To defer a bright child

[Clairebear231]

My son has always been bright, potty trained early, good speech from a young age etc I have never had any concerns. He is due to start school this September at 4 years and 2 months. All professionals say he is capable and ready....but I've recently found out I can defer him starting until next year when he will 5 years and 2 months giving him a big advantage throughout his school career.
My DH is very against this and feels he will be fine in school but I don't want him to be just fine I'd like him to excel, I'm also worried he will struggle being one of the youngest both academically and socially.
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone not deferred a bright child and then regretted it or vice versa?

@WeightoftheWorld a couple of my other friends with autumn born children told me their children were bored at nursery in their last year. They all go to completely different nurseries.

Like in my DD and her friends - who moved from different nurseries - cases their boredom is due to social reasons.

Incidentally one of my friends also has an August born child as well went to school a few weeks after she turned 4. She loves school and people have to be told she is the youngest in the year. (Another friends' August born child doesn't appear ready to start school. )

Are you always this rude about early years educators in nurseries?

Not all of them are young people, and some that have cared for my daughter also do stuff with older children.

You’re measurements of ‘bright’ aren’t really reflective of that at all. Potty training and early speech aren’t indicators of a child’s academic success in any way whatsoever.

is he emotionally and socially ready? If so, send him.

usually the brightest children in the class are often ‘left to it’ more than the ones who struggle or are nearing ‘middle of the road’ as the first year is levelling the playing field.

Therefore if he is bright, he will benefit from social engagements and friendships and settling. If he isn’t bright but socially well, then they’ll level him up.

Holding him back for a competition to be the best in class isn’t beneficial for him.

I an assuming this is your first child? The first year at school they literally become different people as they find their feet and first major steps in independence. It’s amazing to see.

Yes he's our first, I have already explained that I am not holding him back for a competition, as others have said it's about thriving Vs surviving in school. I am worried he won't keep up and lose confidence in himself. I've started to work on phonics and maths with him as I worry other children have a whole extra year ahead of him and it's mentally stressing me out. That's why I feel possible deferral would take this pressure off trying to teach him at home?

I believe he is social as he always makes friends when we're out at a park etc emotionally it's hard to know, not much to compare him to, he will get upset if he doesn't get his own way. The nursery report said he was a "gentle sensitive well behaved child". He's also been going to a private daycare (7:45am to 5:30pm) three days a week since he was 1.

Why is this at all rude ? Those skills are certainly what early years tend to base school readiness on. It’s just fact. I have huge respect for nursery workers but they are naturally only exposed to 0-5 as a specialism, so really they have no idea about the disadvantage of starting school at just turned 4 unless they take a special interest in the area outside of their day to day focus.

Our little boys nursery is ran by a qualified teacher and is attached to the school we are planning for him to attend. They do complete assessments and reports throughout the year and prior to him leaving. They look at a lot of areas not just potty training and dressing themselves. I see you can very much for deferring and I appreciate your input but it's good to hear a variety of opinions

Really not meaning to sound negative about nurseries - I just think their opinion about whether a child is ready or not is not really relevant because that isn’t what is likely to determine outcomes for a summer born but I hear you’ve had enough input from me so will leave future posts for other people and different perspectives as I really am not trying to persuade or convince anyone. It’s a personal decision. I only came on here to correct some of the ignorant and frankly wrong comments but not intending to push my own agenda so will leave it there. Good luck!!!

Thank you! It's good to hear from people who have been through it and don't automatically criticise me for going against the norm

With my deferred son, I didn’t do any preparation with him before he went into reception. He knew his letters but couldn’t read at all. He knew his numbers up to 20 and could do simple addition, but that was it.

When he joined reception he was probably at much the same level as every other child there, there was certainly no advantage, and there doesn’t need to be.

Please remember there will be lots of September and October birthdays in his class so your son being the oldest will probably only be by a minimal amount compared to other children.

My son is the oldest by about two weeks and then the other children’s 5th birthdays soon start cropping up….

With me, my choice to defer was based on the research about your emotional and behavioural effects of starting school at just turned four….. they are more likely to be diagnosed with SEN, more likely to have behavioural issues and more likely to have mental health problems when they’re older.

