Why can't I just say to my 8 year old ...

[Thehuntess]

To put her shoes on and for her to fucking do it.
Instead I go to the toilet and come back to her pissing about jumping up and down on the bed .
Same every. Single. Day.
Ask her to brush her teeth. I have to stand over her " and now the tooth paste. No stop splashing the water in the sink. And now we brush..no not chewing the brush brushing"
" Can we put our pants on. No not flinging your dirty pair around "
Every . Single. Day.
She can't seem to do one single thing I ask without being asked 10000 times and me getting annoyed.
This morning I totally lost it after I said we need to leave in 10 minutes so shoes on please whilst I make my coffee to go

Come back in the room and she's again throwing a book up and down in the air. I had to get to work ffs and ten minutes is more than enough time for putting shoes on

These are just some examples but you get the idea

In the car I decided to talk to her about why I got annoyed calmly and she's said " but I did what you asked and put my shoes on"
So I explained but she didn't listen when I asked and started to mess about and had to be asked again and she just repeated" yeah see I listened "
I'm not even sure she really understands me or is she just deliberately trying to annoy me

What are the consequences if she won't listen?

Personally i would just tell her to fucking put her shoes on. I mean I HAVE done that 💯 percent. My daughter knows not to take the piss now at age 11. Personally I’m happy with my parenting because I tried the whole soft touch approach and it was a FUCKING nightmare. I embraced my inner council estate roots and solved my problem 🤣🤣. Was very effective.

In my experience, the answer is because she can't do it yet.

I have a similar DC, a bit older. I consider it my job to give him the tools needed until his executive function matures enough to hold things in his head for more than 2 seconds. These tools might be Alexa reminders, a ticklist of things to do to leave the house etc.

Have you considered she may be ND?

Either way it just sounds like she needs supper still to manage these tasks.

This morning I just shouted and said " for goodness sake what are you doing. I've told you to put your shoes on and hear you are messing about. Put them on now "
It's the culmination of it . It's every single time she is asked to do something she can never just get on with it

I asked her to eat sensibly this morning and there she is immediately after wiping her spoon on her legs and picking up rice Krispies one by one and trying to throw and " aim them into my mouth "
Then she knocked her fucking bowl over being silly .
I've just hit a wall with it all

Shouting at her doesn't work though. I've shouted before and she'll still mess about the next time I ask her to do something

My friends had one like this. They researched diet and cut out additives ( dc was getting a lot indrinks) and I think even fruit juice as well as other high sugar food. It really helped.

My almost 8 year old DD is so similar. Ask her to do a job and she gets so distracted so easily and is randomly doing something else. I find it helps to give her one instruction at a time to keep her on task but I feel your pain op! 8 year olds can be exhausting!

No she isn't Nd

She's only like this when she's asked to do something
She's 8 and just gets distracted by everything

Dont ask, tell

Give a time limit,

We are leaving in 2 mins. Put your shoes on right now so we can leave in time. Then set a live audible timer…….. Alexa ask T minus to countdown to 2 mins

https://www.amazon.com/Pavel-Jamal-T-Minus-Countdown/dp/B07JHLR5TW

@Thehuntess

Mine was just the same tbh at your age until I hit a wall, thought no fucking way and came down very, very hard on her. It did include shouting, no second chances and lots of followed through consequences. I was very consistent too. After a couple of months she was a different child and actually far, far happier. Even she knew I wasn’t going to take her shit anymore. It is a lack of respect.

Messes around with breakfast, ok, she goes out hungry.

doesn’t put her socks and shoes on, ok, she goes out without them and you put them in a carrier maybe if you’re feeling kind.

rinse and repeat, natural consequences.

Before that point the benefit of the doubt was always given etc but then I had just simply had enough of her relentless low level disruption that grinds you down.

It's my reaction that needs to change to it

I just got so annoyed this morning after wrestling a two year old so we can leave at 8am to drop them at my mums so I can work and just wanted her to do one thing without me having to stand over her and repeatedly ask

Exactly the same here with my DS8...to the point where he'll even say "I know I was meaning to do that but I got distracted"...so he knows precisely what he should be doing and what doesn't need to be done in the middle of/instead of it!

That is at least an improvement, so hopefully one day he'll get it sorted, I think maybe it's just being 8?

She needs to change. Not you.

or Imposed consequences …. If you don’t do x, then you’ll not get y, and make it meaningful and follow through

@lululongdog

My son is 8 and isn’t annoying. He’s very well behaved. My daughter was just like OPs though at 8 until I hit the wall with it. It’s relentless low level disruption/non listening and a lack of respect. Easier to sort at 8 than at 13.

With mine she just said " but I did what you asked "
Yeah after me fucking shouting and asking 3 times .

Mine wouldn’t get dressed regularly!! In the end I embarrassed them by tricking them into the car in their nightwear, then going about our day. They got dressed promptly after that!

Does she ever face the consequences of mucking about ? She won't care about you being late but I mean has she personally faced consequences as a result ?

I think @Theborder 's approach is what would work.
Consequences, consequences, and escalating ones until they work.

I would talk to her outside of the moment and say look, these things need to be done in the morning, breakfast, teeth, get dressed. I got angry this morning as I need you to be ready and we have plenty of time for us to be ready. What would help you? (My dc got dressed downstairs after breakfast at one stage) Then put those things in place. After that, I'd be going about my own things and saying 'How are you doing?' every now and then and 'leaving now'and out to the car. This works with mine if they're playing up ie I am unmoved and still expect them to come. It might mean she has to rush out in socks one morning and stick shoes on in car but it might sort it over a few days. I have an 8yo too but he's the polar opposite, my older dc was more like yours.
Should add: if she actually needs more time or needs help getting ready, my take isn't relevant or helpful. See what she says also.

I don't know what is a fair consequence is half the issue

What would you do if it was your child ?
I've tried timers before and she will claim I never told her she had a time limit after
I've made her leave in her PJ's before and without shoes on