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Original poster

Is having 2 kids close together a nightmare?

117 replies

Zoe1023 · 06/07/2023 14:11

Hi all. I currently have a 6 month old baby, my husband is keen to have 2 close together as he reckons it will be better in the long run and easier to get it out for the way (not for me, I don’t think!).
I’m thinking of getting pregnant again when my baby is 1, but am terrified having 2 close together will be too difficult. Despite the sleep deprivation I’m loving being a mum and have felt it isn’t as ‘bad’ as everyone told me it would be.

However I hated being pregnant and felt miserable throughout. I don’t think I can face another pregnancy (I had terrible nausea and sickness up to 20 weeks last time) with a toddler too, the mum guilt is already there as it is. I’m worrying about leaving her to go back to work which I’m trying to work on.

My sister and I are 18 months apart so I know how lovely it is from their perspective, but I’m selfishly thinking of myself. I think deep down I’d rather wait a couple more years but then sometimes think I should just get it all out of the way? My husband is hands on but I feel very consciously that as mum the burden is always on you.

Sorry for rambling.. really I’m just looking for honest accounts from a mum’s perspective of what it’s like to have a two year age gap/if you waited and what that was like too. Thanks x

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 06/07/2023 15:25

17 months between my eldest 2 and was the best thing we did. Napped at the same time, played together and had similar interests at the same sort of ages so days out etc were lovely to plan and do.
No regrets whatsoever, they were so close.

Seryse · 06/07/2023 15:25

I have a 19 year old DD, 14 month old DS and a 4 week old DD. Right now, with the 2 little ones is ... well kinda chaos 😂but it'll be a rough few years then I'm hoping it'll even out

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2023 15:25

Its such a personal decision.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than 2 close together in age. I wanted a big age gap of 5+yrs so i could focus on 1 child, work on my career between the 2 kids. I also wanted the older one to be far more independant.

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NoraLuka · 06/07/2023 15:29

My DDs have a 15 month gap and it was tiring but OK and overall I’m happy with how it all worked out BUT I was only 25 when DD2 was born and didn’t have a problem with 4 hours of sleep per night. I’m early 40s now and don’t think I’d cope (not that I’m thinking of having another 2 DC now!)

givememoremoremore · 06/07/2023 15:30

My boys are 2yrs and 1month apart, they're 5 and 3. They argue a bit but generally play really nicely, family outings are really good because they are both liking the same things.
It was hard going when I was pregnant but it all feels like a distant memory now really.

Happyinmyowncompany · 06/07/2023 15:32

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2023 15:25

Its such a personal decision.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than 2 close together in age. I wanted a big age gap of 5+yrs so i could focus on 1 child, work on my career between the 2 kids. I also wanted the older one to be far more independant.

This 🙌🏽

londonmummy1966 · 06/07/2023 15:33

Mine are 16 months apart. It was along time ago but I do remember the hard work. Basically its ok so long as you can contain one if necessary - so alawys have a chair or buggy to hand in case you need to deal with one and can't have the other running/crawling/rolling around causing chaos. They are 19 and 20 now and incredibly close. Once they got to about 4 and 5 I think my life was easier than it would have been with a bigger gap as they tended to have the same interests and could entertain each other.

MyMachineAndMe · 06/07/2023 15:36

There are 17 months between my dc and honestly it was a nightmare for a good few years. They're 10 & 12 now and although they bicker ask the time they are close and do still play and talk together. Getting out of the early baby and nappy and weaning stages within a few years was good too.

user1469908686 · 06/07/2023 15:38

Ours are 16mths apart too.
Was easy enough when they were little, days out/holidays etc.
They fight like drunks though - always have done!

I think if I had my time again id probably leave a bit bigger gap - I think two pregnancies so close together took its toll on me physically.

BubblinTrouble · 06/07/2023 15:39

We have a 20 month age gap between ours.

pregnancy was hard. I missed a really nice stage of DD being able to potter around and not be too cheeky haha.

they rarely nap together. Little one sleeps all morning whilst DD plays. Then she’s ready to nap and then DS is up. So it’s very full on at weekends.

I think the challenge will be when DS starts moving and we’ll have two in opposite directions…

Days when it’s just me and the kids it’s tricky. Toddler just wants all of me and so does DD. But we also have nursery so time with just the two of them is limited. If we didn’t have childcare I’d deffo regret it!!

Mynextusername · 06/07/2023 15:45

DS is 5.5 months and I’m 17 weeks pregnant, due to health issues DD is due to be delivered when DS will be about 10.5 months.
Totally unplanned (had to have fertility treatment to have DS after 4 years of negative tests, conceived DD before even having a period)

My pregnancy with DS was awful, HG sickness, hospitalised twice, sick right up until the day he was born. I really struggled and wasn’t sure I could ever find the mental strength to go through pregnancy again.
This time I’ve been no where near as sick, mainly if I don’t eat before getting up, let myself get hungry or eat too much (although there’s been a few nappies that have set me off massively!)
it’s been such a dream in comparison!
Since finding out I’ve heard lots of good and bad stories about small age gaps and to be honest I take a lot with a pinch of salt as it’s all to do with you and your family dynamic I think.
I’m concerned about the lack of sleep but I will have lots of family help and will have time to nap if needed
My husband is more than happy to do a nappy and won’t let me near bath time and last bottle of the night so I always have 1hr to myself, if we can get the routine down I can either spend that hour with one child or try and get bedtimes set so I can still get a bit of time to myself.
Once I’m back at work I won’t need to take anymore time off and can focus on my career.
DS won’t be able to be jealous and won’t remember a time before DD.
Is it ideal, no, would it be ideal for me in 1year/2years/3years, nope, it would have just been a different set of challenges.

