To defer a bright child

[Clairebear231]

My son has always been bright, potty trained early, good speech from a young age etc I have never had any concerns. He is due to start school this September at 4 years and 2 months. All professionals say he is capable and ready....but I've recently found out I can defer him starting until next year when he will 5 years and 2 months giving him a big advantage throughout his school career.
My DH is very against this and feels he will be fine in school but I don't want him to be just fine I'd like him to excel, I'm also worried he will struggle being one of the youngest both academically and socially.
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone not deferred a bright child and then regretted it or vice versa?

No way would I defer. It sounds totally unnecessary in your situation. My niece is an August baby so one of the youngest in her class...she does fantastically. Your ds sounds like he's ready for school. If you defer him, by the time he's in year six when he should be starting secondary school, he will probably seem so much older than his primary class. Also if he's sporty, his sports team age classification will be out of step with his school year.

Yes I guess the systems are just very different too. Nursery here has kids up to 5.5 routinely so it's not unusual and no one gets left with 3yos when the bigger kids go up as there's a mix of ages and it's not really any big thing to defer, loads do it if you have a winter baby. But as I say, I guess it's just very different here v England. Deferral here is generally seen as a positive thing.

I would not defer a smart kid. My dc is September born, very academic and was always very bored in the first 4 years of school until the younger ones started to catch up.

There is a girl in my son's class who is deferred and early august born. She has always been the highest achieving girl until year 5 when all the other bright kids caught up in terms of development and started to outshine her, she really struggled that she wasn't the brightest, most talented and amazing kiddo in the class any longer and started misbehaving badly for attention.

I think you've left it too late now really... he's been prepped for starting school. Had this been a couple of months ago, deferring would have made sense.

My elder DD is just 12 now. There was many times at Primary school we thought she would be better academically in the year below. Suddenly in Yr6 she accelerated and is now one of the top students in Yr7. Next week shes been selected for a trip to a University for example. Being in the year below would have held her back in many ways.

Some kids benefit from being the eldest, some kids find having something to aim at motivates them. Its guessing which camp a child falls in really.

If you’re genuinely worried he won’t be ready socially and emotionally then I’d consider deferring. If you are just doing it for perceived academic advantage I probably wouldn’t.

My bright August boy would have been bored to death in the year below. He excels in his own year group, top of the class in most subjects. Thought about deferring him, so so glad I did not. At heart he is a lazy person and would have lagged with nothing to stretch him. Was slightly worried about sports teams as studies show that pro sports people are usually September born but in sports he plays up a year so no worries there either

Why oh why do people always post this on threads when for the vast majority of summer born deferrals it's just not true?

My eldest will be starting reception at 5 this September.

My elder DD is just 12 now. There was many times at Primary school we thought she would be better academically in the year below. Suddenly in Yr6 she accelerated and is now one of the top students in Yr7

Sounds exactly like my DD. She's also 12 and in year seven. She was very young for her age and struggled slightly academically. Me and her dad would often say we wished she could have one more year at primary. She didn't though and started secondary and absolutely blossomed both socially and academically. I couldn't imagine her as she is now in primary school. She would be very much out of place.

My DD turned 4 last week and is more than ready for school. She's looking forward to it, and her nursery say she's absolutely ready. No way would I defer her unless I thought she would suffer from going now. Another year of nursery wouldn't be good for her at all.

I understand deferring if you have concerns, but it doesn't sound like you do. So I definitely agree with your DH on this.

I wouldn't defer. I have a September born very bright child. He's now 10 and just coasts through primary school, very bored, because he's rarely challenged. I'm actually worried about how he is going to manage in secondary when he will have to put some effort in, instead of completing the work in 10 minutes and spending the rest of the lesson reading as he does now.

My main focus is on whether deferral would help or hinder him long-term. Oh and we are relatively tall, he doesn't look too small in his class despite being the youngest

It will hinder him due to his intelligence and height.

I have nephews who were born at the end of June, in July and August. Some of whom are now young adults. Academically they were with their year then ended up ahead as they got firsts in their degrees. The tallest ones were actually born in August so people use to think they were actually a year or two older than they were.

