How to not have children who are addicted to screens

[AdrianeMole]

Thinking way ahead here about my baby's future, I see threads here about kids always on tablets etc. Are there parents out there who's children don't have devices or use them very sparingly and how have you managed this?

Mine are still under 7 so it's been easier so far. All I've done is live by the idea that it's easier not to start than to stop. I'm pretty relaxed about TV but I don't like unsupervised tablets and apps.

Preplanning has been a big part of it for me. If we are going somewhere where extended waiting and them being disruptive would cause me stress, I will have a bag full of colouring, sticker books etc, really nice gel pens. I'll deploy everything I can to keep them seated and quiet. For long journeys I use music, audiobooks and cbeebies radio.

As an absolute last resort, I do have some kid game apps that I don't mind installed on my phone. There's a shape sorter for younger kids and for my eldest there's Pokemon Go so they're things that we can play together and talk about rather than them being absorbed in a video in their own world.

They never have devices in the house, and as such I never have to have discussions about time limits etc. I'm going to hold on as long as I can.

Having boundaries works for us. We have ‘device time’ at scheduled times. Normally in the evening only on a school night. More relaxed in the holidays. No screens at the table when eating and we also don’t leave the house with them. Also encouraging reading a lot. At least 10 minutes a day and often before they can use the device.

Realistically you can't escape screens - even in my reception my child was issued an I pad and most of the homework was reading (online) maths (online) etc.

I try to not have the tv on as background noise - which is easier said than done as I notice they'll put something on for 5 mins then go off and play - better to not have it on at al. No TV at meal times, turned off before bedtime etc

In reality you might be judgy about parents giving a child a phone with Disney on it to watch but if they are anything like me it's last resort type action as I'm a single parent and I have 2 year old twins - if I want to be able to watch my eldests hobby without them running off getting up to mischief then 30 mins of a Disney film isn't going to hurt them in my opinion so long as it's the exception rather than the norm

Also I sort of laugh at parents who have the no screen rule when they just have the one child - I have 3 and yes it's sometimes needed as crowd control but unless you are in that situation you don't know how you'll react 😁

Fuck sake of course your children are going to have screens and so they should. If they don't, if they are over policed, they will have few friends, no technology skills, nothing to talk about with peers and be just plain weird and unpopular. Here's a list of other things DS enjoyed. Try them as well as screens. Gymnastics, amdram, guinea pigs, TV, hanging about, Jujitsu, parkrun, growing stuff, arguing with teachers, playing with action figures. But he bloody loved screens.

2 kids 5 and 1.5.

Never in restaurants or in public.

On long car journeys anything goes.

At home when we need sanity time. Honestly op you don't know what it's like until they're at the age you're thinking of. If my eldest didn't have it at home he would drive me absolutely crazy and he is a good, easy child. We have loads of outdoor time and he has a happy balanced childhood but sometimes I need to breathe. You'll understand in a few years!

My DC are 6 and 8 they have never had screens at the table and DH and I follow this rule too. They have set times when they are allowed the screen in the evening, they know when this is and know that it is a rule we stick to so they don't even bother asking for it at other times. They also do a lot of after school clubs which is during their allotted screen time which reduces access even further.

Our DC had no screens ever in their first year. Never allowed screens in their bedrooms until they were in 6th form.
Went out every day - whatever the weather - for a walk, cycle, or to the playpark.
We read them a bedtime story every night. Played board games and loads of imaginary games with them as well as hide and seek etc. So there was a lot of routine time every day that wasn't screen based.
Set up Lego and train sets and let them stay up so they'd naturally return to keep building or playing .
Got table football etc as they grew so when friends came round they didn't automatically go for gaming.
On long journeys we'd have puzzle books, card games etc and audio books.

Totally agree!

Also great for those parents who have instilled a love of hiking and reading 🤣 but as others have said it's very personality driven - If you have a child who struggles with reading then they aren't going to pick up a book and read as a hobby in favour of the TV, or a child who is perhaps less able physically hiking isn't going to happen or even long walks, hobbies are also expensive - gymnastics, swimming, martial art, etc all costs. Factor in cost of living or more than one child you can't fill their time with hobbies to minimise screen time as good as that idea sounds on paper.

I agree things change as the kids get older. As I said mine are only young still, and it's easy to control it now. But I've seen with older nieces and nephews that it's a different challenge as they get older. Teenagers and their parents have a tricky balance to find, between being social and accepted among peers, and managing their mental health and wellbeing. Having requirements to do homework on laptops, apps to use to study, etc, and the insidiousness of social media, I do worry about how we will manage that with our kids when they get to that age.

Mine don't have their own devices other than the eldest in seniors, who has a mobile (which she only got in Yr 7) that has a screen time limit on it for 2 hours a day, for any apps that aren't homework. The only social media she has is WhatsApp.

There is one laptop (which is mine) and one ipad. The others have to use these for homework. No game station.

They've asked in the past if they can have their own because their friends do, the answer has always been no.

