Help. I'm a step mum with one baby and I want more

[SodaPoppy]

I need some advice/help.
I desperately want another baby. My DH does not.
3 years ago, his ex wife killed herself and I took on his two children, 6 and 9, without hesitation. We were only 11 months into the relationship at the time. We then tried to have one of our own and we lost her at 22 weeks. We have just had our rainbow baby and he is 5 months old and I want to have another. I feel like I made a huge sacrifice taking on his children and I didn't know that the small print was that I was swapping my own children for them. If I had known, it may have been different but we are amazing as a couple and I don't want to leave to have another baby. Any suggestions?

This. With bells on

Did your DP and his ex each have a life assurance policy with the children the beneficiary?

It's my understanding that such policies don't pay out on suicide, though I may be wrong.

An agreement in most decently earning marriages is that each takes out a LA policy. My children set to get a shit load if my ex conks it! Less so if I cook it but still sizeable!

to cover the eventuality of the other becoming a SP and all the additional costs

Oh heavens I missed that.

Apologies

Actually

Which life insurance providers pay out for suicidal death in the UK?In the table below we have summarised how 10 of the top life insurance companies in the UK treat suicide:
Insurer Covered for Suicide? Suicide not covered within the first:
Aegon Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
AIG Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Aviva Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Beagle Street Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Legal & General Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
LV= Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Royal London Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Scottish Widows Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Vitality Yes 12 months of taking the policy out
Zurich Yes 12 months of taking the policy out

Mine does (vitality)

Ah, thank you, I didn't know that.

Oh dear you’ve left me feeling a bit unsettled @SheilaFentiman

You’ve all been through so much. I think counselling (together and individually) is important.

I can’t imagine how hard this is for both of you but it’s refreshing to hear that you love him and want to stay with him despite the fact that you may not be able to have what you desire the most. Hopefully counselling will help both of you to discuss how you both feel and to understand each other’s views.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I would wait a year! I remember thinking I wanted another one immediately but I think it was hormones! Now o see it was better to wait! Never say never though I think that's what your partner needs to reassure you with

@SheilaFentiman @Passionfruitroulade yes, she did have life insurance and yes, it did pay out. That money now sits in a bank account for the SC. It's not really relevant to my issue though

@Arewehumanorarewecupboards thank you. I really do love him and my SC so I hope he changes his mind, if not. I will have to learn to accept it 😞

@fitnessmummy it's not that I want one right now. I just want another in the future. And that doesn't look like an option

only relevant because usually the life assurance where a party of divorce settlement is used by the parent that assumes full parental responsibility following death. And it’s designed to be used by the remaining parent for the children. Not entirely kept aside for when they’re 18. But you’re right, a separate issue. It was only when you said that you were renting did the thought occur to me

A few of us have been honest with you and said… very very unlikely. Wanting a second child doesn’t tend to be a passing whim

I think there is a gulf between “passing whim” and “not being able to accept it”!

I have faith that counselling will help op and her DH to hear each other and hopefully find a decision that they can live with.

Is there any therapy that would have made you come to peace with not having a second child? Presuming you have two or more?

Life has given you 3 children, in a different way to your wants. Focus on them.
This is a beautiful sentiment.

I do have two.

But this is a situation where OP either has one baby, the DH fathers a baby he doesn’t want, or they split up, which OP has also said she doesn’t want.

So therapy may help, and is certainly worth trying. Therapy has certainly helped me deal with other hard things.

This. I don't understand why you're not happy with what sounds like a lovely family, and that you'd be willing to throw it all away for a baby that doesn't exist. I think therapy sounds like a good idea. I can't understand what another child would add to your life, but mostly I don't understand why you are thinking about while your baby is still so tiny.

“and that you'd be willing to throw it all away for a baby that doesn't exist.”

OP has repeatedly said she has no intention of leaving her husband, so where are you getting “willing to throw it all away”
from?

@Bagsundermyeyestoday then you clearly don't understand me at all and your clearly not a step parent. If you have zero empathy, it's pointless leaving a comment because saying I should just be happy is quite hurtful

@Passionfruitroulade oh really? I mean we haven't touched a penny of it but it's would take the pressure off during the non existent maternity leave I had. Due to owning my own company, pressures made me go back, all be it part time, at 12 weeks and juggling being a mum of three and running my business and keeping a house tidy is tough!

Do you have a child?