40s and still have two reasonably active parents so can't really complain. It's life, most of us lose our parents one day.

My paternal grandmother had my dad in her late 30s. She passed this summer at the age of 101 and he is in his sixties. My maternal grandfather was 23 when my mother was born and she lost him when she was 33 as he died of lung cancer at 56. There are no guarantees. Enjoy what you have and do your best for your kids for as long as you can - that’s what we all can do regardless of when we had them.

You cannot go back in time
You could be fighting fit into your 70s and enjoying time with your adult kids
But you can work and earn now so that you can
make sure you have good retirement income so you can afford private carers and home help when time comes.
No one knows when you will be infirm etc it might only be in your 90s

My mum was 36 when she had me and my dad was 44! They are now 85 and 78 and I'm only just starting to really notice them aging a bit!
My Dad had a hip replacement over the summer and that's the first time they've needed any support from me and now he's recovered they're back as they were. I am 40.

The only thing that I really feel sad about is that my kids won't realistically have them in their lives for longer. I'd say they're not as involved as younger grandparents might be as they get tired but they do help a bit.

I know just how you feel because i had my children at 35 and 38. It's horrible when your mind ticks over like that .

My mum had me at 36, 30 years later she's just retired and fit as a fiddle and loving life.
Just do what's within your control to stay healthy.

Mid to late thirties is a very normal age to have children - most people are still fit, active and working in their 60s, it's no age at all! I was 38 when we had DC3, DH was 44, and so far, so good - neither of us are worrying about our demise just yet!

I am curious to know why you agonised over this for much of your youth. Did people bring up your parents’ age to you a lot? Did your parents express the worry themselves? It’s surprising to me, and I hope I can avoid this happening with children I know.

Really don't worry @Raaraaaaa9 you don't know what the future holds!

DH's dad had him when he was 18 and died at 56 when DH was 37.

My parents were 43 and 47 when they had me and died in their 90's. I was 51 when mum died last year aged 94.

You cant second guess any of this

My parents were 40 when they had me and my mum has sadly died but my dad is in his 70's and his still fairly healthy and active. His parents lived until their 90's.

On other hand I know some people who are retired but struggling to look after parents who are still living.

@comfyshoes2022 40-50 years ago, it was still less common to have children later so you were aware that your parents were older than other people’s. I’m 48 and like @Leo227 , I was also v. aware that my parents were older. It did worry me, especially as my Mum developed a chronic condition when I was a toddler.

Nowadays many people have children later so it wouldn’t be noticeable.

@comfyshoes2022 no one ever brought It up I don't think, it was just something I was aware of that my parents were around 10 years older than all my friends, and so in my mind they would die 10 years earlier. if my parents could have helped me at all I guess it would be to show and know of more people with older parents, where things have worked out well, just showing that it's not something to have fear over. but it's much more common now, so I don't think I'd have the same worries these days.

I can give you a take from the other side of things. I am in my very early 20s, parents mid late 50s. They were only mid 30s when they had me, which is normal by today’s standards but I do feel anxious about it if I think about it- which is crazy, nobody’s promised tomorrow whether you’re 2 or 82 and we could possibly have another 40 years of memories enjoying together, nearly twice my life again so far.

It is one of the many factors influencing my decision to start a family soon rather than in 10 years time, so we hopefully have lots of extended family happy memories ahead.

My parents had me had similar age (also have one older sibling and two younger sibling).

They are in their late 60s/70s and fit, healthy and living life!

It's really luck of the draw. Enjoy your life and parents can get unwell at 60, 70, 80 or 90s easily... so not worth stressing over