Television is on after tea when they chilling out before bed, usually a movie or something. No TV before school at all.

The elder three do have a kindle, which they can use to their hearts content and read as much as they like!

I know I'm stricter than most parents but I think if you start as you mean to go on, its easier then if they are given the device, then are spending too much time on it. So just decide boundaries from the beginning and stick to them

Tbf I was always very liberal on the use of screens so no idea why dd is so strict but it's her rules and I follow them even if I would do differently. For now it's not difficult but I imagine she will need to relax the rules as he gets older.

We did fine till we hit the teenage years.

I used to be smug too.

100% agree. I was just as strict with screen limits as many of the parents of younger kids who posted above. Smugly thought that my kids would grow into teens who were indifferent to screens.

The fuck they did - 13yo DS has spent most of the summer gaming, 11yo DD is constantly messaging her mates on WhatsApp and playing some game about a kawaii cat.

It's easy to think you'll be strict once they're older, but much harder to put into practice....

To start with you need a plan that also considers

1. Gaming is part of society now, and social interaction.
2. Their working lives are likely to require use of technology, some extensively.

It's about healthy balance and there's no hard and fast rule but so many parents see one problem and don't think out of the box. Use of screens led my dyslexic son to.... find an outlet for his frustration at school, keep in contact with mates of an evening, learn to code, relapsed he could read better if it was typed on a screen. Ultimately its led to his career as a software engineer. He used screens a lot but sensibly. It put him at a huge advantage when choosing a career and nailing an apprenticeship.

Of course outdoor hobbies are fabulous and activities like scouts, swimming and ballet etc all excellent ways to help bring up a well rounded individual.

Just my advice is not too be so blinkered to the advantages of screen time too.

Part of it is your own usage. I’m a bad example to my kids - I spend far too much time doom scrolling on social media and on here. I should be a better model if I want to keep mine off screens.

We do have a family rule of no phones at the table and away when we we are watching something as a family in the evening together but I could do better.

There are definite benefits to kids using screens some of the time. As a LP I rely on my son gaming etc because otherwise I get little work time / downtime.

DS is 11 and his use of screens has shot right up

I actively monitor his youtube usage and have his whatsapp on my Laptop.

I have left him be for the summer holidays, but the weeks DP and I have had off, we have made sure to do things with him out the house and without technolog, he has days out with friends and family, yes he has had days where he has just gamed, but its teaching him to have a break, take some down time away from the screen and giving him good habits around the screentime as well.

I was given a heads up from people with older children, how much he will need screens at senior school and just from the small bit I have gotten so far most of all seems to be online

Ask your kid to show you their class whatsapp and her classmates status updates. They are updating it like instagram. Mine aren't 13 yet so don't have instagram. Only whatsapp. But her friends do tons of status updates with it. I didn't even know it's possible before.

@gazpachosoupday definitely. Homework on a homework app, email and teams. A lot of them are also handed back in via same app or teams. They also need to use Office 365. There are also regular home learning to watch videos on YouTube.

You can't avoid it with secondary school.

Don't give them screens.
DS will be five soon he doesn't have a tablet and neither do we so he hasn't used one.
TV is cbeebies, the occasional thing on CBBC , we are not a house where the TV is on 'in the background' it goes on to watch something then off again. Streaming services play over episode after another and that leads to binge watching, which is why we prefer cbeebies. We don't have phones at the table even as adults.
He sees us talk, play board games (he joined in some now), read. We are outdoorsy even in winter.
Screens aren't a big part of our lives so they're not a big part of his. MN is probably the most time I spend online but usually in breaks at work or in the evening when he's in bed.
We have a home PC that DH built, that he will be able to use for homework etc when he's older.

We've always had animals - so chickens, dogs, horses ALL have to be seen to first thing, before school there is zero time for screens. Then weekends start the same way and once outside, it's harder to go in. Dark winter evenings maybe - but animals take priority.
Similarly we don't become slaves to our phones. If the phone rings we might check who is ringing but let it go to answer, and we don't do much SM at home during the day, so screens are not the norm

Exactly this IMO

All ours had screens and phones. Ds had a PlayStation age 5. He’s 29 now. He works on national media.

All have Masters and some PHD’s. One is a lecturer at the top uni in U.K. They all read avidly, can converse at very high levels, have children and are all round model citizens.

Screens had no bad effects on any of them. I hate the demonisation of screens. We live in a digital age.Why are they deemed as evil? It’s like a a competition to see who can ban these terrible screens so much.

I don't limit screens in my house both my dc are autistic , older one also has learning difficulties and adhd etc the oldest one takes the tablet everywhere it taught him to speak when younger!! His specialist school also encourages him to use it as he's reading when he's not reading ifyswim he learns a lot more from his iPad and computer games then he does from paper , he does hand it in at night though controllers aswell as he would be up all night , the younger one plays out alot and doesn't use hers quite as much but she's very very clever and loves reading anyway! Screens aren't a bad thing they use them in schools and all walks of life children that done use them at all are more at a disadvantage than the ones that do!