You're not the only one! I've found the transition really, really difficult. I was a teacher in middle management before I had my first child at 32. Like you, I'd travelled, was lucky enough to be well educated,able to persue my hobbies and be finacially independent. After the birth of DD,I decided I didn't want to deal with the workload and stress of full-time teaching as well as a baby. Going part-time was not an option according to my headteacher as my post was a full-time one so I had to give up work. I've gone on to have two further children since then and am now a stay at home mother of 3 (DD4, DS 2 and baby DD 11 months).I still don't think I've adjusted to this 50's lifestyle after 4 years of solid, unrelenting childcare to being at home all the time with no restpite. I absolutely adore my children and having a larger family is wonderful but I must admit to often resenting having had to sacrifice my entire former lifestyle. I would like to work part-time but there are so few openings and childcare is far to expensive in London for us to consider it. I'm worn out at the moment anyway with sleeples nights and the demands of parenthood to very young children and have a torn abdomen as well as a a hernia from my last ( and final!) pregnancy. I an hoping to work some shifts at my local supermarket soon now that my baby is nearly a year old but it will be evening work and I'm not sure if I could cope with it as I'm always totally knackered by 8 o'clock! But I do want to do something outside of the home, even if I'm tired, just to get out into the real world.
I was lucky enough to not suffer from post -natal depression but have to fight my resentment at being so comletely tied to the house and children while my husband retains his career and will admit to this. I have to say that I feel let down by feminism and that just because I've had 3 children, it means I have lost my career, probably for good as I can never go back to that middle management position now that I've been out of the education system for almost 5 years. When I became a mother, the new lifestyle hit me like a car crash and only my wonderful husband kept me going though that transition. I've never been depressed as such, just increaasingly angry that the glass ceiling is not so much within the work-place in the uk but at home where most mothers I know are still doing the majority of the chores and childcare without getting anything of their former lives back. Their husbands are still going out, working and sociallising while we stay Cinderella's tied to the kitchen sink. I've met SO many women in this position over the last few years and personally don't see many women retaining their careers, working full-time with children in tow. It has really opened my eyes to my misguided belief in my twenties that women had mostly achieved equality in this country. I was brought up to have a career, travel and use my education to good effect. This i did , unitl I had a baby and now that is left behind. One of the big issues for me is that childcare is not properly subsidised and not always of very high quality and if you have a 3rd child, you have to pay full childcare fees. I just wish my mother had taught me more about the role of a mother, its responsibilities, the pros and cons, etc. I think I would find it easier if she was there more for me and my sister who also had 3 children.
Yes, I accept that I've had children and have accordingly given all to them at the moment but I've found it just too much sacrifice at times. Losing my finacial independence to rely on my husband I've found difficult too. I've gone from being a respected teacher to 'just a mum'. The one thing that is good about full -time motherhood is that you are your own boss - only the children to make demands! I've learned to see all the positives about my situation but depise the lack of appreciation in modern society which women receive for bringing up children at home, trying to cope on one salary like us. If I had my time again, I would have stuck with the one child and gone back to work full-time in another capacity when she was 3 ish. My husband and I have had one weekend off together in all this time as my relatives can't and sometimes won't help much and live too far away. This year, I'm off on holiday to Bruges with my mum for 4 days in September while hubby and in-laws have the kids- HURRAH Hurrah!! My first holiday in about 6 or 7 years. I can't wait!
As I think it unlikely that I'll go back to work in he near future, I've decided to become a' yummy mummy and totally embrace the role of full time mum on a grand scale- bake, preserve, make play dough, plant flowes, do things for my chruch and charity,have lots of fun with my kids and try to be the best person and teacher I can be for their sake. Wine is always a good standby though for those days when if you see one more children's programme or storybook you'll throw yorself out of the window! Good luck with your two children, you're not alone in your feelings.