Stressfordays · 06/07/2023 15:45

I had 3 in 5 years. First gap was 3 years, 2nd gap was 2 years. I actually preferred the 2 year gap, I don't know why though. It just seemed nicer having the toddler and baby at home then when I had the preschooler and newborn. The 5 year gap between the eldest and youngest was lovely too, he was so helpful with his baby sister.

I had mine young though so my energy levels were high and I was ok with being sleep deprived. I couldn't do it now!

Helpel · 06/07/2023 15:45

Mine are 16 months apart (now 7&8) and reflecting a lot of others it was hard for the first year after number 2 was born, but fab since then - shared interests, locations, friends, activities etc.
However you asked from the mum's perspective. When i fell pregnant with number 2, number 1 was only 6 months old but i had had a lovely first pregnancy and an easy labour and birth, so no fear there. My husband was helpful, grandparent support on both sides and a years full paid maternity leave. So no life worries. Baby 1 slept well and breast fed like a pro. So i felt ready and excited to try for number 2. If you don't, there's no point cramming them in 'to get it done'. As lots of people will testify, 3 year age gaps have as many, albeit different benefits, to short ones.

EconomyClassRockstar · 06/07/2023 15:50

I have 4 and 2 of them are 13 months apart and it was the age gap I found easiest. You're in baby mode anyway.

strawberrybliss · 06/07/2023 15:54

I have a 17m age gap. I think people do view it as hard but it's quite satisfying in a way, like a sense of achievement for enduring it. You get the prize of having a sibling pair who are almost like twins (which is a bit of a status symbol for celebrities), but not quite as tough on your body and not needing fertility treatment to plan it.

I coped pretty well, but I was back at work after 6m for both of mine and always had DH on hand in the evenings to tag team, and my mum was around to help with the older one when on mat leave. It would have been too much to manage them both on my own when younger. They are the best of friends now, and entertain each other so well so I get plenty of time to relax!

ebts · 06/07/2023 15:59

Fourteen and a half months between my two, not planned! It certainly took its toll on my body, I was ill with one thing or another for over a year after the birth of my second.

princesspeppax · 06/07/2023 16:01

I started ttc after my DC1 turned 1 and conceived very quickly and we have a just under 2 year age gap. Its great they are very close I only with I had started trying sooner for a smaller gap. DH and his brother are 13 months apart

PuttingDownRoots · 06/07/2023 16:03

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2023 15:25

Its such a personal decision.

I couldn't imagine anything worse than 2 close together in age. I wanted a big age gap of 5+yrs so i could focus on 1 child, work on my career between the 2 kids. I also wanted the older one to be far more independant.

Definitely personal because having a big gap like that intentionally would have been my worse nightmare (obviously you have no control over how long it takes to conceive so age gaps can be bigger than planned). So many things can't be done with a baby that can be done with older kids.

So definitly a personal choice!

justmyluck1234 · 06/07/2023 16:05

I've got a 5 week old and a 19 month old. I'm currently in the thick of it lol.

As with any amount of children whether than be 1, 2 or 3 it has its moments where I'm like ah this is easy... then in another breath it can be difficult when they both want you at the exact same time.

However I do think this was the right decision for me. I wanted them to be close in age so my little one has a playmate. We currently have no other babies really in the family so... I also wanted to do it all at once rather than wait a few years then kind of be back at square one almost.

I also would like to go back to work once they are in nursery hoping to build my career back up.

These are all just personal reasonings but of course everyone is different.

RoseLarkin · 06/07/2023 16:09

19 months between my two, I found it really, really hard in the beginning (we were also in lockdown though so that certainly didn't help!) but I'm so glad I had them close in age, they are 3.5 and 5 now and the best of friends (a girl and a boy) and they entertain eachother for hours on end. The first 2 years were brutal, but in hindsight did fly by! And since the youngest turned 3 it's been great.

Caravanvirgin · 06/07/2023 16:13

There is a lot of research which suggests it takes 18 months to recover your vitamins and mineral stores after birth.

Embarra55ed · 06/07/2023 16:16

In my experience there is a massive leap in independence between 2 and 3, so every extra month gap within that range makes a huge difference to your experience.

At 24 months (or younger) your DC1 will likely still be in nappies, a cot, a Highchair, speech may not be great, they’ll still be napping. By 36 months they will most likely be potty trained, in a bed, no longer napping, sitting at the table and talking well.

We had a 2.5 year gap and it’s been good. Very glad it wasn’t smaller.

TenoringBehind · 06/07/2023 16:25

20 months between mine. I only know that gap so can’t say if it was better or worse than a bigger gap.
my gut feeling is that it’s easier to get that stage over and done with rather than start to get your life back and then go back to square one with disrupted sleep etc!

TenoringBehind · 06/07/2023 16:27

don’t assume close in age means best of friends. My two barely interact with each other, and it has always been that way. They are like chalk and cheese

smilyfairy · 06/07/2023 16:27

Mine are now 20 and 21 , I also brought them up as a lone parent .
Although tough at the beginning, for me it worked that I had small children at the same time then primary , high school and now adulthood .

For me it made it easier to manage that I was able to focus my energy on an age or stage at a time . The toddler years and mid teen years were particularly hard though ! The adult years are pretty good now though .