Just enjoy your extra time with him and don’t try and force reading and Beth’s on him before he starts school because it isn’t necessary, and if he starts school already having those skills to s high level then that seriously runs the risk of him being bored and have problems that are associated with that.

Making the decision to defer is so difficult and even though I planned for it for 12 months and got everything in place I was still having many moments of doubts throughout the process.

I had a lot of negative comments from people but at the end of the day unless the people who are making the comments have actually read the research papers then their uninformed opinion doesn’t count for anything.

In England deferral is purely at the decision of the headteacher. So while your reception HT may be completely fine with a deferred child starting in Reception , it is possibly that the secondary school headteacher could have different views and make a child go into Y8 at transition time.
That would put me off deferring in England so I would check the legal position for secondary in NI.

My only other concern would be how my child would explain being a whole year older than their peers, especially in high school. Kids can be mean and I would worry that he might be laughed at.

That's not the case, at all. Please stop spreading misinformation. Schools have to follow the Government codes. It's already been tested at tribunals and schools cannot just "refuse". It is very clear also that they cannot force a child to move from the cohort when they go to secondary school because they'd have to prove that it is in the child's besf interest to skip a whole year of education and leave their social group which is never going to be possible to prove, obviously!!

And they are not "a whole year older". Usually a matter of weeks, and in some cases only a single day older. Why do people keep spouting this nonsense?

It's an issue that a neighbour of ours recently had with the head of her preferred secondary school. So if it is misinformation, it's not coming from me. It's what some HTs think.

You seem very cross. Are you ok?

They limit what they do in reception to what the youngest children can manage.

My late dec born DC was bright and generally held back/limited by the slow pace in state infants school, especially the reading and maths.

The baseline assumption is that all children start not knowing a single letter sound and working slowly from S,A,T,N,I,P onwards. The most recent guidance doesn't allow scope to vary the curriculum to cater to children ahead of this, children can only be given reading books matching the sounds being taught in class. Maths is focussed on mastery which means they will not move onto content further ahead in the curriculum, even to extend very bright children who know number bonds to 10 every which way.

Govt policy now is "keep up not catch up". This means not letting children fall behind, which means not letting anyone move ahead either. There's zero advantage to starting as an older born, academically.

Where it can impact is social readiness, and id only consider holding a child back if this or "life skills" like toileting or dressing were behind schedule.

Apologies I hadn’t read every single response just the first couple of pages, and original post sounded like you wanted him to be “best in class” rather than for his own growth.

My son is Feb and I was worried about him starting from an academic standpoint because he’s behind with speech. However he’s as bright as a button. We are having private and NHS speech therapy and my fear was he would be held back socially from friendships and academically with phonics due to the delay.

The opposite has been true. He’s mates with most kids, very popular even though his speech isn’t quite where his peers are. However his confidence has grown as his buddies all support him.

Academically he’s thriving and whilst he is undoubtedly behind in phonics he’s at expected level for everything else (Y1 is a very thorough assessment). We expect him to close the phonics and speech gap in the next 6-12 months.

Why am I telling you this? Well…he was emotionally ready. Very ready. Academically he wasn’t, but he’s totally on track now and he’s maybe taken a little longer to get there but he’s done it. The maturity from his age to someone in reception is quite vast. You’ll notice this in your own boy I suspect if you held him back.

I wouldn’t worry about the academics and him being on top at this point. That’s almost secondary in reception. The real navigation is the figuring out proper friendships and social interactions. It’s a lot! At nursery everyone is lovely, even the ones we think aren’t, as adults control every situation. Reception you see the dynamics shift and you can’t control it. They have to realise that maybe people may not want to play with them and turn taking isn’t monitored like when they’re little and you have to speak up for yourself more etc.

Therefore reception is really about their emotional growth and well being. They learn through play, not “sit down and learn” type academics. As such if he’s emotionally ready, he will be absolutely fine.

It's doesn't matter what Head Teachers think, they still have to follow the rules. If they refuse to parents can enforce this.

