How to not have children who are addicted to screens

[AdrianeMole]

Thinking way ahead here about my baby's future, I see threads here about kids always on tablets etc. Are there parents out there who's children don't have devices or use them very sparingly and how have you managed this?

Our toddler doesn't have a tablet, is allowed occasional cartoons when it suits us and we're not rigid on screen rules so it doesn't become a forbidden pleasure.
We also have two teens/tween. They have phones but time restrictions on most apps and everything 'fun' turns off ar 10pm, set up by DH on Apple family settings

This^

Mine are all high functioning delightful, highly educated adults with enviable jobs.

Screens did them no harm. We live in a digital world. I’ve never believed the crap about screens harming children. It’s just Luddism. They need to learn to live with them.

This is what I was told and I have been sent a link to something (from the school) where I seem to have no interaction with any humans, it can all be done on this app and DS will have it as well to be able to do stuff.

Its a bit of a culture shock in a way, from when I was at senior school and computers were just coming in.

While I completely understand people's point of view around addiction and things, I honestly think this is with things like social media, DS loves a bit of youtube and he watches things and hears things and I have taught him, if someone tells him the grass is blue and not green to find out if that is actually true and find out his various sources on why its either bullshit or not.

Its much easier, than when I was younger and to find out about a country, you had to walk down to the library, (make sure its not a Wednesday afternoon, when they were closed) find the books, search for what you are looking for.

Now you type a few words onto a screen and you can learn about different countries, cultures, more English and UK history than Henry 8th and Queen Victoria

Yes lots of smug parents on this thread full stop!

@BBringOnSummerHolidays
She has shown me, she's quite open with her phone. Honestly there's one friend who updates her status, and its usually quite odd, hence why she shows me, other than the one, it's not really a done thing on their WhatsApp because the rest of them use Snapchat/tiktok a lot.

Covid massively helped my two. We had a vague routine to help us get through the day (they were 3&5) with two 1 hour slots of TV time. They have always lived by that so we've continued it.

We've only just bought a tablet this year (they're 6&8) and tablet use falls within the TV time. They don't question it.

They've never had our phones. Well maybe to take a picture but then they hand it back.

Strict no devices at the table. All adults included!

Me and DH try not to use our phones too much in front of the kids.

Eating out - always take something to do/read. Even now.

Car journeys - Yoto. In fact Yoto generally. So much more engaging than push the button type screen games.

I do think screens have their place but some people are creating monsters with the age and lack of boundaries their kids have them. I teach in KS1 and you can tell who sits on tablets and who plays at home. Parents think you can't, you absolutely can. As far as TV, they really don't need much beyond CBeebies. It's so much better quality than most of the dross on Netflix, prime, YouTube etc.

And Numberblocks!! If they're watching something, please make your 3-7 year old watch numberblocks. It's absolutely amazing for their understanding of maths!!

I was going to mention this too. For neurodiverse children screentime & can be a way for them to regulate their emotions. My DD is awaiting autism assessment & does a range of activities but screen time is helpful for her when she needs to have some downtime. She also plays a lot & is very creative. But it helps her decompress. It’s like anything in life, you need balance.

It's not easy post about Year 2.

Once all the kids are talking about Minecraft/Roblox/YouTube etc I think you have to allow it. And keep boundaries that feel comfortable to you.

I try to allow it as one of a wide variety of things we do. My 7 and 9 year old have had tablets for 2 and a half years (due to what the school required of them during lockdown which I now disagree with in hindsight). Reading, swimming, walks, cycling, audio books, podcasts, art, junk modelling, lego, play with toys, climbing, fun days out, learning an instrument are all interspersed with screens. I have to put in 100% effort here. I also only allow documentaries Mon-Thurs....the flashing lscreen and loud noises of some of the cartoons are a nightmare. I also hate what I call "shouting American youtubers" who seem to be mostly young guys doing loud pranks.

Also, neuro diverse children can use tech to self regulate and gaming can often allow them to socialise in a way which bypass their social and communication difficulties, so be prepared for that too.

Personally, the last few weeks of the summer holidays have been too screen heavy for my liking, creating moodiness and tempers in my children. We have reined it back in over the last few days and it has made a huge, notable difference.

Some boundaries I fully intend to keep as they become teens : no tech in the bedroom, turn off at an appropriate time we agree on every night.

As a teacher in secondary, I have seen many a lovely twenty come unstuck with yniwise photos sharing/SM usage or choices.

My child is only 3 so I'm no expert but I've never once handed him my phone or a tablet to use. It depresses me to see babies (under 12mths) with phones in their prams, or toddlers in cafes who are sat down and immediately have a screen put in front of them. Who knows how things will go as he gets older, but for now I know I can take him anywhere and not have to give him a screen to get him to behave/distract him.

My eldest is 3. He watches TV but that's restricted 1-2 hours a day in normal circumstances. Sometimes he skips days. We don't own iPads / tablets, nor does he watch anything on our phones. We bring little quite toys, sticker books and magazines to restaurants / plane trips etc.
We were fortunate as he's a pretty chilled toddler who can sit and occupy himself but I know it's not so easy for eveyone.

It’s like that meme “don’t show off how fit and gorgeous you are at 25 come back like that at 45 then I’m impressed” 😀.

When ours at primary we had minimal tv /no iPads /no phones until secondary. How smug we were! What marvellous parents! And then….

My ds13 has never had any restriction, so its never been seen as a forbidden fruit. He can quite happily socialise at meal etc without picking up a phone, gets top marks at school, has loads of hobbies etc.

