Why can't I just say to my 8 year old ...

[Thehuntess]

To put her shoes on and for her to fucking do it.
Instead I go to the toilet and come back to her pissing about jumping up and down on the bed .
Same every. Single. Day.
Ask her to brush her teeth. I have to stand over her " and now the tooth paste. No stop splashing the water in the sink. And now we brush..no not chewing the brush brushing"
" Can we put our pants on. No not flinging your dirty pair around "
Every . Single. Day.
She can't seem to do one single thing I ask without being asked 10000 times and me getting annoyed.
This morning I totally lost it after I said we need to leave in 10 minutes so shoes on please whilst I make my coffee to go

Come back in the room and she's again throwing a book up and down in the air. I had to get to work ffs and ten minutes is more than enough time for putting shoes on

My 7 year old step daughter is exactly what you have describe. We have it every single day with every single simple task and it's exhausting.

OP, I reckon you are employing consequences that don't matter to her - she doesn't lose much if she doesn't eat her cereal promptly in the 1.5 hours given, there's little incentive for her to speed up if she is used to grazing- and if she is grazing she probably doesn't feel very hungry. Ditto story time and play time - possibly not that big a deal for her.

You need to find something that really matters to her.

I also agree with the telling not asking. If you are really wanting to get her to do something, you can say "I want you to put your shoes on now" - in a kind voice, but firm and very direct.
bly not at 8, though!

Same here with DC7. I think they grow out of it but it’s so boring!

I also think you are feeding the beast by giving her multiple, repeated instructions. All she is learning is that the first time you say something you don't really mean it, and also that your requests/ instructions can be disregarded until the third of fourth time when you lose your shit. She's done the maths in her head and already worked out that she doesn't need to respond quite yet.....

I reckon you can ask her to do something just once, make sure she has heard you and get her to repeat it back to you, if necessary. And then, if she doesn't do it, immediate consequence, whether that's going out of the house in PJs and slippers, no breakfast, missing her activity, whatever.

She sounds exactly like my son. I have a jar that I put a sweet in when he does something straight away or well. I don’t do it every time. If he absolutely takes the piss one gets taken out. He gets to eat the sweets every Saturday. I use special sweets that he doesn’t get on other occasions. It improves things for my DS it’s doesn’t solve his listening issues entirely but it makes a difference.

Mine is almost 8 and the same. I admit she has recently been diagnosed as ASD but as part of the parenting course we did we were given techniques to deal with this. Even if you think she is definitely NT it might be worth trying some of the visual schedules that they recommend for ND children. Doesn't have to be pictures. My DD works best with a checklist. It details the morning routine for the day and it reminds her what she is doing next. I've also found having less time to get her out is better than more. If she needs to get up follow the checklist, and immediately walk out the door ready to go that's somehow easier than having time to faff.

I do a couple of things to get my kids to do what I need them to do.
Timers: I set timers for EVERYTHING that's non negotiable. Have to have enough time to be breakfasted then dressed then teeth then shoes on?
Set a timer for breakfast. The length of the timer depends on how late they got out of bed- they need to finish breakfast by 7:45 on a school day. So if they have 4 minutes to eat their cereal, they have 4 minutes and I tell them as I set it 'Today, you got out of bed late, please eat fast, you have 4 minutes for breakfast'/ (If they are running later I tend to add an extra 2 minutes for the 'but I am only halfway through/ I'm still hungry/ can I have one more mouthful'). This works because the timer on the oven is not a person that can be argued with, and because the natural consequence of not getting up when I call them the first (or second, or third) time is that they have less breakfast time.

The second thing I do is, not tell a child off for complying but slowly, eg 'Hurry up' 'Come on' etc when they are already doing the thing I have asked.

And thirdly, helping them to do the thing I need them to do: 'It is shoe time. Here are your shoes. I am going to help you because otherwise we are late. Foot.' They might want to be independent but if they are faffing and we can't wait, the natural consequence is I will do the thing for them, and quickly.

I’ve an 8 yr old who does the exact same but also likes to throw in winding everyone else in the house up. Eldest is 10, youngest is 3 and by the time we get to school I’m losing the plot. Could sit for half hour not eating his breakfast, annoying the youngest who then won’t eat his either. Can’t find his shoes, bag, coat anything but too busy taking toys off the others or kicking a ball. I’ve punished him by grounding him that evening, his dad has a good chat with him etc but then he’s back at it again. When he wants to he can be so good and do all of these things so I know he can do it but I really think he just enjoys causing havoc!