Struggling with the transition from nursery to school as a single parent..

[SpaghettiAndMeatball20]

DD started reception this week.. Oh gosh, I am shattered!
I took the first couple of days off with her to settle her in with the school runs, she now uses breakfast and after school club. She does gymnastics and swimming also after school which I take her too after finishing work and collecting her.
But my god, I am struggling with all of the additional cooking and cleaning up after her and also getting things prepared, washing school uniform, keeping on top of things AND also working. By 9.00pm I am KO'd.

Tonight she has swimming, and I have made a picky bits type tea for her to eat on the way home as it'll be 7pm by the time we get back and don't really want to be cooking a meal.

I feel like I need to be better organised but really feel the "single parentness" now she's transitioned to primary school.

She has little involvement from her father and he won't be doing anything school related other than turning up to events etc.

Please give me your tips on how to get through the week without being hit by a bus.

I know the logical thing to do is meal plan, do mini-cleans and not be scared to do things like picky bits teas etc.. but anything else please tell me!!

Nursery did everything from 7.30am to 5.00pm and all I gave her when she got in was a light dinner ahead of bed as she's a 7pm to 7am sleeper.

Now feel like she needs a proper dinner in the evenings but really struggling. I also don't eat with her as I like to have a bit of an evening and usually eat after she's gone to bed so I can decompress and eat at my own pace.

As others have said..I genuinely wouldn't do any after school activies in reception. Maybe take her swimming at the weekend. She will be much happier to have a less stressed mum. In the end mine did quite a lot of actives but we started later and once they had made friends at school and went to some activities together - sharing the pick up and drop off load with other parents.

I think you and SpaghettiAndMeatball20 are missing the point. You're both showing off how amazingly organised you are and it's not helpful to the OP who is struggling right now with this major change to her routine, it comes across like you're both just rubbing it in her face that she's not an amazing perfect parent like you two were. And I'd imagine neither of you got it right from day 1 because I certainly didn't when I was a lone parent of a 2 year old and a 3 week old baby.

If in England free school meals until the end of year 2.

Drop the after school stuff especially if she's also going early to school and leaving late, it's far too much for a 4 year old

Can you move some of the after-school activities to the weekend? We have always done swimming at the weekend, a lot of clubs offer lessons on Saturdays and Sundays.
Also, does she eat a warm lunch at school? If so, you could ditch the meal cooking for her in the evening and just give her a sandwich or similar? Seeing that she has a 'big' meal at school.

@SisterMichaelsHabit do get off your high horse at no point did I say I was perfect she was asking advice on how to make things easier in the 24 years ive been a parent those are good tips through getting through a busy week and there was no mumsnet to ask back then so yes I learnt these things to make MY life easier. Not rubbing anything in anyone's face. Do you feel better now?

I can't avoid the breakfast and asc because of work hours but I agree I think the gymnastics is unnecessary at this point and will drop that. She adores swimming and at least that's on a Friday rather than midweek.

The portions are pretty small. She will probably need a dinner even if beans on toast.

I feel that once you’re used to the new routine it probably won’t actually feel like that much extra work, it’s just the change that’s thrown you off. You’ll find your new normal and it will fall into place.

In the short term be kind to yourself, don’t worry about a few teas that aren’t ‘perfect’, or uniforms that aren’t spotless etc. 💐

First week back at school are always really hard (for -aren’t, children and school staff!) so please know it will get easier as you get into your new routine. Is your DD having her dinner at school (this will be free)? Then you don’t need to cook in the evening. Completely agree with others about having spare bits of uniform (but don’t feel you need to buy all school branded - supermarket polos etc are great) so you’ve got enough uniform to see you through the week. Also don’t overload yourself or your DD with after school activities - a full day at school will tire her out and it’s fine to go home and chill. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job x

Sending love - it's full-on when they start, let alone doing it yourself and managing work. I'd echo others:

multiple sets of uniform
drop gym
easy meals - we have one late evening a week and I pre-cook pasta with a hidden veg sauce (Sainsbury's does it, I'm sure others do), with cucumber or sweetcorn on the side. Fine nutritionally and gets everyone fed
Set aside some tidying time together, maybe on a Sat morning or Sunday last thing, and other than that just wipe round when you're brushing teeth or whatever. Just do less of it. You're out the house a lot which should help.

Definitely agree with having a uniform for every day, this used to slightly tip me over the edge. Also loads of underwear.

Re meals, if you can, do batchcook even if it covers just a couple of evenings, use a slow cooker and pasta is your friend. There's loads of simple, healthy ideas from the Start for Life (nhs) website, sometimes when you don't have the head space you can't think of anything to cook and it gets stressful. Meal plans work.

And for now, drop a club. Swimming is a life essential so if you can prioritise it, it's probably the best thing.

And finally, it will settle down.... the first few weeks are mental but you do get into a routine.

Good luck!!

Thanks for all the great advice everyone :)

It’s so hard as you’re tired, they’re tired so you’re both also more likely to get upset or stressed. Does her school offer any ‘activity’ clubs after school (as opposed to wrap around after school club?). As my DD stays until 5.30 on 2 days I’ve signed her up to the paid clubs on those days so she does French one day and multi sport from 3-4 then the generic after school club from 4-5.30 this year. Last year she did yoga. It means they get to do a hobby / activity but you aren’t trying to fit it in later at night or at the weekend.