In answer to your question, you can't!!
My 15 yo and 16 yo both love their screens. They socialise on them, shop on them, 16yo DS2 has an online business.

I used to try and fight it.....

They also spend time at the beach with friends, walk the dog, go to the gym, go into town with friends.
I'm not as hung up on it now.

Time limits on screens - we try to keep it around 2 hours a day.

Screens are non negotiable in the car on journeys over 1 hour - meaning that they always have them. Otherwise we wouldn't go anywhere over an hour away

Never ever have screens at mealtimes etc

Yeah I agree with this. It’s a constant battle with the teens to maintain some semblance of balance and boundaries, but basically the older they get, the more control they inevitably have of course, and the less you can do about the inevitable addiction (should it take this form) that most of us have.

That’s not to say don’t try when they’re little, but it’s a case of ‘if you don’t want them to drown, teach them to swim’.

We have strict rules around screen time.
TV for a max of 1hr in the mornings.
TV for half an hour at snack time when not at school or after school on school days.
Switch time is half an hour on Monday afternoons with their dad. Occasionally they get the same on a Saturday morning.
Family movie night on Fridays.
Tablet allowed each day but they have to earn each minute on it by doing chores. They usually earn 10mins per day.
No screens at the table. Rarely have screens out of the house.
They are still 100% screen obsessed. But they also know the rules and aren't permanently plugged into a screen. So I suppose a compromise.

Once kids are a certain age they have to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. Typically, those deprived of chocolates and sweets go nuts at 11 once at secondary school with some freedom. Same applies to screen restricted kids once they go off to uni.

With screens it is also about healthy balance. They allow them at school - it isn’t as simple as screen bad, it is how they use screens that matters. If the kid is going online to play chess or Bogle or a maths game in after school club, that is good. The same applies at home. If they are self teaching Italian on DuoLingo age 15 that is good. If they are chatting to their friends via text message at the same age that is also good if they are being kind and helping and learning from each other. We all know what is bad- meeting strangers online, staying up too late on social media, overfocussing on the online world as being more important than reality, posting dodgy TikTok’s at 14 in a bikini.

It is all about a healthy balance, too many restrictions does not work either. It is a massive challenge to modern day parents but it is essential to regulate it in a balanced way. What is balanced will depend on the child and their needs and interests and the parents too. So our job is to teach them how to use the screens in a good way, right from age 3/4 I would say. I think the WHO has some guidelines that are quite reasonable.

Youngest 8 and eldest is 15. We battle this regularly, has only become a big thing in the last few years, we were lucky when they were younger- they didn’t want screens and in the doctors or at tables would play noughts and crosses or with Lego and so on but in the last few years they are just HOOKED. And it’s not like some people say that they’re learning from screens, yes they have skills from gaming but now they’re more about watching idiots do idiotic things and we are literally spending our whole time diverting attention, starting football games or board games or going out for walks etc. we have banned screens at times, which I never wanted to do, but 15yo had black circles and a sore neck from looking at his phone. We can easily get 8 and 10 yo baking reading drawing etc but the older two it’s so hard! Let’s just say there’s a lot of bribery and random games nights/movie nights with junk food😅

My kids are 9, 13 and 16. We have no restrictions on screen time. We have an Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo Switch, Occulus and PC, they have iPads and the older two have smart phones and chrome books for school.
I think that they have to learn to self-regulate and that comes from talking a lot about healthy use of screens and taking breaks, they also do a lot of clubs, hobbies and sports.
In my experience this has stopped any battles over screen time and the constant longing, whinging and negotiating. The kids are happy and seem to have a good balance in how they spend their time. The 13 year old knows how to code and can write programmes for Roblox, he’s learning how to use Unity and design programmes for VR.

We have a 1 year old and 4 year old.

Neither of them have a tablet or use our phones but we do allow TV on in the dining room during mealtimes. Although he usually asks for it at home, 4 year old is fine having dinner elsewhere without a tv if we're elsewhere as he knows it's fixed at home and we can't take it with us!

Car journeys have been okay so far without a tablet. He occasionally complains that he's bored and it does mean we have to spend a lot of time chatting to him about really mundane things around us, or playing very repetitive games of I spy. It does take a lot of effort to keep them occupied without the distraction of a device but we're hoping in the longer term it'll be worth it.

Having said that, I'm sure we'll introduce tablets/phones at some stage but we'll figure out what works for us as we go along.

I can only tell you what we’ve done.

• When little, as little as screens as possible for as long as possible.

We didn’t have an Xbox etc… until dc1 was about 9~10yo (at which point it started to become a problem socially)

• screens were heavily monitored etc…
• plenty of activity outside. We ensured that they developed a taste for physical activity, reading books etc… but all things they truly enjoyed.
• They saw us doing many things that weren’t screen based but rather around being outside.
• Doing things together at the weekend not based on screen/TV - for us it was outdoor stuff but it could be anything really, incl board games, museums etc ….

As teens, as they started to have their own phones + iPad (a school requirement….), they started to spend more time on screens but have kept their physical activity. So I’d say that, as young adults, they are not addicted. Still spend quite a bit of time on screens (too much imo but then so do I!!).

Your children will do what you do. So if you are on your phone then they will be.

model the behaviour that you want to see

Don’t give them to them. We don’t download games on our phones, we don’t own iPads/tablets, and our only tv has a password on it. I let them watch videos when they’re sick or we’re having weather too inclement for outdoor play and they’re getting touchy after a day of playing inside together, but otherwise they don’t think to ask for it because it’s not a part of their daily life.

Totally agree. Same with us. Teen social life revolves around it. So tricky to navigate.