I wasn’t sad in the baby phase. Well, I was after the newborn phase for the first year with my ds because he was seriously ill and it was a battle to get doctors to take me seriously, but I couldn’t do anything that reassured him enough to stop him crying (apart from carry on pushing doctors to listen and compile as much as possible to get them to see)because it was down to pain. I wasn’t sad I had to cuddle him, I was sad he was in pain. He nearly died and finally that alongside tests resulted in his diagnosis and he had an operation, which meant he survived and was no longer in severe pain and it was a revelation to have him finally pain free. With my dd, yes she was a baby who wanted to be close (but not in a sling, even though ds loved his sling), but I wasn’t sad at all. I was very happy to cuddle her and happy she was in the main a very happy baby. She’s still cuddly as a toddler and that’s lovely and I still don’t feel sad or like my needs aren’t met.
It doesn’t mean the mother doesn’t have needs. The same hormones are released for the mother (and any other adult) during cuddles and loving touch, it’s a response from both. I don’t think most mums make a packed lunch, but equally most mums do things that make it easier for them personally and that mum chose to make lunch earlier because it was easier for her. That is meeting her needs through a way she chose, it doesn’t mean everyone chooses the same. I don’t quite see why it’s seen in such a black and white way. To meet needs doesn’t have to be exclusive for either. We were talking about the needs of the child because that’s what the OP referred to - whether leaving to cry would harm the baby. The answer is no, not in a loving relationship where needs are met for a short time. Equally, that doesn’t mean all of the mother’s needs are obliterated.
The only time my needs weren’t met was during DS’ first year and that was down to his illness itself making it harder and also just trying to juggle appointments (often long journeys to different hospitals), inpatient stays, GPs not reading specialist letters etc and therefore not treating correctly, a and e visits and compiling notes to help as well as letters (often we’d turn up and a letter hadn’t arrived from prev doctor but we’d received a copy). I’d say it’s pretty normal for parents to struggle with their own needs when a child is really ill, so I don’t think that’s unusual.
I am an adoptee, so my perspective may be a bit different. I wanted my parenting to be based around my children, but not at the expense of giving them a happy, well adjusted mum.