Is having 2 kids close together a nightmare?

[Zoe1023]

Hi all. I currently have a 6 month old baby, my husband is keen to have 2 close together as he reckons it will be better in the long run and easier to get it out for the way (not for me, I don’t think!).
I’m thinking of getting pregnant again when my baby is 1, but am terrified having 2 close together will be too difficult. Despite the sleep deprivation I’m loving being a mum and have felt it isn’t as ‘bad’ as everyone told me it would be.

However I hated being pregnant and felt miserable throughout. I don’t think I can face another pregnancy (I had terrible nausea and sickness up to 20 weeks last time) with a toddler too, the mum guilt is already there as it is. I’m worrying about leaving her to go back to work which I’m trying to work on.

My sister and I are 18 months apart so I know how lovely it is from their perspective, but I’m selfishly thinking of myself. I think deep down I’d rather wait a couple more years but then sometimes think I should just get it all out of the way? My husband is hands on but I feel very consciously that as mum the burden is always on you.

Sorry for rambling.. really I’m just looking for honest accounts from a mum’s perspective of what it’s like to have a two year age gap/if you waited and what that was like too. Thanks x

I think it depends on your age and energy levels. I have a 20 month old and a 2 week old and currently feel as though I could die from lack of sleep. I can't leave baby and toddler in the same room together as toddler climbs in the Moses basket and the guilt of being stuck in the house due to c section recovery and being unable to drive is the worst!

Ask me again in 6months and you may get a different answer.

You need to give your body a chance to properly recover first.

I’m pregnant now, my DS is 2. There will be a 2 year, 9 month age gap between them.

Honestly I wouldn’t have been able handle the idea of getting pregnant much sooner than that. The first winter DS was at nursery he was just ill constantly and so were we, it was exhausting.

Life has got a little easier as he approached 2 so we decided to go for it. But even so, the pregnancy nausea and exhaustion has been difficult. I’m only 11 weeks so no idea how it will be when I’m heavily pregnant.

The other thing I would say is that my DS still wanted lifting and picking up a lot, until he was 2, I wouldn’t have wanted to be heavily pregnant when he was younger.

I would say just see how you go, it’s still really early days for you if your baby is only 6 months. If you’re going back to work I think the real test of shared parenting responsibilities will come then. And your DH might not have such a positive view of making life harder straightaway!

My 2 are 17 months apart and yes it’s hard work but was also great as they napped at the same time, liked the same stuff and got on really well.

I had two 18 months apart. Was tough at the beginning, really tough. However, they are now 15 and 16 and overall I think it has made parenting so much easier. Always at the same stage for suitable holidays, days out, similar schooling needs, similar age for suitable films. In my experience far easier to have them close in age. If I had my time over I would definitely do it that way again.

I started TTC as soon as DC1 turned one and conceived first cycle. DC1 was 20 months when DC2 was born.

Honestly it's been fine, far easier than the 0 to 1 DC transition, and already with the little one just 11 months, they adore each other.

It was only possible though because my husband was 100% in board. In the early months when the little one was on the boob 90% of the time he did 90% of care for the toddler, and now we each do 50% of the care for them both. I never at all felt that the burden fell more on me.

Mine are 20 months apart. I'm not going to say its all smooth sailing and easy... but overall its really worked for us.

Pregnancy with a toddler... honestly its going to be hard work whatever the age gap. I couldn't stand the sight or smell of any any "toddler" food or snacks... so it was normal food from then. Nappies weren't too bad. She had no awareness of me puking up my guts everyday! I had to take the side off the cot as I couldn't get her in or out...which fortunately wasn't a problem for us but other people it was a problem.

Newborn baby stage... too young for jealousy was a definite plus. But she was very placid by nature, and fascinated by her baby from Day 1. We had the travel cot in the living room as a safe place for baby, but she mostly left the pram alone anyway. She quickly worked out... baby asleep, more Mummy attention.

As they've got older, its been brilliant. They've had a companion... but thats not a reason to have another. It was a Godsend during Lockdowns, but who could have predicted that?

They are 10&12 now. They clash sometimes and are best friends at other times. Biggest issue is when I need to pick up both from opposite sides of town at the same time!

DH keeps murmuring about getting another deployment to skip the puberty years which are approaching rapidly....

My kids are 26 months apart, obviously not the smallest of age gaps, but I absolutely loved it.