Send him to school. Dd summer born. No issues.

I don’t understand this tbh. Are you in England? Formal education (reception/F2) starts in the September of the school year that the child turns 5 so that would be next year for you. And your child would be one the oldest in their year group. Are you just talking about preschool/F1? There’s no legal requirement for this and it’s not ‘education’ iyswim.

My DS is a preemie May born (but should have been July). I did consider holding him back but my DP disagreed and so we sent him on schedule. Thank goodness. Turns out he's pretty bright and in Year One now but doing work with Year Twos because he's bored and outgrown his year one work. I think it would have been pretty detrimental to his development if I'd kept him back, he would have been so bored repeating preschool

No, her child will be 4 years 2 months in September, so will be starting reception because he'll be 5 next July-ish.

I'm trying to think of a kinder way of putting this, but essentially I think that you need to honestly look at your motivations for this and determine whether they meet the best interests of your child NOW (as opposed to when they're 17 and applying to Uni). If your child is ready for school, and it sounds as if he is, he should go to school and start to really enjoy learning, as opposed to being bored in nursery or being 'hothoused' by mum at home for an extra year. I say this with the hindsight of 3 dc, all 3 in further education (2 x RG Unis and one doing a professional qualification). The most influential aspect in their education we found, was enjoyment of it and the confidence that comes from that. Please don't be one of those mums who already aims for the Uni and job market for her child and therefore misses out on all the fun of learning in the intervening years.

OPs child will start this September at 4 years 2 months, meaning they will turn 5 during this school year. If they waited until next year they would start at 5 years 2 months, so turn 6 before the end of the reception year

Why would it give him an advantage? And be careful with the "want him to excel" mindset.

What countries don’t have children in any sort of educational setting before 7?

I do think you sound rather pushy and that your desire to do this is not based on your ds needs but hoping to give him an advantage over his peers.

I have a summer born DD and I was really tempted to defer her, simply because she seemed too young to be starting at school at just turned 4. However, I didn't defer and when I asked her Reception teachers if being summer born seemed to put her at a disadvantage they dismissed that out of hand and said she was more than ready to start school. She is now in the top few in the class and so being in the year below she would presumably have been the top and then gone unchallenged/bored. I understand your thought process but I really wouldn't defer in your situation.

This reads of 'I want him to excel' = 'I want him to be the best in class so I can gloat'. Surely if he is as bright as you make out then being in a challenging environment would be the best for him? Deferring him would leave him bored in his school years as not challenging enough. I'm not quite sure how potty training and talking equates to being a particularly bright child but 🤷‍♀️

In your situation, I wouldn't defer personally. It is worth remembering that Reception is a lot more play based and fun and it's Year 1 where more traditional teaching starts. A lot changes in a year and when he is 5 and a bit and repeating a year of play based learning, that is when he may start getting bored.

Ahhh, gotcha. Thanks
I misread the OP. I blame the dog who woke me up at 5.20am for a wee.

So, to the OP point …. My sons bday is aug28. He was 4 and about 1week when he started reception. It’s never been obvious that he had any disadvantage (and we saved another year of childcare/nursery costs) but in key stage 1 the summer babies were closely monitored and supported. Of course there’s a real spread across the year group so your child wouldn’t be the only one. Mines a bright kid and passed the 11+ and is just finishing year 10 at grammar school. The 11+ has a weighting for age, that might be something you’d bear in mind.

he was so ready for school when he went. Another year in nursery would have been dreadful for him

In your situation as you've described it, no I wouldn't defer.
It really is all about the child. Statistics are not telling you about your individual child.
My daughter is August born and very bright, we didn't defer her and she is absolutely flying along, loves school, it would have been a massive mistake to defer her. I'm also August born, went to school in my own cohort and did very well academically. I did do a gap year before starting University which was the right thing for me at that point.
My son wouldn't have been able to defer as he's not summer-born but if he had been, I might have been more tempted, as I could see how an extra year at home / nursery would have benefited him emotionally and academically. So I'm not automatically against deferring a child.