To defer a bright child

[Clairebear231]

My son has always been bright, potty trained early, good speech from a young age etc I have never had any concerns. He is due to start school this September at 4 years and 2 months. All professionals say he is capable and ready....but I've recently found out I can defer him starting until next year when he will 5 years and 2 months giving him a big advantage throughout his school career.
My DH is very against this and feels he will be fine in school but I don't want him to be just fine I'd like him to excel, I'm also worried he will struggle being one of the youngest both academically and socially.
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone not deferred a bright child and then regretted it or vice versa?

You can defer but most likely he will miss reception and go directly to year one.

I'm not sure deferring automatically gives them an advantage. A bored bright child who's a year older than some of his peers can be very problematic. I would only consider deferring if there was a real likelihood of them struggling with school. All of my kids are summer born and never felt at a disadvantage through school. If he's bright there's a good chance he'll be getting bored with nursery before long.

What would you do with him in the year he wasn’t at school.

Whilst I know it’s your decision, what does your son want? I am a May birthday, ended up at Oxbridge…along with several other summer born friends. I, according to family legend, had a series of epic tantrums in my first two terms at school because I was only allowed (by the school!) to do half days and was desperate to be at school full days…

You can refer but the school would need to approve the referral and if I'm honest he will likely spend the next year getting frustrated and it will quite probably lead to some behavioral issues.

If he's already ahead being kept back in nursery and seeing all his friends leave whilst he is still stuck with the 'babies' will be a huge dent into his confidence and emotional well-being especially as he currently thinks he's off to big school soon.

Are you struggling with the idea of not having him around?

I think you’re mad to think that another year at home would be more stimulating than school.

What do you mean by excel? School is not a race. You need to do what helps him progress and enjoy learning. That depends on whether your son seems to thrive best in a structured environment or discovering stuff independently at home. If he's at nursery I would send him.

No, I checked with the EA the legislation has said he will be able to repeat the nursery year he just completed and then start school next year, although he cannot stay in his same nursery as there are no places so we would need to find a new nursery, likely a playgroup for this year.

To add he knows he is due to start school in September so my DH argues this will knock his confidence and he will lose his friendship group. But surely he will make new friends next year?

I find the concept of deferring him assuming you get a step up a bit odd.

For context dd is July born. Sounds similar to you description. Very bright. Now at Uni and doing amazingly. She didn’t need a step up.

Deferring can sometimes missing reception or even year 6. The secondary my daughter went only took pupils that were deferred in the correct year. So they ended up leaving friends they had been with all through primary and going to secondary from year 5.

Even if they don’t, I think the age difference of your child and the year they would be deferred into, might cause issues.

I understand deferring when the child needs it. When they don’t, I think you could be causing other issues.

Not necessarily, a head can agree to Reception entry.

Are you a very tall family - will he be much bigger than others in his class?

If he was due to start this September then nursery / preschool and yourselves will have already been doing a lot of preperation work for the transition. I would worry about him staying in nursery for another year when he's expecting to move up with his friends and is already likely to have visited the school.

It won’t give your child an advantage if he end up demotivated and bored because the teachers have to also cater for more needy children who are more than a year younger and possibly low ability as well.

Wanting to give your child an advantage over others by messing around with their school year rather than because of need is a very selfish thing to do, and you would be ‘that parent’ before your child even started.

My Ds is a September birthday so one of the oldest and is also very bright. My main concern is him being bored and not being stretched. I think he would have been fine to go to school the year before but obviously he couldn't. I wouldn't defer your ds. He will be the oldest by quite a way and also bright, I'd be worried he would end up bored and not challenged.

My son is 11 in august and so leaving year 6 this year. Deferring wasn’t an option when he was younger. He was about average in most subjects when he started reception and is probably achieving above average for maths and average for English (not a fan of English!)But the main thing for him is sport. Loads of his school mates are in his football, cricket and rugby teams. He wouldn’t be able to be in the same team as his classmates if he was deferred a year and I think that would have negatively impacted him.

