Struggling with the transition from nursery to school as a single parent..

[SpaghettiAndMeatball20]

DD started reception this week.. Oh gosh, I am shattered!
I took the first couple of days off with her to settle her in with the school runs, she now uses breakfast and after school club. She does gymnastics and swimming also after school which I take her too after finishing work and collecting her.
But my god, I am struggling with all of the additional cooking and cleaning up after her and also getting things prepared, washing school uniform, keeping on top of things AND also working. By 9.00pm I am KO'd.

Tonight she has swimming, and I have made a picky bits type tea for her to eat on the way home as it'll be 7pm by the time we get back and don't really want to be cooking a meal.

I feel like I need to be better organised but really feel the "single parentness" now she's transitioned to primary school.

She has little involvement from her father and he won't be doing anything school related other than turning up to events etc.

Please give me your tips on how to get through the week without being hit by a bus.

I know the logical thing to do is meal plan, do mini-cleans and not be scared to do things like picky bits teas etc.. but anything else please tell me!!

Nursery did everything from 7.30am to 5.00pm and all I gave her when she got in was a light dinner ahead of bed as she's a 7pm to 7am sleeper.

Now feel like she needs a proper dinner in the evenings but really struggling. I also don't eat with her as I like to have a bit of an evening and usually eat after she's gone to bed so I can decompress and eat at my own pace.

I think organisation is the key and giving your self time to adjust. In terms of activities, I personally found it was better to do activities during the week as I found it interfered with downtime/family time on the weekend. I found my kids were a lot less stressed.

What is she fed at breakfast and after-school club? Is she having hot lunches and pudding or a packed lunch?

Tbh if she's eating at BC, mid morning snack, hot lunch and pudding, ASC snack I think you might be over estimating how much she needs to eat a full cooked dinner. Have a look through the weekly menu, and work out what days she's learning her plate and what days she'll pick. It'll be on a three or four week rotation and then meal plan but she probably only needs light meals in the week

Are you getting her changed pit of uniform and into clothes then onto pajamas? Unless school are strict about it being expensive logo stuff, don't change her. We do one uniform a day and they wear it until they get changed for bed.

What's the extra tidying up after her you need to do?

What you DO need to make time for is homework. Reading book x 1 at least, spellings, maths possibly, topic possibly
Ours would be one book a week, three spellings, a maths sheet and a weekly craft type activity on their topic theme.

I'd drop any clubs especially this term. Maybe wait and restart after Easter break.

I'd be picking up and going straight home. Dinner for you both - it's good for you to have time to eat and chat together especially as she gets older. It also leaves time for homework such as a reading book and then whatever her bedtime routine is. Once she's in bed you have time to get organised for the morning and then chill out yourself with tv, book, exercise or whatever.

It is hard getting into a new routine and parenting never stays still for long! Feels like as.soon as something works well it changes again.

Another thought, try and plan ahead for the ‘extra’ theme days that are thrown in.

I could just about manage teaching full time and DC’s….until….’World Book Day’, ‘Odd Socks Day’, ‘MUFTI Day’…. the worst being ‘Crazy Hair Day’ - rushing round a small town, as the shops closed and of course every tin of coloured hair ‘spray’ stuff had been sold ( because 200 families all needed it for the next day and normally sold one tin every five years!) - and then standing on the drive at 7.00am spraying the damned stuff in…. And having to spend the evening having to wash it all back out….there are tipping points...🤬

I wonder which teacher dreamt up that ‘good idea’….tell you what, I reined in my ‘good bloody stupid ideas once I had DC’s. 😂

@AlvaLane Try being the teacher in a school that does crazy hair day. My office was never more popular with colleagues than when word got out that I had a pack of hair chalks…

@SpaghettiAndMeatball20 you’ve had lots of good advice, but definitely start to introduce things/responsibilities for your DC. Nothing huge because they are so small and have a lot going on, but eg a visual check list by the door of what they need in their bag/to take with them. Pack the night before. To begin with you can do it together, then let them do it solo and supervise/check when they have gone to bed, then before you know it they have done it themselves. Do they need PE kit? Ask if it can stay in school Monday to Friday. They don’t sweaty enough to need to wash it straight after.

I haven’t read all the replies but some tips..

Get everything as organised as you can the night before. Uniforms out, pants, tights, socks, lunches ready. Including everything you need.

Have LOTS of spare uniform

Meal plan and lunch plan.. mine are teens now but my youngest still has lots of activities so sometimes she will have scrambled egg on toast for tea as we need something quick and that’s just fine!

Get lots of things in the cupboard for emergencies.. things dd will eat, crackers, mug shots, noodles, (just examples of what mine
will eat if nothing else to grab).. plenty of crisps lol

The more organised you are the less something will trip you up unexpectedly.

Your dd will be really tired after school so if you have to go easy on the extra curricular activities for a while then I would, while you both get used to this new routine.

I only do laundry at the weekend, so always had 6 polo shirts, 2-3 skirts etc so always had at least 1 spare set.