The children transferring recently to secondary would have been some of the first deferred after the guidelines were introduced so some Heads may still be unfamiliar eith the requirements they have to follow. By the time any children starting school now are secondary transfer age secondary Heads will have seen this scenario many times over and be familiar with the rules and that they have no right to obstruct the child moving with their cohort.

You seem very cross. Are you ok?

🙄 What a comedian.

I am simply correcting people who are writing factually wrong nonsense on the thread.

Fair enough but you really don't need to be rude about it.
Actually that's not correct... Would have been perfectly reasonable and would have gotten your point across.
If my neighbour, and therefore I, was given the wrong information then I am more than happy to be corrected. You just don't have to be quite so angry.

Thanks I found your post reassuring to read. We've actually started him at a summer scheme today and he's in with mostly older children and he has had a great time and keen to go again no issues at drop off. I know it's not school but has given me a bit more confidence in his social skills!

Please don’t worry about teaching him phonics and maths ahead of reception. There’s no need at all.

You are worrying so much about this. He’s 4! Trust me once they are 16 and 18 then worry.
My eldest is very bright (in Mensa and applied to oxbridge) he’s also a July baby. We never taught him anything before starting reception. We had an inkling he may be bright but never thought anymore about it. In year 3 he really started to flourish of his own accord. They had to get him year 6 work as he found year 3 work too easy. The head explained to me this is when they see kids that are naturally bright, they naturally start to show their strengths. He said it’s always obvious the children who are pushed to read first etc in reception and they also find their strengths but quite often it’s not academic and may be sport or art. So the early work before reception is futile.
Enjoy your time with him now, no studying, let him join school in September as he seems ready and excited to go, and let him find his natural strengths (with mums support of course).

Misinformation being spread as gospel is what worries parents about deferral.

School cannot refuse a referral as children don’t legally have to be in school until they are 5 years old. The schools can try and argue that the child goes straight into Year 1 but thankfully this is very rare these days.

A secondary school is not going to make a pupil miss an entire year of secondary level education and put them into the cohort they “should” have been in.

And of course the deferred children aren’t a “whole year older” ….. my son is the oldest by two weeks. Within 6 weeks of him turning five, there were four other children who turned five.

Thanks, yes I have been worrying myself sick about all this, deferring and trying to make sure he keeps up with the older kids. Just wish I could look into the future and see everything was going to be ok!

As a Mum of the July baby, whose just finished school, I can honestly say try not to stress too much. You have 14 years ahead of you and it will be like a roller coaster! But there are some really amazing parts and I wish I could do it all again (well maybe not some parts….).
Good luck on whatever you decide, but I would say enjoy your summer with your lad and look forward to this next chapter that’s about this start. It sounds like he will be fine :)
What you are feeling is normal. I’m now feeling it about university! The gap year sounds really attractive but my lad says he’s ready for uni so I’ve got to let him go.

My DS is an august baby and started school when he had only just turned 4. Like yours he already seemed bright and was scoring well on all his EYFS assessments. He has always done well in school and despite being one of the youngest in his class has always been one of the top of the class. He received top scores in his SATs and is now in year 3 and according to schools assessments he is operating 4 years ahead in his reading and 3 years ahead in his spelling.

It obviously depends on every individual and both their abilities and social skills as to whether it would suit them but I think it’s more about whether you think they will cope with it rather than excel by doing it.

I have also personally found that in my experience with my kids (especially due to Covid now) there are a lot of struggling kids and the teachers don’t have time to give the brighter kids the additional attention they need to be able to excel as they are so busy helping those who are struggling. So it doesn’t necessarily help to be a bright child as you get left to it. This is not a reflection on the teachers but more
the system. It does depend on the teacher too as my DS had an amazing teacher last year who really pushed and challenged him. But if you don’t get an amazing one like that your child may get bored if you keep him back as he completes the work fast and can then be disruptive.

I totally get this. My eldest is an August baby and very bright. I wouldn't have. held him back deliberately, though I would have been tempted, but we've moved to a European country where kids go to school a year later. He's at an English school so gets the extra year here and if we move back to the UK he will stay back a year. I see it as a huge academic advantage.

It also happened that way with a friend of mine who moved from Scotland and was born in December. He was almost 20 when he started at Oxford and definitely didn't cause him a problem.