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Original poster

Should we pay?!

376 replies

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 19:54

Ok...so need some advice plz...I was watching my sisters two boys...age 10..and 7...i have a lively 3 yr old and while they were eating at the table my 3 yr old knocked the 7yr olds glasses onto the tiled floor breaking the frame under one of the lens...the cost to repair them is £75 and my partner is steadfast against paying for them while i think we should...my sister i think is expecting us to pay for them...what would you do??...my partner believes that because i was doing her a favour looking after her boys that should warrant not paying...also that our boy is only 3 and didnt know better...he thinks my sister is out of order expecting us to pay!! What do you all think? Thanks

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ZoChan · 25/07/2023 22:12

arethereanyleftatall · 25/07/2023 22:10

I wish you'd included that they were designer glasses, your sister is well off, that your son ripped them off his face, and that she dumps her kids on you for childcare all the time in your op, op.

I think it then would have been a unanimous pay for the glasses then tell her to fuck off with the childcare.

This

arethereanyleftatall · 25/07/2023 22:12

Lots of people saying the childcare is a separate issue and I really disagree. If the sister hadn't dumped her kids with the op for free childcare, then the accident wouldn't have happened - so it's totally related.

Auntieofdragons · 25/07/2023 22:14

I’d pay if she expects you to but stop the free childcare. Just say that you can’t afford to be paying £75 on a regular basis

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firestarter2023 · 25/07/2023 22:15

arethereanyleftatall · 25/07/2023 22:10

I wish you'd included that they were designer glasses, your sister is well off, that your son ripped them off his face, and that she dumps her kids on you for childcare all the time in your op, op.

I think it then would have been a unanimous pay for the glasses then tell her to fuck off with the childcare.

Ha. Yeah this basically. I'm sure most will agree. Give her the money and then ban the children from being in your home without her or their father. End of.

MisplacedAndDiscovered · 25/07/2023 22:17

This is your opportunity to put boundaries in place.

I would pay the money and state you will not be available for childcare or babysitting anymore. Do not drop the children off.

If you want to enter some sort of reciprocal arrangement with your sister, I suggest you leave it a few weeks and then have a proper sit down chat. You need to outline what you think is fair and agree notice. I love my nieces and nephews. I would not tolerate them being dropped off without notice. I would take them home or to where my sibling was. My sisters would not do this though.

Canisaysomething · 25/07/2023 22:20

I would offer to pay and use it as a line in the sand to say no more free child care. She is being a massive CF. "Here's the £75 and this incident has shown me I can't watch my child properly with yours around too so I can't offer to have them anymore sorry". And don't budget on it. If she keeps asking say the ages of the children aren't a good mix and you can't afford to be out of pocket if your child breaks her children's stuff on your watch.

Newmum110 · 25/07/2023 22:21

I think you should pay, it wasn't an accident as such your 3yo did it on purpose.
I think the minding is a separate issue which needs to be dealt with.

NewName122 · 25/07/2023 22:22

They will fix the frames / swap them for free on nhs. My sons had glasses since age 2 and is a teen now and has broken loads including the main frame and arms. All were fixed or replaced free of charge.

saraclara · 25/07/2023 22:23

"Here's the £75 and this incident has shown me I can't watch my child properly with yours around too so I can't offer to have them anymore sorry"

Yep. She's given you the perfect reason to stop being taken for a mug re the childcare. So use it. Maybe that will also pacify your DH.

NewName122 · 25/07/2023 22:24

Oh just seen they are designer ones so she's paid more for them. I'm tight and never did that I knew they'd get broken loads as my son has asd/adhd. How annoying op. You should probably pay. Ask for the receipt or go in with her to the shop.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 25/07/2023 22:24

Yes you should pay as your son grabbed them off their child's face and reason they broke, I would offer straight away without question and not worth falling out with your sister over what your child did.

1037370E · 25/07/2023 22:25

Don't let your partner dictate your relationship with your sister. I think you should pay.

Milk2SugarsAndAShotOfYourFinestValium · 25/07/2023 22:27

Agree with PP. Pay for the glasses but then say “I’m afraid this will be the end of free childcare”.

WasJuliaRight · 25/07/2023 22:28

If her child broke your DPs glasses would he expect your sister to replace them?

Tinkerbyebye · 25/07/2023 22:29

I would pay but I also wouldn’t look after the kids again

caringcarer · 25/07/2023 22:29

Your child broke them so you should offer to pay for repair.

Tiswa · 25/07/2023 22:30

She is telling you how she wants the relationship - start charging her for childcare and the food costs etc involved

caringcarer · 25/07/2023 22:30

Mumlife80 · 25/07/2023 20:29

He grabbed them off the 7yr olds face and threw them on the the tiled floor thinking it was funny...

Defimation you should pay. Your child was out of order. Does your DH know your child did this completely unprovoked by your nephew?

TomatoSandwiches · 25/07/2023 22:30

1037370E · 25/07/2023 22:25

Don't let your partner dictate your relationship with your sister. I think you should pay.

Maybe he is sick of the extra noise of two more children always around.
Can't blame him tbh, his SIL seems to take advantage of his wife by the sounds of it.

UndercoverCop · 25/07/2023 22:33

Your son broke them deliberately, while you were supervising all of the children, yes of course you pay

Wanttobefree2 · 25/07/2023 22:42

Maybe you start charging her for child minding, only fair. If your kid is 3 then it’s still an accident and even worse if she’s well off that she’s asking for money.

Soothingaftersun · 25/07/2023 22:44

I wouldn't pay. Sister chooses to leave her child at your home therefore you can't be held responsible for any damage. At least this is how I look at it.

It seems like you need her to sign a disclaimer before looking after him again 😬

1037370E · 25/07/2023 22:46

TomatoSandwiches · 25/07/2023 22:30

Maybe he is sick of the extra noise of two more children always around.
Can't blame him tbh, his SIL seems to take advantage of his wife by the sounds of it.

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Maybe, but it's up to OP to grow a pair and say no to her sister, not for her partner to decide that the sister is not welcome in their home. I'm not sure how she can end up constantly babysitting against her will - that feels like a convenient drip feed tbh.

Dontcareforthehaters · 25/07/2023 22:46

I'd offer to pay but I'd also speak to your sister and say something like "since DS is only 3, we are teaching him that things break, but whilst we are going through this phase with him, I'm not sure that I can continue to babysit your children because I can't afford to pay if he breaks other stuff. Obviously I am doing everything that I can to prevent DS from breaking things but the risk is still there"

buggo · 25/07/2023 22:49

I think the responses would be much more consistent if not for the drip feeding. I've found my opinion flip flopping with each of your updates!

I agree that you should pay and use it as a reason you can no longer babysit.

I'm somewhat curious about the relationship you have with your sister. Would you describe it as close?

She somehow feels so sure of you that she randomly drops her kids off without notice for you to look after. And then feels happy essentially asking you to pay to replace designer glasses.

Yet you aren't able to openly tell her no when she turns up? Or call her out for being so cheeky? It feels very imbalanced.

What would she do if you turned up at hers without notice to drop your kids off? Does that happen?