Remember - food is food - a meal is a meal, it doesn't matter what it is. It does not have to be a hot meal for tea, as long as she is being fed. If she is eating a hot meal at lunchtime then a sandwich is fine for tea. Even if its not a hot meal at lunch, a sandwich is still fine, it is food.

One good tip I had from support groups linked to the school, was that it was very important to sit down together to eat, to spend that time together, so that was something that I took on board.

I have been a single parent since DD was 4, she is 15 now. It is a long hard slog but it's worth it in the end

Sounds like you’re doing a great job and are overwhelmed (as are ALL parents when kids start reception for the first time). I guarantee all the other parents feel the same too. You’ll just need to find a tweaked routine that works for you, it will take a few weeks.

Definitely stop extra curricular!

I am not a single parent but my husband and I both travel for work, so the times we get home/leave are erratic and if we aren’t super organised it can fall apart with late dinner etc.

For me:

1. get access to the school calender so you can see all reception relevant activities and plan them in/know about them well in advance otherwise it’s relentless
2. Uniform bundles for each day so it’s all sorted start of the week (my son has a PE kit then wear all day as well as normal uniform, so having them laid out means my husband doesn’t also send him in the wrong outfit on the wrong day)
3. Send a packed lunch in for after school club! My son also does ASC. They’re starving at 3! Send a packed lunch in then when you collect after work that crazed hunger is non-existent and you won’t need to do a full blown meal
4. bin off extra activities - too tiring in reception.
5. get up earlier and the mornings won’t be chaotic. We get up 6am so a leisurely start and we do reading then so nothing after a long day.

you’ll figure out a routine that works.

Does she have a school dinner? I find I can get away with toast/sandwich/a bit of pasta in the evening when DH is working and I’m on my own with kids as DS has a school dinner and childminder gives DD a good lunch (universal free school meals in KS1 are a god send!)

I did a packed tea for after swimming (until we moved it to a Saturday) that he could eat in the car, DH was home with DD on that day so DD and DD would have a big lunch on those days so we could all have a light tea. I took shampoo etc and showered him after swimming, took pjs and a onesie to put him in and then it was just a case of taking crocs and onesie off when we got home then milk, teeth, wee, book, bed.

Slow cooker and/or batch cook and freeze also works well.

I had been a single parent for 11 years. I worked and studied while looking after my son.

What really helped was batch cooking. Whenever I cooked I would make a lot more then store it in the freezer . It ended up saving me a lot of money because with just me and my son we ended up having a lot of food waste so we avoided that.

I did online shopping, this saved me the hassle of dragging around a hungry tired child around the shops.

I think it helps when you have a routine for yourself and little one and stick to it. Sometimes I had no routine and life was definitely easier with a routine. This helps so much with homework and bedtime battles.

As soon as my son came in he would put his shoes away and hang up his jacket. In the morning he would do his bed and a quick tidy of books he used the night before. I did quick nightly cleans and tackled one job a day which saved me a lot of time in the weekend. Also i cleaned as I went along which saved a lot of time. When I brushed my teeth I would quickly clean the sink and wipe the mirror I kept my cleaning supplies nearby. I try to make sure whatever my son uses he puts it away and I make sure he scrapes and washes his dishes after eating.

My son was so grumpy in the beginning of reception he was just so tired. I kept the evenings relaxed for him and gave him dinner early. He was very hungry after school. He got better once he got used to it.

Only one after school activity.
Friday swimming sounds lovely as a nice start to the WE.
Stop for treat dinner on the way home -pizza, F&C etc
Wash all school uniform on Friday evening, hang and dry on hangers in sets
I had 5 of everything, it's cheap and cuts down on washing and stress during the week
Check bookbag each evening and on a Friday.
School lunches so pizza, things on toast, crumpets, bagels, fruit, yoghurt for tea
Batch cook for yourself on rainy weekends
Robot vacuum cleaner-total game changer
Get one that washes floors as well if you have laminate/ hard floors
It can be a bit overwhelming with homework etc.
I found a routine worked for us

If she has a hot meal at school, I really wouldn't worry about doing full on evening meal.
Beans on toast, soup and bread or frozen jacket with some tuna and a yoghurt for pud is enough.
Absolutely get enough uniform so it's one wash a week.
Stick shoes by the door, put out uniform.
Most importantly cut yourself some slack. It does not have to be perfect. You are her mum and her whole world. Drop things if it gets too much for you (not just her).

Also I realised my son ate so much better in nursery than at school. In nursery all the teachers and children are together in one table and they make sure the children are eating well. I think at school my son just ate a few bites and rushed to play with his friends. So having a hot nutritious meal will be nice for them to come home to.

@Moanyoldmoan I'm sure you're superwoman, but this woman is asking for helpful suggestions, not a details about how great you are.

