How to not have children who are addicted to screens

[AdrianeMole]

Thinking way ahead here about my baby's future, I see threads here about kids always on tablets etc. Are there parents out there who's children don't have devices or use them very sparingly and how have you managed this?

I think it’s quite simple - have firm boundaries. Mine have never, ever been on my phone. I just didn’t think to ever offer it to them at moments when they might be bored, I saw a lady at school today whose toddler was in the buggy watching something on an iPhone while waiting to pick the older one. It just never crossed my mind to do that because I think there is so much to look at in the world - people’s faces, clothes, the sky and also that boredom isn’t bad for people! Not judging that mother of course, just I wouldn’t think to do it. I’ve also never gone down the route of giving them screens in cafes while waiting.

our second main boundary is that watching stuff on tablets/iPads is for afternoons on the weekend. Mornings we get out and about as a family or do something at home. I think children like predictability and knowing what’s coming so if they no, for example, that there is never screen time in the mornings they generally accept that. We don’t allow TV before school but we do Afterschool etc (although as they are at Afterschool club they don’t actually get that much time once home to watch TV)
as your child gets older you’ll figure out what works for you!

Exactly what @Longwhiskers said. My DCs don't need to have a phone or tablet to keep them quiet during a meal or waiting for a bus or whatever, because they have never been given one in the first place. Start as you mean to go on. When they were little we took small games or toys to keep them entertained if we were eating out, etc, so they haven't become dependent on screens. They do use tablets at home but it's limited to school work or things like the games on CBBC, and we have time limits and encourage them to do other stuff instead. As they are getting older the youngest in particular has started asking for a tablet of his own so that he can play minecraft like his cousin, but tbh it's not something that really features in our lives.

Boundaries. Not giving it to them too young, when you do set a timer. Then they know time ends / screen off.

I’ve also never let them have any apps until they are at the legal age limit and there’s a hard no to TikTok and Snapchat (mine are teens).

They are both pretty good and the 16 year old in particular is completely unbothered by her phone.

Parents not spending loads of time on their phones probably helps.

Boundaries when young and encouraging sport or other activities away from it as they grow up.

Our 9yo has a set amount of time each day. He had 30 minutes before school as he’s up at 6:30. If he wakes up before then, he can read or play.
We allow unlimited screen time when travelling as we normally get the train.
We’ve never had screens at the table or whilst eating out. He often brings a book when we go out for if he doesn’t want to chat between courses.

Absolutely start as you mean to go on. If you don't want a child looking at a phone when you go out for dinner, don't give them a phone. But understand that means more than just one decision on your part. You also have to decide to put up with boredom and a little bit of grizzling. That means you have to pick your restaurant carefully - not fair to spoil someone else's night at a Michelin star place! That means you might also have to decide to skip the cocktails and dessert - in and out is best. And you might have to take some crayons or have some paper games that you play to stave off boredom. And you might have to eat early. And in a place that you woudn't personally choose but that your children will like.

I'm not saying any of that to put you off - we were always very controlled around screens. But it's not as easy as saying 'just don't give them one' - you have to plan.

And 100% agree with the poster who says obey age restrictions on apps. To be honest, that's the best decision we ever made and it followed through to games (when DC got a bit older) and films too. If you're consistent on that it will cut out millions of arguments.

My sister in law has done an excellent job with screens for her 13 year old and 10 year old. The one tablet they have is limited to 30 minutes a day maximum and the oldest has a basic phone with no internet function. She simply limited screens from the very start and has always been firm with her boundaries.
Both boys are intelligent, well read (they read every day, they love books), focused and interested, and they have many hobbies such as fishing, biking, hiking.
Fully intend to follow her lead, her parenting is great.

Mine is only 3 so I can’t comment on older children but personally, mine has no screen time at all at the moment.
The amount of crap I take from family members and other parents over this is unreal 🙈 apparently it makes me a “cruel” mum and I’m told he’s missing out on so many educational programs 🤣

In our house, the TV isn’t on during the day (I appreciate this is much easier while only having 1 child in the house ). It doesn’t get switched on until after DS is in bed. We have a very strict ‘no phones at the table’ rule for DH and I too. Obviously screens will be an inevitable part of life but I intend to hold quite firm boundaries on it as he grows.

The only exception to this so far has been the couple of times he’s had a sickness bug. I cuddled up on the couch with him those days and we watched some nice movies while he napped on and off. It was helpful for it to be novelty enough that it held his attention and distracted him when he felt rubbish.

Mine are all under 10. I made sure I instilled a love of reading from a young age and my older two always read for pleasure at bedtime and when they wake up in the morning- no screens in bedrooms. I have quite firm boundaries but they are allowed screen time. So no use of our iPads Mon-Thurs and they can have some TV after clubs and homework done in the week.
Fridays they can have an hour of iPad after school. We have never used screens in restaurants; we either eat in child friendly places or eat out without them occasionally!
I’m less strict at weekends, where they can have about 2 hours of iPad time.
For the summer holidays, I let them have a couple of hours of screen time a day, but I wrote up ground rules at the start which they needed to agree to- this saved so much less arguing and they were very good at self-regulating using a timer. They only really play Minecraft and are allowed very limited YouTube. So for us, clear boundaries have been helpful!

