Struggling with the transition from nursery to school as a single parent..

[SpaghettiAndMeatball20]

DD started reception this week.. Oh gosh, I am shattered!
I took the first couple of days off with her to settle her in with the school runs, she now uses breakfast and after school club. She does gymnastics and swimming also after school which I take her too after finishing work and collecting her.
But my god, I am struggling with all of the additional cooking and cleaning up after her and also getting things prepared, washing school uniform, keeping on top of things AND also working. By 9.00pm I am KO'd.

Tonight she has swimming, and I have made a picky bits type tea for her to eat on the way home as it'll be 7pm by the time we get back and don't really want to be cooking a meal.

I feel like I need to be better organised but really feel the "single parentness" now she's transitioned to primary school.

She has little involvement from her father and he won't be doing anything school related other than turning up to events etc.

Please give me your tips on how to get through the week without being hit by a bus.

I know the logical thing to do is meal plan, do mini-cleans and not be scared to do things like picky bits teas etc.. but anything else please tell me!!

Nursery did everything from 7.30am to 5.00pm and all I gave her when she got in was a light dinner ahead of bed as she's a 7pm to 7am sleeper.

Now feel like she needs a proper dinner in the evenings but really struggling. I also don't eat with her as I like to have a bit of an evening and usually eat after she's gone to bed so I can decompress and eat at my own pace.

Can you do some batch cooking? They you aren't having to cook every evening?
Have you got a meal plan for the week? I find it so much easier knowing what I'm going to cook rather than having to think of something after a long day when you dont have much time.

Buy plenty uniform, it cuts down on washing. Means I tend to do one or two big washes for the week and then she has enough for the whole week.

what is she having for lunches? Honestly I just throw what ever she wants for tea on, as long as she is fed, I don’t care 🤣 my child is fussy so I do tend to make a fancier version for me, although often I am tired so I just make simple teas through the week.

It will get easier once you both get used to the new routine. However, I would definitely consider moving the swimming and gymnastics to the weekend, if you can. After school activities for reception children are often too much, particularly if they're also going to breakfast and after school club too.

And I agree with pp, buy plenty of uniform so that you have enough to last the week, and just wash it all together the weekend.

I dropped hours so that I finished earlier two or three days a week and collected from school. On those days we sometimes had a friend for tea, sometimes went to the library or whatever. I also had time to cook something proper and we did their reading.

full time work and school as a single parent is a LOT. I know people do it, but if you can drop some hours at work / get a flexible working agreement it makes life a lot more pleasant

I think you're actually right. Perhaps will drop the gymnastics. Swimming is on a Friday at 5.30pm which is an awkward time. They offered me 3.30pm straight after school but it was too much of a rush.
I won't be putting her into anymore after school activities. I thought 2 was enough but actually feel just Swimming would be fine.

Drop gym or swimming or see if you can switch to weekends. Personally I think reception is full on enough without extra activity afterwards!

Get extra uniform so you're not washing in the week. Second hand bundles work out fine if you're on a tight budget.

If you can, buddy up with other parents for school runs, playdates after schools etc. I know a few single parents who have done this and also use it to help each other out with emergency childcare, help when sick etc.

Food wise there are plenty of ideas out there for quick dinners. Eat with her to save yourself the alone time later on. Use school dinners rather than packed lunches.

In terms of the evening, going to bed at 7 is fairly early - you might want to explore her having reading time or quiet time before bed as she's going to go to sleep later soon enough and you'll have less of an evening.

Get a cleaner if you can afford it. If you're not already, teach her good habits about putting things away after herself, cleaning up if she makes a mess etc - it takes longer than sorting it yourself to begin with but you have to think in the long term.

With uniform, I do it at the weekend then hang it in sets so each hanger has trousers, shirt, cardi, pants and socks. That way it's sorted completely and I don't need to think about it till the next weekend. If the cardi is still clean at the end of the day it went on a hanger ready to be put back into rotation the next week, otherwise into the laundry basket.

Lunches - get school lunches, that way she has cooked meal in the middle of the day then you do stuff on toast, soup and sandwich, omelette etc in the evening.

After school clubs - honestly I found it much easier to not do these in the week, DD has always gone to the first swimming lesson on Sunday mornings, usually around 9am. She's up by 6.30am anyway so that way swimming was over and done with before anything else opened or birthday parties started.

We're lucky that breakfast club at our school is free so DD goes there at 8am which gives me a bit of time to do an errand before work if needed. Worth looking to see if your school does breakfast club as it's usually a lot cheaper than after school club and may give you a bit of valuable time.

Toys/mess I have a couple of the foldable laundry bags from B&M, they've that velvet lookalike fabric that matches the colour scheme of the room so they don't look too shabby. I keep them in the living room and at the end of each day all the toys/stuff DD has strewn about get chucked in those bags. When they're full they go up to her room and she puts them away. Then empty bags come back down to start the cycle again.

• multiple sets of uniform.
• Swimming night = School dinner at lunch time then packed lunch/tea sent to be eaten at after school club then pick up and take straight to club having already eaten. Shower post swimming and strap into pyjamas.
• Prepare meals for week at weekend.

-Drop any club you feel you can!

A full set of uniform for every day
Slow cooker
Ditch an activity, she'll be shattered anyway

I think you've nailed it. She's probably feeling shattered too, that's a very full day even without the extra activities especially as she's settling in.

Swimming is fun and an important skill so if you can change the time and day to suit you, it will really help. Gym you can drop and pick up later.