Yup! I feel you! I’ve been single parenting it since mince were yr2 and nursery… now yr7 and yr4… DS (11) does football 2 nights a week and matches on Saturday.. DD (9) does weightlifting 3 nights a week and Saturday mornings too… and then homework and stuff on top.

i plan easy meals for the nights we get back later, pizza/chicken dippers, chips and veg/sausage, mash and peas. I always have these in the freezer (frozen mash and cook from frozen sausages are a game changer for me).
I have an abundance of uniform so if I don’t want to do washing one night, it’s fine. But washing at least every other night means I stay on top of it, so I aim to do this.
I whack clothes in the tumble dryer to smooth creases.
you will adjust to the tiredness. It’s the norm for me now that I dont feel it.
time saving things are what make it easier!

You need to chill. I'm a lone parent and work full time with a child in junior school. Your DD is entitled to free school meals so there's no packed lunches you need to make. Have plenty of uniform although my DS always loses his jumpers so I'm constantly washing the two he has managed not to lose. He did gymnastics and swimming during the week but I dropped gymnastics. He now does surf lifesaving and football at the weekends and I don't even take him every weekend if I don't feel like it. I do mini cleans during the week and Saturday morning I'll get up early and clean the whole house, do laundry etc. Also as it's just you and your DD, you could make lasagne, spag bol, chilli, sausage casserole etc and it'll last you at least 2 days. I hardly ever cook but I do make my own lunch to take to work and my ds packed lunch too. Once you get into a routine it's absolutely fine. Tbh a lot of the time I'm bored and get into bed at 8pm 😂

All of my washing gets loaded at night and goes on a timer to finish at 6am. It then goes straight in the dryer and is all done and dusted by 8am.

Batch cooking and the slow cooker are your friends. Also don't stress out about time. It is of little relevance if she is in bed at the exact same time each night, if that means you get a bit of extra leeway to eat, have a bit of downtime etc (that doesn't mean she's bouncing about after midnight, but I see so many stressed kids and parents because the parents are like right through the door and let's start a military routine which isn't relaxing for anyone). Definitely buy as many sets of uniform as you can find, especially polo tops etc (skirts can usually go a couple of days if they're not covered in paint.

Use the slow cooker and put a bunch of slow cooker dump bags in the freezer to make switching it on before work each morning faster. Dinner will be hot and ready when you both get in.
My Dd had a uniform set for each day of the week and I did laundry once a week for uniforms on a Friday.

I see you and I hear you. I am a single parent to two kids now 10 and 16 but yes I was single parent to 6 year old, married and had another baby and he left - all within a year and I had a full time job as a Deputy Head in secondary school. It is hard and lonely so here’s what I do….

even back in reception they pack their bag, water bottle etc

clothes out the night before - we have at least enough for two weeks as well as two school coatfs, 14 pairs of socks and pants.

it doesn’t go in the wash unless it is really dirty

I buy school uniform en made for multiple years from sainsburys. I wash and then hang it up neatly once a week and folded and put away. They get clothes out the night before.

water bottles are on rotate in the fridge. I do make them leave a water bottle at school as well as coat, wellies and gloves etc in winter and in summer hat and sun cream - as minimum dragging stuff in and out as possible. Same with snacks - 5 Snacks on Monday in school.

is she is after school and breakfast club - if not think about it?

homework - normally once a week at that age

reading daily- we do it morning and evening - just 10 minutes with a book

evening story where I read to him

even at 6 they help with all jobs etc put washing in - very much our house and our jobs here use time wisely - don’t race around doing house work when you are on your own - instead read a book and feet up

we live off slow cooker casseroles in the winter and alternate three days of reheating slow cooker and three days are making a soup - I have a slow cooker and soup maker.

no big evening meals, slow cooker, soup or salad in the summer.

no tv Monday to Friday (others might disagree and I fully take that) but we have never done it here - if we are bored we snuggle, read, go for a walk, jig saw etc

Everyone’s clothes ready the night before - we don’t shower in the morning we bathe at night and then just get up and go

bags of stuff everywhere eg swim bag - they have their own swim bag with shampoo towel costume and spare etc and they are responsible for keeping it sorted eg bunging in towel and costume and repacking it - I did from very early. My youngest learnt the hard way to not shove his wet towel and costume back in her bag and leave it. He hasn’t don’t it since.

Im lax on their bedrooms just kitchen hall lounge etc that must be free of their crap. Pegs on the front and back of their bedroom doors etc but they sort it.

Had been a loan parent now married both times I did/do everything for the kids.
Start batch cooking meals freezing then microwave them. Plan meals at weekend.
School uniform buy extra I used to go a size up in jumpers so depending on how messy your kid is 3 or 4 jumpers with the last one being a size up so only used in emergency. Do cooked school lunches on the days child has activity.

Nothing much to add but if you can afford it a cleaner is a godsend, even a couple of hours a week.

you’ve just done week one, be kind to yourself it will be easier once you settle in a routine.

if possible make an effort with other school mums and mums at gymnastics and swimming. Other parents will become your allies in time. Not necessarily soon, but eventually lift sharing with parents you know will be possible which makes lives easier- one of my ds’s friends is a single parent and I try my help her out. In the reception year it’s a good idea to accept as many parties as possible to give you an chance to have a coffee and make friends.

And on a more general note I found this age about the hardest and it def gets easier as they get older and can do more for themselves.

Single parent here of two. I tend to cook for 2-3 days a time. Also have a cleaner weekly who keeps me sane. Two sets of uniform each, only do a full wash on Fridays so all ready for Monday.

As others have said, plenty of uniforms, school socks and tights and at least 2 sets of PE and swimming kits. Have a set time each week when you prep all the clothes and meal plan for the following week so your not having to try and do all that when rushing around/tired. Don’t worry, you will get into a routine