Struggling with the transition from nursery to school as a single parent..

[SpaghettiAndMeatball20]

DD started reception this week.. Oh gosh, I am shattered!
I took the first couple of days off with her to settle her in with the school runs, she now uses breakfast and after school club. She does gymnastics and swimming also after school which I take her too after finishing work and collecting her.
But my god, I am struggling with all of the additional cooking and cleaning up after her and also getting things prepared, washing school uniform, keeping on top of things AND also working. By 9.00pm I am KO'd.

Tonight she has swimming, and I have made a picky bits type tea for her to eat on the way home as it'll be 7pm by the time we get back and don't really want to be cooking a meal.

I feel like I need to be better organised but really feel the "single parentness" now she's transitioned to primary school.

She has little involvement from her father and he won't be doing anything school related other than turning up to events etc.

Please give me your tips on how to get through the week without being hit by a bus.

I know the logical thing to do is meal plan, do mini-cleans and not be scared to do things like picky bits teas etc.. but anything else please tell me!!

Nursery did everything from 7.30am to 5.00pm and all I gave her when she got in was a light dinner ahead of bed as she's a 7pm to 7am sleeper.

Now feel like she needs a proper dinner in the evenings but really struggling. I also don't eat with her as I like to have a bit of an evening and usually eat after she's gone to bed so I can decompress and eat at my own pace.

If she's having a school dinner, does she need a cooked meal in the evening? Switching to a packed lunch or picky bits dinner after school would save a lot of time and effort. Or you could batch cook?

She does eat a lot, she's really hungry by the time I pick-up. I always bring a banana and a snack to keep her going till dinner. I did a picky bits tea for her on Friday after swimming but she was still hungry after so did eggs on toast!

Just wanted to say well done, your doing an amazing job. I'm not a single parent and I only work 3 days and I found the transition from nursery to reception really difficult, my daughter was so tired, and I really missed her!

I think batch cooking is great. But also the occasional basic meal, or even every day, is fine! Beans or egg on toast, with a few veggie sticks - boom. Also, it's not what they eat at that meal, it's what they eat over the entire week that counts, so fish fingers and chips once a week is completely fine!

I forbid my daughter from having the sandwich option at school! Only the hot dinner 😂 and I don't stress about how much she eats, at least she's had the option.

You can also send snacks to after school club, cheese, fruit, yoghurt etc. In a little cool bag

But it IS really hard, and it's a million times harder if you're doing it by yourself with no partner and no family. So you take care of yourself, find a good group of school mums that can support each other.

Xx

I think when they've been at nursery anyway and then move up to school, it's easy to underestimate how big of a transition that is. I remember finding it a lot more difficult starting school than I had thought it would be, especially my kids were a lot more tired from school and there was a lot more life admin and laundry than I'd thought there would be, until I got into a routine of answering all school letters etc. on a Sunday night and washing uniforms with enough time for them to dry (so no emergency tumble drying!) and then of course there's last weeks swimming stuff lying forgotten in a bag somewhere! Or maybe that's just me! It does get easier as you get more used to it but having nobody to share the mental load, I think it's harder to stick to extra curricular activities and stuff as a single parent, especially if you're juggling a job as well.

Single mum here who works both a full time job in a stressful finance role and part time job bookkeeping self employed, 3 kids, 4 night of clubs in the evening & football all weekend zero contact with the father for years now. Honestly I’m absolutely ducking knackered 99% of the time and totally winging it. Some tips though - make packed lunches the night before, iron uniform the night before I always try and clean for half an hour after dinner and put washing on to come on really early in the morning, then I hang it out or put it out to dry whilst they get ready for school. I normally finish the cleaning when they’ve finished their dinner, wash up and go to bed ready for the next day of sheer exhaustion. But wouldn’t have it any other way 😊

When you make your dinner, can you make extra and then your DD can have that reheated the following day? It’s what I tend to do for our busy nights.

As for uniform x5 of everything, no mid week washing (I have 3 kids at school so have no time to wash clothes during the week).

Apart from that, it’s really just is shit. You will constantly be busy and it’ll always feel like you’re in a hurry.

Don't beat yourself up, you sound like you are doing a great job. It's early days, I promise you, it will get easier...

My washing routine was to have five white polo neck shirts, three school jumpers & three skirts. On Tuesday night I did a coloured wash with the two worn jumpers & skirts, then I had enough clean uniform for the whole week (did a further white wash & coloured wash over weekend). On top of that my kids had a school dinner every day and had something unambitious (quick pasta, cheesy scrambled egg on toast, veg soup with roll etc, all with fruit) for dinner. I am not a single parent but did work stupid hours for the NHS throughout so had to be uber organised. Also couldn’t be arsed with after school clubs & kids were too tired when small.

Buy extra uniform items so you can wash it all on Friday night and have it ready for the week. Check out Ebay and Vinted for the basic stuff in your DD's school colours, as for jumpers you can get cheap ones, most primary schools aren't bothered if you have the fancy ones with the school logo.
Batch cook if you can. Things like lasagne, shepherd's pie, etc can last a good few days and you can freeze and reheat them as needed.
Save the major cleaning jobs till the weekend, just do the basic sweeping, wiping down, washing up etc as you go along so it doesn't mount up.
Teach DD to tidy up after herself where possible. Get a box for DD to put her stuff in and make a game of it so it's not like a chore to her.
You don't mention what you do for work. Is there any way you could cut your hours slightly, or make adjustments to your work schedule, maybe flexi time? Or WFH a couple of days a week?

