Is having 2 kids close together a nightmare?

[Zoe1023]

Hi all. I currently have a 6 month old baby, my husband is keen to have 2 close together as he reckons it will be better in the long run and easier to get it out for the way (not for me, I don’t think!).
I’m thinking of getting pregnant again when my baby is 1, but am terrified having 2 close together will be too difficult. Despite the sleep deprivation I’m loving being a mum and have felt it isn’t as ‘bad’ as everyone told me it would be.

However I hated being pregnant and felt miserable throughout. I don’t think I can face another pregnancy (I had terrible nausea and sickness up to 20 weeks last time) with a toddler too, the mum guilt is already there as it is. I’m worrying about leaving her to go back to work which I’m trying to work on.

My sister and I are 18 months apart so I know how lovely it is from their perspective, but I’m selfishly thinking of myself. I think deep down I’d rather wait a couple more years but then sometimes think I should just get it all out of the way? My husband is hands on but I feel very consciously that as mum the burden is always on you.

Sorry for rambling.. really I’m just looking for honest accounts from a mum’s perspective of what it’s like to have a two year age gap/if you waited and what that was like too. Thanks x

Mine are 16-17 months apart. The second was definitely unplanned. In fact, at that point I was thinking that maybe one child was enough! My first child was not the easiest of babies, and I was having trouble adjusting to motherhood.

It was pretty tough initially. Fortunately child 2 was easier going than child 1, otherwise it would have been a nightmare! But I think from about age 3-4 onwards it was easier than having a big gap as their needs, abilities, likes etc were much more similar.

If you want until your first is 1 before your start trying, the gap won't be that small.

I have 17 mths between my two kids. Absolutely loved it and would do it the same again. They’re teenagers now. From my point of view I found I was so much more relaxed when DC2 was born and we fell into a great routine. And having them at the same stage of life was so much better for holidays etc.

My personal view is that smaller age gaps are better for kids. With a big gap someone is always missing out, compromising or being dragged somewhere they’re not interested in.

22m
18m
25m

In some ways the easiest was the middle two. My eldest was old enough to recognise that a new baby was there - he immediately decided that he was not using nappies anymore and the first 2 months after #2 was born every time I sat down to BF I was interrupted by a desperate toddler who wanted potty. It was wild. Difficult. Crazy. But within 8 months there was a relationship between the two and real play together happening.

When DD was born the boys were a unit. In some ways I felt terrible that ds2 was still a baby himself, he'd only been walking for 3 months. Wasn't really steady on his feet. He stopped bf when I was 6 months pregnant and I felt some guilt about that too. But also, he really just accepted the new baby. No competition for attention. And they share a peer group to a reasonable extent.

The last gap was over two years. I'd hoped for another 18m gap but I lost that pregnancy. DD bf for another year after ds3 was born, I remember her on the day he was born waiting patiently for him to feed so she could have her turn.

It's silly but in some ways it's my least favourite gap and has been all along. She was almost out of nappies so I had to get back into those, she was more able to argue her place. And now the older 3 are teens mr11 seems tiny.

I've a 21 month old and and 8 month old the first few weeks was tough.
What I find the hardest is getting out the house by the time I've got them both ready someone needs their nappy changing again or ones fallen asleep.

I also only used the double pram a few times. Bsbywearing worked well for me, and then I bought a box cargo bike that fit all of the kids. For 6 years that thing took us almost everywhere we needed to go.

Mine are 9,6,4,2 and 6 months. I like them close together. I felt like I’m sort of in a routine of being tired and doing all the baby stuff- so what’s one more?

That’s a great point about having two close in age. It’s often easier to wear the baby and have the toddler in a buggy.

we had twins. 2 minutes apart. It was hard at the beginning but we were new parents too. Were over and done with nappies and everything else.

It's better in the long run! But it's so shit for around 2 years.

Had just over 14 months between mine - now in their thirties and I am a grandmother. It kind of worked for us because I was a SAHM but we couldn't have paid two lots of childcare simultaneously, and it was very hard work when they were small I will not lie. Beyond the very early years was great as they were good company for each other. Not sure I would recommend such a small age gap however.

I mean, plenty of people do it. And plenty of people decide otherwise. Depends on you and you support network etc I think. For me, I didn't even consider it seriously. I had PND after my DC1, I also wanted to work and I'm low waged so we couldn't have afforded two in nursery without the funded hours. I also had HG so knew I was likely to have it again and that would leave DH solo parenting for months which would be harder the younger the child was.

