Do you Judge a person by the size of their house?

[Jazzhands7]

My kids friend got picked up by her friend’s Mum after coming over after school. She’d never been to our house before but we’d had pleasant conversations on the phone and at school.

However, when she picked her daughter up she looked absolutely disgusted at the size of our house. That’s the only thing I can think of? I keep my house insanely clean and well kept.

Our yard is a bit messy but that’s because it’s going to be levelled soon and new landscaping put in.

If you are a person that judges someone on the size of their house what is going through your head because I genuinely don’t understand it?

Needless to say I think my child has lost a friend because of it which I find really sad.

Surely that assumes that it's the physical books that are somehow important rather than the content and whether someone has read them

Which would you judge more highly - someone with 500 unread books that you can see on shelves in their hallway or someone who has read 5000 booka from the library?

Hmm. Similar I know people with stackable of books they've read once and just kept for decoration really.

We are avid library and kindle users. Genuinely all read a lot and have some bookcases upstairs . But not downstiars particulalry. I think I judge those who performance book ...

No I don’t but if it smells I would. Do you have a dog?

@floodywell

None of my 'reader' friends have their books downstairs anymore. This includes book editors and writers.

I don't think this is a social barrier for any of us, we read books rather than display them. I think this comes across very clearly in conversation.

Ours is a compact house (better than a small house, don't you think?), but people in posh houses are envious of our tiny energy bills.

Sounds odd but if she genuinely had a disgusted look on her face maybe something was triggering an instinctive repulsion. For example some people are highly sensitive to the smell of artificial air fresheners particularly plug ins. Or can’t bear the smell of cleaning fluids like Zoflora or highly scented flowers - personally the smell of geraniums has always made me feel nauseous from I was a child and some people react the same way to lilies. Or if you have pets, she may have struggled with their dander?

Gosh who knew people judge books so much? How bizarre. Mine are my bookshelf in my living room, because that's where its conveneit for me to grab one to read, as well as a couple on my bedside table and even a few on the bedroom window ledge, currently!! Where they can be seen from OUTside!! 😂 it never occurred to me that people think book placement can be show-offy. I wonder if my neighbours or passers-by think I am trying to be all like "look at me! I read BOOKS!" 😆😆😆

The kids' books are in their rooms on their own bookshelf. I wonder if people think my kids don't read? So strange.

Bizarre how many people see owning books as "performative". I have always been bookish - in the same way that other people might be interested in sport or knitting or gardening or whatever. I wouldn't say that someone whose house was full of little trays of seeds was a performative gardener.

I love the feel and smell and look of books. I like holding them. I like finding rare editions of books in the way that other people might like finding a rare Pokemon card or something. I like everything about books. I don't 'display' them - they're just there, in every room of the house, just as rugs and chairs are.

It's true, though, that if someone isn't bothered about the smell and feel of books, they could be reading just as much as I am, but on a Kindle.

@floodywell

Owning and read books is not performative. Displaying books in areas of your house PURELY so people know that you own them is performative.

Katrinawaves
I struggle in houses that are very scented. It doesn't matter whether it's cleaning products, wax melts or candles. Anything strongly scented doesn't make me feel good.

It seems more likely that it's something like that than judging the size of someone's house.

Well, yes, that would obviously be performative. But people upthread are suggesting that anyone who has books anywhere other than locked in a cellar is being performative. Which is obviously not the case.

Op hasn't specified the size of her house - so I assume there's going to be some tedious reveal that it's a mansion. Yawn.

I've missed those posts, the question is why a lack of visible books might indicate that someone doesn't read while the presence of them seems to feted even though there's no indication that they've been read

I think judging people on needing to display books to others is "performative" some people display books, some have books hidden away or offsite in storage, some have no interest in books, some read ereaders, some only read library books and some even don't judge others by books

You obviously have a hang up about the size of your house, op, because it’s extremely weird to assume someone was “disgusted” at it’s size when they actually said nothing to indicate this.
If she genuinely looked pained it could be your house smells (maybe of pets?)
I’d imagine she wasn’t actually looking “disgusted” at all, though.
Most people with any manners at all wouldn’t be so obvious about it, whatever they thought.

Have you always been able to read minds or is this a new skill?

You have no idea what she was thinking based on your perception of her facial expression. It sounds more like your own insecurities.

Leaping to it being friendship-ending seems an overreaction.

"I've missed those posts" you should have read them more closely haha!!

OP, any person who would judge you for this is not worth knowing.

My daughter is an avid reader, she’s read over 60 this year alone, she lives in a rented flat with no books on display. As is my best friend, who reads about 3 a week. who lives in a small park home, no books out, no space. My other closest friend has a shit load out in book shelves. She seldom reads.

reading for any of them is not about the “smell and feel of a book” but the actual reading of them, the content.

im a periodic reader, sometimes avid. Sometimes I go a while and don’t read anything. My books are not on display. I use a kindle, my husband likes to buy actual books. Generally historical ones. For neither of us is it about the look and feel of a book, it’s about its content. The content is what I either love, hate or am ambivalent about. Not the look and smell of the actual book that is so dear to me I need to have a load of them on display.

making assumptions about whether someone reads or not by whether you can see books in their home, and posting it on here is an attempt at superiority, which comes across as puerile and non sensical to the majority. As generally unless you do a job where you need to go to peoples homes, then when you visit you know the person well enough to know if they read.

most people value kindness, empathy, intelligence, fun, conversational skills etc. not whether you chose to display books or not. As that is literally all you can tell from someone’s house.

Look at it this way, yes sad that your child has lost a friend but also you don't have to hang with that mum friend!

My friend has hundreds of those penguin classics editions on shelves in her 'library' - all display only as she reads one thriller a year on holiday.

Incidentally she is also the only person I have ever judged for the state of something when she gave me a lift once - her car was genuinely disgusting and smelt awful, so bad that I clearly couldn't keep the look off my face.

So, yes I judge, but I'd never judge on size of someone's house/ flat.

I know someone who does. Licks the arses of people with big houses. Sneers at those who don’t have one. Any time anyone moves she goes to have a look in order to judge. Pathetic

Generally people who are judgemental like that keep it very tightly to themselves and would never give a hint of their condescension. So Id say you misinterpreted in some way.

And it tends to trend towards the opposite on Mn. There’s a type of self-righteousness about books ‘on display’ being show-offy, and the smug implication that it’s best to not display any evidence of your reading, which should ideally be conducted privately and out of view of visitors, and leaving no visible evidence. Like your sex life.

Which is a bit weird, or more than a bit. I mean, obviously a house where there’s no evidence that any member of the household ever reads could, absolutely, be a house inhabited by avid readers who only read library books which they take out one at a time, people who hide their books upstairs, or Kindle-only readers who aren’t worried about the fact that they don’t own their Kindle titles or about the tech becoming obsolete, or neat freaks who can’t cope with a book on a table or chair, but it’s far more likely that they don’t read. Which is not a value judgement, but does mean they’re not going to be friends of mine.

I've never heard anyone judge the size of someone's house.

People typically judge the street, period, quality of kitchen/ bathroom/ furniture, decor, and cleanliness.

The nicest house on my street is the smallest one. It's a beautiful 2 bed period property that is worth more than my practical 1960's 4 bed.