Oh believe me, they CAN

I am not a single parent but my husband does not do any of the housework or child-related stuff because he isn’t at home during the week, and I also have a part time job (very senior) and very active children. My top tips are:

1. sign her up for hot lunches at school so supper at home can just be a cold meal (if in England school lunches are free for KS1 as well).
2. batch cook to make evenings easier when you do want her to have a hot supper.
3. have at least 5 full sets of uniform so you don’t have to wash it and get it ready during the week.
4. don’t be afraid to get chips / Mac Donald’s / pizza / whatever easy junk food you like, for her occasionally after sports training to give yourself a night off (we did this tonight after training).
5. Don’t be afraid of beans on toast or omelette suppers - they are nutritious and relatively healthy!
6. Sign all letters home immediately and put back in her book bag, write any dates onto your calendar as soon as you get the email or class charts notification. If you are out then take a screen shot and message to yourself so you can do them when you get home.
7. I have a week to view homemade calendar and write on exactly where and when each child needs to be dropped off and picked up (different schools) and what training they each have on - you might not need that with just two of you in the home but I find it helps keep me on track and minimises children being left in the wrong places 😂

Thank you. Really super helpful xx

Thank you for all the lovely comments too everyone x

I’ll be Frank, I’d drop the extra curricular or I’d find weekend clubs instead. If you didn’t work and she finished school at usual time, the extra curricular stuff wouldn’t be so bad but the fact she’s four years old and in after school club till 5.30pm THEN expected to do extracurricular clubs is just too much. She’s very, very small and it’s too full on at that age.

Main advice is find weekend clubs if those activities are important to you. In terms of being organised, you could try batch cooking meals at the weekend or my Mum uses a slow cooker which I know tends to be popular. Perhaps a gousto/hello fresh type thing but they still involve actual cooking so not sure. If you drop the clubs though, I do think that’s mostly problem solved. It will all settle down when she gets older so less tired and you’re both in the routine.

I’m a single mum of two DC, 5 and 6 and it is HARD. Loads of great suggestions already. I have 5 or 6 different really easy meals for after school, same ones on repeat to make shopping easier and don’t worry too much about all of them being nutritious. You can load yourselves up with healthy stuff at the weekend. The trick is to do everything less often…enough uniforms for a week, no mid week washing. Same meals for after school, less trips the shop, less time spent thinking about it. If you hoover every day make it every other etc (more like every other week for me 🤣). Get a weekly calendar because your head will be absolutely spinning when they start letting you know about odd sock day, silly hair day, non uniform day, take your bike day…all…the…time…and mostly involve taking a £ in.

When I became a single mum I really struggled trying to keep on top of everything, I completely ran myself into the ground and something had to change. Now, when my kids are in bed I sit down and I just stop. If it’s been a tough day and I’m still sat there two hours later that’s fine, that’s what I need. I don’t feel guilty or worry about it. Most days all my energy is spent working and parenting, so when neither of those things are active neither am I. Hopefully that will gradually change as they become more self sufficient.

So both of you eat your dinner every night alone? I find this really sad. And it’s much more work for you to do two dinners, eat together and get her to help with chopping veg or tidying up after etc. if you wfh prep the dinner before you pick her up, use a slow cooker or oven timer etc.

I second a full week of uniform, so you can wash once and school lunch to take the pressure off of cooking full dinners. We have multiple water/ drink bottles. They are all the same style and colour and named… but it takes the stress out of them potentially being left in school/ at a club and not having one ready and clean for the morning… we have one of those canvas things that hangs in a wardrobe with compartments. I fill with a uniform for each day including pants and socks. There are often multiple letters/ emails/ school Facebook posts about things… take a photo or screen shot them all and add to a folder in your phone. It is all so overwhelming in the first few weeks, it is all so new for both of you, be kind to yourself… it will soon all be second nature x

UNFAIR? She has 4 children to cover.

You'll get I to the swing of it after a few weeks and it'll all fall into place.
I guarantee you 2 parent family.ies are doing no better than u. In fact, u can make all the decisions and choices which in a way makes life easier.
Definitely get a calendar with little squares for each day its a life saver
Good luck!

I think if you are exausted as an adult imagine how your 4/5 year old feels? Maybe scale back after school activities for a few terms at least and enjoy some time together before bedtime x

Your house doesn't have to be perfectly clean. And actually neither does your child 🤭.

Your child can usually get away with wearing the same uniform two days in a row unless they get really dirty and probably the same cardigan or jumper for even longer. Only wash it if it looks grubby. Clean underwear and socks every day but otherwise most can get through the majority of their school career wearing it at least two days or even three days. As a teacher, you can see which kids get clean uniform every day and I think it's a minority that do.

In a similar way, your child doesn't need to have a bath every night unless they're grubby.

I have 5 sets of school uniform and it is all cleaned and ironed at the weekend and ready for the week ahead. Both mine have school dinners which means all I have to do is make a sandwich for their tea and a snack before bed. I understand the cost involved in multiple sets of uniform and I work hard to be able to afford it but it really does help. Also give your daughter some small tasks to do like make her bed every day and start putting her own clothes away. You have to help to begin with but mine now dust and hoover their own rooms (in return for pocket money!) which is one thing less for me to do

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I found this really helpful. I use the daily planner worksheet every day and it makes a difference. I get my food shop delivered. Do school lunches so no need for packed lunches. Extra uniform so less often to wash. Non iron shirts etc so don't so any ironing. I get a cleaner once a week so I don't do any cleaning, only do tidying. £28 a week though.

I bought the extra uniform second hand at the school thrift shop. Can anyone else help you? My auntie helps me one night a week with kids and I put away laundry and tidy while she's here and i give her her dinner with us for helping.

Me again haha. I also refused to do homework. May not be a popular choice I know but we didn't have time or energy to come home to that. They're now in junior year 3 and 4 and I've started to do a bit with the year 4. I just point blank refused 😂