I understand why people say he'll be bored but surely if he was born in September only a few months people won't worry he was bored and say he should move up a year.

When I spoke to the principal she did provided a lot of reassurance and said they would support him but ultimately my decision.

I don't care about what others think of me about the decision I really just want my son to get the best opportunity in life. I was very old for my year and I feel it did nothing but benefit me but I wasn't deferred just had a lucky birthdate.

My main focus is on whether deferral would help or hinder him long-term. Oh and we are relatively tall, he doesn't look too small in his class despite being the youngest

My dd was around the same age when she started school. Frankly, I think it would have been a disaster if we had deferred her.

We sent her to nursery for a term or two before she started school, primarily for the social side rather than actual childcare. She seemed to enjoy it, but I realised after she started school how bored she must have been at nursery and at home, as she was suddenly buzzing with excitement about everything at school. It would have been a shame to have held her back when she was obviously ready for it.

DD is one of the younger ones in her year, but socially she has always thrived and she is actually more mature than most of her peers. I think she would have been terribly frustrated by the immaturity if she had been in the year below. Same with the academic stuff...dd was well ahead of her peers in any case, so being an extra year ahead would have been positively unhelpful. Yes, the extra year might have meant that she would have been streets ahead of most of the other kids, but I can't see how that's particularly desirable? If anything, I would have wished for more dc in dd's year who could have given her a good run for her money!

You say that your ds is bright and ready for school now, so what advantages do you think he will get from being a year older than everyone else? Ultimately it's your choice, but personally, I would only do it if I thought my dc was going to struggle.

To add he knows he is due to start school in September so my DH argues this will knock his confidence and he will lose his friendship group.

Your Dh is right. It will have an affect on his confidence. Starting school is often seen as a big step, and he will be confused about why he's now not allowed to start with his friends. Especially as he's likely to have spent the last few months preparing to leave nursery only to then suddenly have to stay back for another year.

My DS isn't 4 until late August and is starting school in Sept. He's very average in terms of developmental milestones but is clearly bright and bored at nursery. They're constantly having to find new maths/phonics activities for him to do because he's beyond his peers. We did consider deferring but there's less evidence about the long term benefits (and we might send him to private school when he's 11 and him being out of year can be awkward). Our school have told us that he can always repeat reception if he needs to but his new teacher has met him several times and has no doubt that he'll be absolutely fine. He's also super excited about going to school.

I'm a September born. Yes, I probably had a bit of an advantage but I was bright and bored at primary (work too easy) and a lot of my friends were in the year above, making my last year at state primary very lonely.
In my private secondary, there were several kids who were over a year younger than me. Those kids had moved up a year because they were bright. It seems odd to hold a bright child back a year. They might go stir crazy from the boredom!

If he's bright and ready, deferring seems a worse option, not a better one. As a PP has said, a bright child who is over a year older than some of his classmates is not a good thing. My DS is an August birthday, deferring wasn't a thing when he started school. Reception was quite hard for him, but he also was our first child, so no older siblings at home. It evens out pretty quickly though. He's now at Cambridge so overall not a disadvantage.

So you want a bored bright child who’s a year ahead of his peers? Right

My May born is about to start Reception this September at 4y3mo old.
He’s primed and ready, and very excited to go. It would crush him if we deferred.

Your husband is right - your child knows and expects to start school this September.
You getting cold feet is your problem, don’t inflict your unsubstantiated inner turmoil on your child.

Be aware it works both ways. A friend of mine did this and her DD is now coming up to the end of year 5. She’s ready for secondary school, looks and acts like she should be moving up in September but because her parents deferred her reception year she’s still got a full year of primary to go.

I don't get your point about if he was born in September he would have been bored yes if he's ahead he probably would have been and parents of September born children often notice their children show poor behavior in that last year of nursery because they are older mad ready to move on but they have no choice. You're actively looking to create this situation by holding him back which will affect his confidence and likely lead to him becoming disruptive and showing poor behavior.