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Original poster

Worrying I am getting too old for baby number 2 - help

138 replies

ssummers · 20/02/2008 20:56

My ds is 5. I desperately want another child - maybe 2!

Because of circumstance (I am very overweight and need to loose some weight) and finances it could be another 1 year before we can start trying for our second child.

This is really effecting me. I am 33 in April and I am worrying that I am getting too old.

I need advice as to whether I am worrying over nothing. All my friends with kids are younger and this makes me feel old! lol

thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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bookwormmum · 20/02/2008 22:50

thank you.

AbbeyA · 21/02/2008 07:49

You are very young! I had my last when 40, I am by no means the oldest mum around! I think Cherie Blair was 46yrs.

MrsTittleMouse · 21/02/2008 08:07

Actually, now I come to think of it, I can see a lot of sense in having that thought at the back of your mind if it's your first. I was glad that we TTC when we did because we had a year of trying by ourselves, then a whole round of investigations, then treatment.... It does take a while to get through the system and knowing that you have an extra year or two (as you approach 40) is nice. I've been lucky and I'm now pregnant with DB2, but I know that my consultant was very keen that I didn't have a big gap due to my age, and I'm having this one before I'm really "over" the whole experience of last time because of it.

But as I said, ssummers has proven fertility, so not an issue for her.

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FrannyandZooey · 21/02/2008 08:11

Well, I don;t think you are worrying about NOTHING

when you look at the fertility rates for over 35s it does start to plummet somewhat, and many people do have problems conceiving a second child - having one child doesn't always mean you can have more

I think these days we assume we can put off having children for as long as we want - but women's fertility does decline sharply with age

however I don't think 33 is a time to worry

I am 36 and pg, btw

hanaflower · 21/02/2008 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vinegar · 21/02/2008 09:14

I think these days because we hear so much about how we shouldn't leave it too late and often know people who have been trying for yonks, it is easy to get worked up about it. The truth is until you do start you just don't know how easy/hard it will be. I had dd at 32 and wanted another one by 35. However, due to personal circumstances we didn't start trying till I was 37 and I got pregnant immediately. I feel very lucky and blessed, however I did worry for years prior to this whether it would happen at all due to my age. Obviously as you get older, it might be harder to get pregnant, but you sound like you have a good reason to wait, especially if it is healthier for you and the potential babys health if you wait and lose weight first.

spokette · 21/02/2008 09:32

I fell pregnant with my DTS when I was 38yo. Took 3 weeks! My friend is expecting her first and she is 39yo!

33 years old is like being an infant.

spokette · 21/02/2008 09:34

One of my colleagues had her first baby at 46yo!

elkiedee · 21/02/2008 09:41

Another to say I really hope you're just fine, plenty of time yet, as I had my first at 37 and am planning to start ttc again soon - if I get lucky again I may well be 40+ by the time another comes along as I was 38 last June.

I'm holding on to the two women I know with 3 kids who started as old as me, and the one in my postnatal group with #1 at 37, #2 at 41 in Jan 2007 and now pregnant with no #3 due in June (so at 42).

nospringchicken · 21/02/2008 11:00

Conceived no.4 immediately after deciding to ttc, aged 39.

motherinferior · 21/02/2008 11:26

I don't think anyone assumes you can put off conceiving forever - in fact it's hard to get away from the bombarding messages that if you dare postpone conception you're doomed to an endless, fruitless round of expensive fertility treatment yada yada yada. But plenty of us find that this is somewhat hyped.

MrsTittleMouse · 21/02/2008 11:31

I have to say that I wouldn't mind the "don't put off TTC" messages in the media if they all weren't so misogynist. If women marry later or have children later, then that's the woman's fault - as though the husband/father has no say in it! I read a dreadful piece in the Telegraph that recommended that women have children with any old soul who comes along, because it's stupid to wait for "Mr Right".
Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't remember the 1980s where the big joke was the biological clock and "ho ho ho, aren't women stupid; they are ruled by their biology and obsessed with babies". So we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

eidsvold · 21/02/2008 11:32

I had not even started having my family at 33. I was 34 when I had dd1, 36 to have dd2 and I was 38 turning 39 when I had dd3.

motherinferior · 21/02/2008 11:33

Exactly, MrsTM. I'd have had my first baby at 28 if my then partner had felt 'ready'.

orangina · 21/02/2008 11:34

I got pg with #1 at 37 (we had been trying for about... ooh, 5 minutes), and then pg again at 39, totally unexpectedly (contraceptive failure, therefore hadn't actually been trying at all).
You are a total baby at 33, don't worry at all.
I can understand that you might worry, as I was terribly concerned that I might have missed my chance, especially with media interest etc. Relax, and it will all be fine! Apart from the life change that occurs when you go from 1 child to 2 .....!

Cam · 21/02/2008 11:35

Bookwormmum I met dh2 when I was 38

Had dd2 when I was 40

Have faith

Jackstini · 21/02/2008 11:35

I was 33 when I had my first - still ttc no 2 at 35 so hope I am not too old!
You will see plenty of 'older Mums' on here so hope that assuages your worries

Piffle · 21/02/2008 11:38

I was 36 when I had ds2 and he was my 3rd!

TigerFeet · 21/02/2008 11:39

33/34 is not old!

I had dd at 30 and that was about average for my peer group. Others have gone on to have aonther but I haven't yet... I am 34 and I don't intend worrying about it for another 3 or 4 years at least.

DH will be 40 this year though. I suppose that unless he is going to retire with a teenager in the house we don't want to leave it too much longer

RGPargy · 21/02/2008 11:44

33 is young!!

I had my first child at 22 and my second child at 39, almost 40 (she's 11 weeks old). We're planning number 2 and will be TTC in December when i am 40, going on 41!

You've got YEARS yet!

Oh and i'm also very overweight but had no health probs whatsoever when i was pg with DD so it can be done!

Good luck!!

TigerFeet · 21/02/2008 12:00

Wow RGPargy that's some gap! There's 17 years between my sister and I but there are a couple of others in between.

Agree that being overweight doesn't necessarily mean there will be problems in pg, but in my case my back was murderously painful and I swelled up beachball style when pg with dd. I realise that my weight might not have had anything to do with it but if I can give myself a chance of a less miseable pregnancy if/when I have another then I think it will be better all round.

RGPargy · 21/02/2008 12:11

TF - yeah it's a massive gap, but it's worked out well.

I see your point about your back and the swelling so you are right that taking precautions such as losing weight in the first place can only be a good thing!

FrannyandZooey · 21/02/2008 18:04

Ah, I don't really read stories like that in the media / don't watch tv, so didn't know that people were feeling bombarded

I saw a chart a while back, which showed fertility going after age 35, and based my answer on that

peasoup · 21/02/2008 18:08

I had my first age 39

littlerach · 21/02/2008 18:08

My sis has just announced she is pg, and the mw has told her that she is a higher risk pregnacny due ot her age.

She is 29

My fridn had her first at 36, next at 38 ans just had her third at 40.

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