You sound like an amazing woman!

You definitely need enough uniform to last you a week, so you only need to do one wash in the weekend.

Re food - can you get her on school meals so at least she gets a hot meal a day, then you can do sandwiches etc some days at home?

Do reception get free school meals??
it was y1/2 when mine were that age but can’t remember if reception was added into it. If so make use of school meals. I refused to let mine choose the sandwich option so she always had something hot - often a jacket potatoes. My eldest was fussy in reception and we were buying meals and I was told she wasn’t eating and to send a packed lunch. But my y1 and she was on free dinners I stuck to the hot school dinners. Meant we had sandwiches for tea or things like egg on toast and lighter meals. Definitely quick things.

I’ve also had uniform for a whole week and only ever wash on a weekend.

mine also had swimming on a Friday. Hated it but it was the only time slot we could get - mine weren’t reception though as I left it a bit late to sign up to swimming. So don’t feel you have to do it at this age. You could revisit. But we sometimes did a macdonalds after swimming. I know how much MN hates fast food though!!

Mine were usually in breakfast club from 7:30 and after school club til 5/5:30z. But,
i work part time. Also single parent. Was only offered part time at my job and when they offered to up it to full time after a year or so I actually kept my PT hours as it really helped with work life balance. However my house is still a tip. It’s clean but a tip.

Are you over thinking it - I’m a single mum to 4 football kids and I’m constantly on the go. I also work full time. It’s tiring but it’s life and lots of people do it - you just need to fit things like shopping in when you can. Their dad is involved but he only does every other weekend. He’s not reliable at all so I just get on with it myself

I think that's a little unfair. You at the very least get two weekends a month, I get he's unreliable but you still get a bit of time. My daughter only has 2 hours of contact a fortnight with her father which I Ferry her to and from and wait for her. I have no immediate family around me either. I don't think I'm over thinking being overwhelmed as a completely lobe parent.

Batch cook in the weekend and freeze it. Repetitive eating is fine.
Eat with her so that the evening feels longer for you.
Get organised the night before.
Lower your standards. The house can be a bit messy and that’s ok!

Good luck, op. You’ll get into the swing of it.

If you’re knackered, think of how tired your daughter must be. She’s 4! She’s in breakfast and after school club plus swimming and gymnastics, she must be shattered. My daughter started this week too, she’s only there until lunchtime and she’s really tired. Her school don’t let reception children attend breakfast and after school club as it’s just too much.

Oh dear. Good luck to you

The uniform shouldn't be a problem as they have to wear clothes anyway? Just make sure you have plenty of it so she can wear it all the time except weekends.
School meals are free in reception so a snack when you get in and then sandwich or cook for you both together in the evening as cooking separately is just making yourself extra work.

Agree but at least OP is thinking of dropping the gymnastics. Hopefully OP and her daughter will have chilled weekends together.

Completely lone parent of 3 here who works full time. If they're having school dinners, you can get away with beans on toast/soup/pesto pasta for tea. Try move any activities to a weekend. Get enough uniform so it lasts the week (although with 3 kids I am always washing). Dont make your life more difficult then it needs to be, with 1 kids and both of you out the house all day it should be easy to keep clean. Quick wipe around of bathrooms and kitchen. Then a couple of hours spread over the weekend to clean through.

And build in time to stop.

I advised a very stressed family to ‘stop’ - it is fine. The parents I worked with were so busy they felt guilty stopping to ‘not do very much’. They solved it by adding the ‘stop’ time’ to their diary!

A film on the sofa together, a duvet day, a walk or time to share a book, a chat, a cuddle.

Going against that - but actually to be able to make more time, as a SP my DC’s and I would have a ‘tidying hour’ - usually a Thursday evening so that our house was fine for the weekend ( and I didn't wake up as grumpy as hell because I knew what I was facing!). We picked jobs from a hat ( to keep it fun…😉😱😳😂).

As others have said
lots of school uniform so you don’t have to wash it during the week, school dinners then you only have to cook a tea. Make sure you have a complete spare set of PE kit, extra water bottles etc and get everything ready the night before. It is harder work than nursery especially with the homework and reading.

Are there any other parents around who you could lean on a bit more for an exchange of support? E.g. get them into swimming at the same time and alternate who takes them both swimming, or organise alternating playdates so both parents get a couple of hours of downtime on alternating weekends? I know if one of DS's friends mums was rushed off her feet I'd want to help out and it would benefit my DS because he'd get to socialise more.

Also, check if your after school club do dinner. Ours called it a snack but when I asked what sort of food, it turns out their definition of a snack is what I'd feed my kids for dinner! That could give you some of your evening back and mean less for you to do as you wouldn't have to cook/clean up/spend that time at the end of the day on food instead of on letting DD wind down for sleep.

@SpaghettiAndMeatball20 I think you were a little unfair to mòany mum there ,I think she was showing you some solidarity and you hit straight back with you get twice a month of. Everyone's circumstances are different. When my eldest started reception many moons ago I had her and a one year old and was abroad in the army and their dad was on tour , I would tidy in the morning then it was done when I fell through the door at night, then whilst their tea was on I would quickly bath them and lay uniforms out ,eat with them and then have an hour to myself, I think in your circumstances I'd drop the gym and take dd for a treat tea after swimming .ironing the uniforms for the week is also your friend here . My youngest 2 I really was a single parent as their dad pissed off 6 years ago so pretty much what I did the first time round. Organisational is key .