Do you Judge a person by the size of their house?

[Jazzhands7]

My kids friend got picked up by her friend’s Mum after coming over after school. She’d never been to our house before but we’d had pleasant conversations on the phone and at school.

However, when she picked her daughter up she looked absolutely disgusted at the size of our house. That’s the only thing I can think of? I keep my house insanely clean and well kept.

Our yard is a bit messy but that’s because it’s going to be levelled soon and new landscaping put in.

If you are a person that judges someone on the size of their house what is going through your head because I genuinely don’t understand it?

Needless to say I think my child has lost a friend because of it which I find really sad.

People judge others for all sorts of reasons. I'm sure house size is one of them. We're probably all more shallow and judgemental than we'd like to admit. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This

I think its quite unusual to judge someone by the size of their house. People can be funny about areas, decor and tidiness (either too tidy or not tidy enough)

I also find this form of judgement hilarious, I have in the past, occasionally sensed performative placement of books.

I clear books every now and then, and lately, I'm bought a lot of titles on audible.

It's so insecure. If a person can hold a conversation with you and you enjoy participating in that conversation, do you trust that, or do you need the validation of knowing that they have read books ? ie, was I WRONG to like this person and enjoy their company? Ah, no, phew, they have read books so I was right to like them, phew.

Now, @mildlydispeptic, you know perfectly that posts like yours spark off a positive orgy of self-righteousness on here, from the ‘books are clutter, and no one needs them now we have Kindles’ brigade, with a subcategory that thinks having physical books ‘on display’ on open shelves in a room visitors will see is ‘showing off’, and that non-show-offs keep books in hidden cupboards, or upstairs, or in a plastic storage box under the bed.

OP, this sounds like you doing a lot of mind-reading. Having said that, I’ve certainly had people I barely knew terribly invested in the size of different flats/houses I’ve lived in. Two different sets of people assumed my London flat must be a duplex and asked about ‘upstairs’ (even though that made no sense because you’d have had to exit through the obvious ‘front door’ of my flat into a communal hallway to reach the stairs, also communal and leading to two other flats on the floors above) because they couldn’t believe it was that small.

An angry parent of a child in my DS’s class at a new school once asked me bluntly, in the playground, how many bedrooms our new house had and was incredulous and resentful at the answer. However, she’s a notorious loon…

Of all the things she could have been disgusted with, I think the SIZE of your house is the least likely op.

Weren't performative bookshelves a thing over lockdown?

It maybe she has a really stressful day and you are projecting on to her

It is impossible for us to tell over the internet.

we have a lot of very rich children in our area and school (think staff, huge houses /flats). We live in a very run-down flat. There is a group of “aspirational mums”, a bit like the mean girls when I was little , who try to socially engineer relationships with other aspirational families. Most, including the wealthiest, couldn’t care less and only want their children to play with decent, polite children that they have a good friendship with.

I will try to prevent some friendships but only if I hear/hear about bad language, bully-tendency or inappropriate internet habits (I wish this didn’t happen but…porn…boy aged 11). .

You’re being over sensitive, let it go, size of the house has nothing to do with personality, there are bitches in small houses as well as large houses.

Most people live in flats where I live, so a house of any description is unusual.

Exactly, we've both been using kindles for well over a decade now. We've just put in a home office with lovely bookcases and got our books out of the attic where they'd been stored for the build - they're all very old! Very very few bought in recent years - mainly just DH buying hardbacks to complete series.

Hm. In the nicest possible way, OP, might you have a small chip on your shoulder about the size of your house?
I know you don't say whether your home is a small or large dwelling, and I can see how both might elicit a reaction in a first-time visitor.
In my case, ours is the former; we live in a tiny ex-council semi on a former 'sink-estate' (absolutely love it here!). DC's school friends are all from the neighbouring area which is one of the most affluent in our part of the country, with most houses in the 1m+ bracket. DC's friends' mums are often quite gushing about my house when they drop off or collect their DC, and I put it down to them being nice people who recognise the discrepancy, really like my DC, and wouldn't want us to feel like the odd ones out. A sort of reverse judgement I suppose. We've all known each other for years now, and have all spent time at each other's houses for kids' parties etc, so it makes me smile a bit that such care is still taken to be nice about my house.
I don't suppose you know how the size of your DD's friend's house compares to the size of yours?
Try not to take it to heart, OP.

Oh and I live in a big house in an area with a lot of Very Very Big Very Stylish houses. The only judgment I do is drooling over the nice ones.

I'll get kicked for agreeing with you, but I agree with you.

I'm from the, "I'm here to see you, not your house" school of thought but if you're super clean and tidy I'd be thinking, "you're not coming into my little crack den looking home, no chance, you'll ghost me!" 😂

The "insanely clean" part makes me also think of Mrs Hinch
Did you go for the all-grey "hun" look? Because some people really really hate that. There's whole Facebook groups dedicated to its hate y'know.

I'm not a fan of it myself but I have better manners than to look around someone's home with an obviously disgusted look on my face when they had been kind enough to invite me in, so whatever her problem, it's very much HER problem.

Disgust doesn't really seem like a reaction to a size of house.

You say you keep your house 'insanely clean'. That is possibly unusual.

Do you by any chance have those plug in air fresheners, or use anything else to give a fragrance to your house?

If you are a person that judges someone on the size of their house what is going through your head because I genuinely don’t understand it?

Surely anyone who does this is dim! Location matters more than size.

Do you sneer at people who read on a kindle instead then?
disclaimer - I have physical books on 5 bookshelves as well.

You seem to be making some fairly massive assumptions - including the one that your children can’t be friends anymore 🤔 Where on earth do you get that from?

I assume they are doing both, though — that it’s essentially a way of guesstimating likely income, inheritance, social class etc.?

I assume they are doing both, though — that it’s essentially a way of guesstimating likely income, inheritance, social class etc.?

But do people really guesstimate people's income? I don't and never have. I often wonder why so many mumsnetters mux with such unpleasant people.

Mix, not mux.

In every part of life you come across people that are shallow as a puddle.
Just note it and move on. Carry on inviting the child as you would any friend.
It may just be that she has an unfortunate manner.