I wouldn’t have coped. Between 12-18 months the idea of another baby would have made me break down sobbing! We are having a 2 year 9 month age gap (baby 2 on the way). It depends if your first baby is easy going

Mine older two are 14 months apart, it was hard but is easier now they are teens. I'm don't really remember bring pregnant with DC2.

Mine are 16 months apart, yes it was hard at the start, but I think I would have found it hard anyway.
Now however, they are usually in the same place. For instance school pickups etc.
They both are at similar stages of interests outside school as well.
Looking back - I'd have done the same again.

I have a 7 month old and we'll be trying again soon. I want to get the baby stage over with quickly.

Two of mine are 20 months apart and it's the best!
Easier in so many ways long term. Might be a little full on for a short while but so worth it in the long run imo.
They are really good friends now, go out to concerts together, share clothes, some friends, loads of interests etc.

We deliberately did a 3 year gap. There are 18 months between me and my younger sibling and 3 years to my older sibling. As a child I hated being so close in age when you are compared especially for things like height or academic ability. Plus as mad as it sounds I didn't want 2 children doing GCSEs and A levels at the same time or 2 children at uni considering it is costing us over £5k per child per year for uni. That is the expected parental contribution by the government, maintenance loans are means tested on household income.

I didn't want to do a double buggy or two in nappies. I wanted to be able to hand stuff down, from prams to cots rather than paying out twice. Mine are literally 3 years apart and the best of friends, they are now 20 and 17.

2 year 3 month gap so I got pregnant when DC1 was about 18m.

It was definitely hard when they were very small. DC1 was a total whirlwind ball of energy, but thankfully he had pretty much zero interest in the baby, so I wasn’t too worried about him attacking her (some of my friends had this issue. Or the toddler wanting to pick up the baby to play with them). Still I don’t really remember much of DC2 first year!

Now they’re 8 and nearly 6 and they play together nicely a lot of the time. Same school, similar routines and friends. They do fight too of course, but overall they have similar interests and needs that make dealing with both of them not much harder than just one of them. I have friends with toddlers and babies alongside their older kids and I’m so glad we’re past that stage now.

Yes, whoever says it isn't is lying.. I think waiting until one is out of nappies before having another makes life a little bit more easier.

I had my first 3 kids in under 3 years I found it easy. 9 year gap then two more with a 2.6 age gap that was hard because I was older.

I get annoyed when I hear people complaining about how tired and exhausted they are when they have chosen to have another baby when the other child isn't even out of nappies yet 🙈

It honestly was a nightmare until youngest was 1 probably and really quite difficult until they were 4, I still have lovely wonderful memories of that time and wouldn't actually change it, but it was really hard work, but I did suffer from ppd and didn't really have any help or proper support and decided to leave my husband when youngest was only 1....! It was actually easier after that to be honest!!
They're 6&8 now though and I adore it and their bond.

A slightly opposite opinion. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and DD1 is 3. She will be 3 years 7 months when baby comes.

Benefits I think are - she is dry day and night now so will only have 1 lot of nappies, she's given up her dummy and the vast majority of the time sleeps all night in her own bed. She goes to school every day for 2 hour's 15 mins. She qualifies for the 30 free hours childcare so I can spend some time with just the baby.

I found age 18 months to 2 the hardest so far so I am glad I have waited. She also totally understands what's going on and is very excited. In hindsight I wish we had tried about 6 months earlier so there would have been just 3 years between them x

Worked brilliantly for us but I loved being pregnant and having little kids. Hardest bit has been that those days were over too quickly. I think it really depends on you and your own circs- pros and cons to every timeline.

everyone I know left enough gap so the oldest had their free childcare hours. But I’m one of 3, and we’re all 17 months apart - my mum said it was intense but we could play easily together as so close in age, and got the nappies/sleep deprivation etc out the way at once

The two in nappies was easy... it was potty training and the few months of them needing the toilet NOW while having another baby/toddler that was the tricky part!

There's 15 months between mine.
They're in their 20s now.

It was fine.

My two girls were 18 months apart and like yours got on well My older child liked to teach the younger one. Time for nap, she used to say, or it's story time etc etc Once the baby was on her feet, she followed her sister everywhere doing what she did. Two children were less difficult than one to deal with. The wee one used to try and get into the school when her sister started there. All the staff knew her long before she went to school. She could not wait to be enrolled.