There's 3 and a quarter years between my two. Pros and cons to all age gaps but I definitely would have crumbled with a much smaller gap. But we have no reliable support network, I think if we did maybe we would have had a smaller gap because I can definitely see the pros. I just couldn't have coped.

11 months between mine (it was a bit of a “wait 6 years for a bus and then two come along at once” situation). Honestly - you just cope with whatever gap life hands you.

Mine are incredibly close apart from when one manages to breathe in a manner that annoys the other one - so same as all siblings really. In different years at school but because of logistics and school places this year are in the same mixed age class and that’s worked relatively OK.

MN likes precision planned 3 year age gaps - life is less fastidious

I have a 19m gap. They're now 2y3m and 3y10m. It has been considerably easier for the last 6m. I look back and think it was madness for the first year and a bit but it's lovely now. They play together really well and miss each other if they're apart. I think now the youngest is 2 I couldn't imagine going back to the baby stage, whereas I was pregnant after 1st was 10m so had never had the luxury of them having that tiny bit of independence. So I wonder if it's more of a shock to the system going from a 3+ yr old to a newborn than it is having two close together.

I have this age gap and love it. I feel like I got lots of time to enjoy my first and then she was relatively independent and in nursery when second came along.

My second is 3 now and they get on great, share a room and play together.

I have an 19m and 3 m old and honestly , it is actual hell so far .

I have 18 mo ths between my first 2 and a 3rd followed 2.5 years later.. jsut over 4 years between them all, and I wouldn't change it. I love how close they all are. You jist have to embrace the chaos and noise and nappies :D
They are now 3, 6&7 and its calming down slightly! Haha

When it's your 1st baby the excitement and love of your newborn can make you feel that way. You haven't had much experience and at this point it all seems like a good idea. DS dad was horrified but if I had my way inwouod of done it caught up in the moment!

I think 3 years is a lovely age gap both small but can see to baby too.

"Honestly - you just cope with whatever gap life hands you."

That's not actually true though. I know some mums who have had PND, some very badly (gone into mother and baby unit) and a big factor was dealing with a young toddler and a newborn. In some cases it's had a financial impact as the dad had to cut their hours to support the mother at home. So just because we've had positive stories, doesn't mean everyone can cope. I know I was lucky to have support from my parents and DH and have the the dcs in nursery from a young age.

Yup once they are out of nappies, both in nappies is extra hard work

Thank you everyone for taking the time to share your responses. I’m beginning to think a 3 year gap would suit us better as a family rather than doing it all so close together - I know I’m my gut I don’t want that. From this thread though it’s obvious there’s very different feelings/experiences towards it.

I got pregnant entirely unintentionally just after the first turned 1. It took us 3 years ttc dc1 so was flabbergasted.

it’s been really good for the last few years. 21 months apart, similar stage in life, like similar things. Generally get on. They are 8 and nearly 10 now.

but I won’t deny that the first couple of years were tough. Neither child slept and I think we basically had five years where neither DH or I properly slept. I think I was a permanent zombie tbh. I don’t remember hardly any of it. However it makes sense to get it all out the way rather than getting your life back then starting again, I think. I know lots of people with 5 ish year gaps which sounds very difficult.

Regardless of how hands on your husband is, ultimately it's you who has to be pregnant for 9 months, give birth, go through postpartum etc. I always wanted two close together but I could never, ever have another baby right now, I simply wouldn't cope! I think each age gap has its benefits. I have a brother a year older that I hardly speak to but I'm extremely close with my younger brother who is 6.5 years younger so I wouldn't force a close age gap on the basis that your children will be friends etc.

There's 16 months between mine. Youngest is 11 weeks. It's not too bad, tho obviously drainin. But in my view, it's better to have 2 in nappies at the same time and overlap the hard years! I feel a bit guilty that I can't do as much with my toddler, like her forest playgroup as that'd be too much, tho I hope to restart that in autumn when they are 5 months and 21 months, but I have baby in a sling a lot, leaving hands free to play or read with toddler

Simple answer NO

You still have all the stuff and remember how it is ..

Mine are 28 and 26.5 months and then 21 ... I would recommend a gap between 2&3 to keep your sanity ...

She might be out of nappies by 2 years old u never know 😊