OP - school dinners are full meals so light tea on those evenings is fine

Firstly eat together, she's not a little one any more and eating together is beneficial in many ways (even if its different foods) as they often talk more freely over food at the table. That will free up some time for you as you won't need to eat later. Batch cooking is another option or if means allow buy meals in (there's batch cooking services here). Another reality is you may need to reconsider if you can still do clubs on weeknights, I found once a week was enough at that age.

Pack up loads of toys and put them in boxes in the attic. You can rotate once a month. Less to play with means less mess

Non iron clothes reduce work

put out clothes for the week on a Sunday night. You can get a hanging shelf thing for the wardrobe with labelled days of the week on it, so DD knows what to put on each morning

plan a 15 min pickup session right before you leave for school each day and right before bath each evening. Its gets DD used to cleaning up her things and being responsible (not thinking that Mum will just pick up after her)

on Sat morning, have DD jump into bed with you and drinks (tea and milk etc) and plan the food for the week. She can help you menu plan and make a shopping list, then that will also feel like a team effort.

can DD be responsible for pairing all the socks in the washing? And sweeping the kitchen floor..it doesnt matter quite how effective she is about doing jobs, its more about you feeling like you are sharing the job, but also you are teaching her to contribute. You both then get to feel good about jobs getting done for the week.

I had a rota of jobs for the week, so tried to wash on Mondays and Fridays, clean the kitchen before the school run and after dinner every day (the basics plus one extra thing like wiping a fridge shelf) ironing on Sunday, garden on Sat, shopping on Tues etc

I'm not a single mum so I don't know how hard that must be but my advice is if you can get them to have their main cooked dinner at school and just have a sandwich after school it's so much easier! Also I don't feel guilty about that as I know they've had a decent meal at school. I would also agree having enough uniform for the week is a good idea. Also don't stress too much about things like reading, spellings after school... I think having time with you is a lot more important. Mine have 15 mins of free reading before they go to sleep and we do spellings only when we can.

Ask yourself is swimming and gymnastics vital ?
School dinners ?
Maybe eat together on some evenings save doing two lots of clearing up.
Maybe nice for your DD too as you get to talk over a meal together

Prep the uniforms on hangers for the whole week. Have multiple sets of lunchboxes and water bottles etc so if you don't have a clean one handy you have a spare to use without running round trying to find it. Packed lunch prep as far as you can for a couple of days ahead always one or two nights before. Bag on a hook every night ready to throw stuff into it (book bag, lunchbox etc). No TV before school. No breakfast before she's fully dressed either (an incentive to get dressed!). She can wear an apron to avoid spoiling her uniform while eating breakfast. Audiobook is ok if you're too knackered to do a full storytime at night. Weekends are for laundry and deep clean as far as you can prep for the following week. Might be worth considering dropping just one activity if you can to avoid burnout. And never bother with ironing if you can get away with it, or homework at that age!!! Bath every other day is not going to kill her.

Yes, I’d agree with that. Even now mine are 7 and 11, I’m not too keen to have scheduled activities every weekend.

I'd have gone with a childminder over an ASC - most childminders offer a proper home cooked meal (whatever their own family are eating) so its a job less, and younger children can be shattered and overwhelmed by a busy ASC 5 days a week.

A FULL set of uniform for every day?

no. Too much! Aside from being a waste of money, they don’t need it.

3 of skirts/trousers is enough- one on, one for tomorrow and one in the wash. Only change the trousers/skirts if they’re filthy/really need changing.

have a spare jumper or a jumper and cardigan. 5 shirts is the only thing I’d agree to a full set

if she’s getting cooked school lunch, picky bits once or twice a week is fine

I used to take car picnics for my DS

Plenty of uniform - minimum of 3 sets so one on, one ready to wear, one in the wash.
Make use of a slow cooker and/or batch cooking as that helps - take a portion out of the freezer and it will be defrosted and ready to heat up by the time you get home.
if you have high house work standards, lower them. Blitz it at the weekend but ignore the rest of the time. Worked well for me, anyway.
Buy clothes that don’t need ironing
think about your own routine - can you get an extra half hour in bed/time to do stuff if you shower in the evening rather than the morning, for example?

once you find your routine, don’t bargain with yourself or rebel against it! I hated doing packed lunches, drove me insane, so sometimes I would give it a miss in the evening. Always regretted it when trying to throw them together the next morning! Find what works and stick with it.

Mine used to do an activity on Friday after school. We bought fish and chips and the way home and had an easy evening, tried to do some fun stuff on Saturday and Sunday was batch cooking and washing. Very little ironing went on in my house.

At one stage I was taking 5 kids to swimming lessons on Saturday morning, my two and another family where both parents worked Saturday. Sunday afternoon they'd take my two when they all went off to a local beauty spot to walk their dog. I got so much done in those 2 or 3 hours.

I was/am a single parent….

In reception my tips - they don’t need complete all uniform every day if they aren’t dirty .. although I would say reception children are prone to paint and gravy stains on top ..

Tidy up time - get her tidying up to a favourite song - routine things .. put laundry in baskets .

as others say batch cook , or simple meals anything with bread , pizza , slow cookers whatever works .

you will find your way