My kids are 3 and 5. They don't have their own tablet, and they only watch something on our phones if I or their dad shows them something specific, which is rare. They can't watch anything on tv without one of us putting it on for them either. The exception is at my mums, she will give them her tablet to watch, but they go there once every couple of weeks so I can live with that. We don't have any games consoles set up, so they don't play any computer games. DH and I don't have phones at the table at mealtimes, and when we eat the tv is off too. Consequently they are used to sitting at the table at mealtimes without screens, so they tend to manage that OK if we go out somewhere too.

As they get older things will change no doubt, but at the moment we can limit it because we control the access.

Not having children who are addicted to screens is just a case of setting strict limits. So a small amount of TV (which is not introduced early) and not buying them their own tech. Also have plenty of other things to do - and accept that this might mean you getting more involved. If you use tech as a babysitter, don't be surprised if your child comes to want it all the time.

Not having teens who are addicted to screens on the other hand ...

We’ve slipped into bad habit.
my kids are by no means on screens all day, but they are on them
more than I’d like.

I think delay screen use as much as possible and when introduced keep it as minimal as possible.

I also try to pay attention to the effect of different types of screen time. My kids can’t watch a film on Tv and come off it acting perfectly normal. Where as they’d come off watching you tube on the IPAD for 30 minutes and be absolutely manic hyper.

My aim isn’t for no screen time (I love that my son writes stories online and looks up stuff about Ancient Greece) but for a sensible amount of screen time that doesn’t affect their behaviour and doesn’t stop them engaging in other things.

My 4 year old doesn't have a tablet. He watches my phone on car journeys just because it means I can listen to my music otherwise I'm stuck with nursery rhymes or whinging 😂 but that's all, he never has the phone at home or when we're out and he knows not to ask.

As above we never give screens when our and about, they only get screens on 1+ hour car journeys. We also don't allow screens before school and only for 30 mins after school. They can watch a film at the weekend. I'd prefer a long programme or film to an hour or more on YouTube, so we don't allow them to control the device they're watching on yet. My eldest (8) is asking more and more to watch TV at the weekend so we hide the remotes up high on a shelf when we go to bed the night before otherwise she's been known to sneak down at 4am!

Not sure if my DD is too young to comment but I am on maternity leave still so go to coffee shops quite regularly while we're out and about. My DD is 10 months and I have a tote bag with three books and some toys in it that I keep in the pram in case she gets bored while I have a coffee.
I'm hoping this is creating a habit and we continue like this but we shall see! Maybe I'm naive 😂

It’s easy to be smug when they are 4! I will be impressed if you have an average sociable 14 year old who isn’t on screens. I have never come across such a thing!

It completely changes when they are teenagers though.

Mine were all wooden toys and minimal screen time, but then school required laptops for all homework, they needed phones for school and socialising.

Once those genies are out of the box it’s very hard to regulate them if they love screentime.

My youngest is better as he’s naturally very sporty and active, playing for various teams and socialising through them. My eldest would love to be better at sport but isn’t, so his online time is his main downtime/outlet. It’s very tricky.

Some can self-regulate, some can't. It's largely personality ime. We don't have limits as such because DC1 isn't too bad (DC2 is still too young for screens). DC1 will watch TV but if I put out another, more interesting activity, then they'll wander over and do that for a bit. And we're out of the house most days doing other things, which helps to limit screen time. If I had a child who was glued to screens for hours, I'd probably set stricter limits. By the time they're teens/tweens though, I'm not sure there's a lot you can do.

The best way of managing it is to get them pursuing other hobbies and interests.

I have two older teens. Both are typical screen addicts of their generation. However, one always did every after school club going and is sporty - she trains 3 evenings a week and plays matches both weekend days and has done this since she was 8/9 years old. It means she has massively reduced time on screens compared to her friends and her gaming-addict older brother. Her best friend does a lot of dance classes and competitions, so is the same.

Youre a fighting a losing battle against the culture by trying to stop them being on screens once they start secondary school. Better to distract distract distract as much as possible with other fun and engaging activities that keep them away from their phones for long periods.

Oh yeah, all these boundaries and limits and alternative activities work brilliantly. Until about the age of 12 when all their friends have phones, have YouTube, have Snapchat, play Fortnite etc etc etc and they’re left out and seen as weird and can’t participate or socialise so you unbend a bit and then a bit more and then a bit more and by the time they’re 14, you have a phone zombie.

Dgs is 4, dd is very strict on screens. He only gets the ipad if in a waiting room or if there is a long wait for a meal when eating out. He gets 30 minutes of TV before bath to signal that the day is slowing down before bedtime no other time. I do childcare but dgs isn't allowed screens here dd's choice. He never asks because he has never seen my TV on so it doesn't occur to him that it's an option, I move the laptop and all phones are off limits both here and at home.

It all really changes when they become teenagers.

I'm surprised at the poster saying no internet on phones for a teen. DC1 secondary requires a phone at school. They use it for doing online quizzes. If you child doesn't have a smart phone, they might be the only one who can't do it. They also get their homework via an app. (Obviously, they can check it on a laptop at home too). They needed the GooseChase app for a guide camp too.

Even primary school has a lot of apps and 30min screen time is likely to mean they only get through their homework and no time to play games on them. It's ok if that's what you intend.

I think it's just supervision, boundaries and organising alternative activities to keep them busy.

Mine don't have devices of their own at 11 and 9 years.

They use the library PCs and iPads.

We have rules about how much TV is reasonable - it's seasonal.

I model reading when we are waiting - GP Practice, dentist, queuing, etc.

And no phone when young does not mean they aren't phone addicts when older. Too many posters here don't have kids who are teenagers now.