How to not have children who are addicted to screens

[AdrianeMole]

Thinking way ahead here about my baby's future, I see threads here about kids always on tablets etc. Are there parents out there who's children don't have devices or use them very sparingly and how have you managed this?

Another perspective - I was relaxed about tv when dd was tiny, and she was allowed to look at photos on my phone too, then I got her an Amazon Fire thing when she was 5.

If she wants to watch TV she's welcome to.

Basically screens are part of her life and have been since she was about 2.

But she's totally uninterested. She will watch tv occasionally, I've managed to get her to play a baking game online a couple of times on a long journey, but that's it.

So maybe some of it is nature and not just nurture?

Maybe if I'd restricted it she would be keener? Maybe she wouldn't. No way of knowing.

Just been reading through some of the other comments this morning and I think it's interesting that some parents try to diminish the value of less screen time as a young child by how much screen time a teenager has.

IMO being a young child is (obviously) a time of huge brain development and limiting screen time is a positive thing, even if they use a bit more when their older.

Also it is hard limiting screen time and I do give myself a pat on the back for doing it because it's not easy. If that comes across as superior I don't really care, I just care about the fact my daughter is doing so well.

Well, I think for the 13 year old that’s a brilliant way to isolate her from her peers, make her seem weird and leave her unable to communicate with the friends she does have. Which is far more damaging than anything a screen will do. She will end up resenting her mother hugely, if she doesn’t already.

*he, sorry

I’ve actually got a teen who has strict limits on her internet access. She’s not weird, or friendless. I think that argument is pretty weak, there’s a huge difference between controlling screens and banning them entirely. I agree a ban would be entirely impractical given school requirements and friendships.

I think it’s all about balance. She has a phone, but no social media until recently. Now she has WhatsApp and 15 minutes per day of Insta. I didn’t allow YouTube until she was 13, as that’s the official age limit. Her devices (phone and school laptop) have overnight shut downs, web filtering and need permission to download apps.

She also has a lot of hobbies that keep her off screens, which I encourage. But a few days binge watching age-filtered Netflix in the holidays doesn’t bother me, when I know she will spend a lot of time with friends or volunteering as well.

@ZonedIn

This sounds like the scenario I would like but haven’t managed.

Can I ask how she stayed in touch with her friends as a younger teen without Snapchat? That’s all they all seem to use.

@Namddf She only had texts until late in Y8, no WhatsApp. In Y7 it was ok as most of her friends had iMessage and they used those groups. As friendships changed, she was missing out due to not having WhatsApp, so I agreed to add it (and partly because WhatsApp added some safety settings around not being automatically added to large groups).

Most (maybe all) of her friends have Snapchat, but they all have WhatsApp and so if dd is involved they use that. Snapchat seems to be more about streaks and fun, rather than setting up times to meet etc. It’s possible she does miss out on things and if she tells me it’s a problem I’m open to negotiation, like I was with WhatsApp. I just do ask for evidence that is causing a problem for her, rather than ‘but everyone has it’.

My grandson comes to my house and we game together on the x box. Age appropriate and I play when he's not here to unlock things and collect studs for him to buy stuff in the games.

I'm nearly 60 and he's 5. He has a lot of fun.

Play together, you might enjoy it and they would love to share their interests with you.

For a start, they’re boys, as per my post. And you sound totally moronic, to be honest.

Don't let them use them too often. Whole days without TV. Teach them to amuse themselves in journeys and in restaurants without screens.

Honestly I can't bear how people behave these days. Family parties with kids all on screens the whole term. Journeys with kids all watching ipads. It's okay to be bored and let your mind wander. It's actually beneficial. Parents do it because it makes their life easier but I think it's shabby tbh.

Some days binge watching is the only thing and that's fine, we all do what we have to do to get through the day sometimes but I don't think solving every bit of quiet time does developing brains any favours at all.

Can you be more specific? What about my opinion do you think is moronic?

I corrected the gender, with an apology, in my post immediately underneath.

I think no one strategy works for all children. Some children are just calmer and more able to sit still or occupy themselves in cafes/waiting for doctors appts/while you cook. Others are just livewires who aren't interested in colouring or stickers despite parents best efforts. I loved colouring/drawing/stickers so fully expected mine to enjoy it but my older one was just not interested at all as a toddler/preschooler and only wanted to run around.... We have shelves of pristine colouring and sticker books we've been given which just haven't been touched... He is 9 now and just starting to get into adult type colouring having previously had absolutely zero interest. One of mine doesn't seem to have much interest in gaming but the other one is really keen to play any kind of computer game. So I think I will have different challenges with the two of them.

You’re suggesting that limiting screen time makes you weird and unable to communicate with peers? Quite the opposite is true, I’d say.
There’s an unhealthy obsession with checking phones/emails/watching TV, which takes away from experiencing the more important stuff - talking to and actually doing things with people.
Pushing a screen in front of a child has become an easy method of distraction, and so much of what they see on screen isn’t based in reality. Too much screen time runs the risk of becoming dysfunctional and withdrawn.

Having little screens at home was socially an issue fir my dcs from 8~10yo onwards.
From not having a PlayStation/Xbox to not watching Dr Who and other well known series.

That sort of stuff IS a subject of conversation, like it or not really. Much easier to deal with as an adult than as a child. Even though it still sets you apart in a major way depending on who
you are interacting with (some people assume you are snobby if you say you don’t watch tv/play video games etc…)

So isolating a 13 year old in a digital age is ‘moronic?’

Yeah🙄

Where’s the isolation? 30 minutes a day on screen, a phone, healthy family life, loads of activities, plenty of friends.

I didn’t say it was weird, I said it would make them ‘seem weird’ i.e amongst their peer group. Like it or not, that’s how they’ll see it.

They’ll be being left out. They may not say it or you might not think it but there’ll be group chats and stupid memes and jokes and videos being shared and conversations happening that a 13 year old without a smart phone is not part of.

Us adults think it’s all meaningless crap that doesn’t matter, me included, but it’s their lifeblood at that age.

There's a kid in my sons year at high school (age 14) whose parents very strictly limit screen time.

Poor kid - it's widely known and talked about. And these days he's seen as weird. It's a reality if the world today.

Too much screen time runs the risk of becoming dysfunctional and withdrawn

Not for mine it didn’t.

Thats total shite. I think we have to agree to disagree.

You sure?

Read my earlier posts.

I just have never given my toddler my phone or iPad etc. she does watch tele now and again but that's to benefit me more than anything if I need to do something for 10 mins.