Why are gender roles viewed negatively?

[reddragon7]

I read and see so many threads and real life examples, where men and women feel the need to be “equal.” The man about to become a father, refuses to become the main earner, even when he has the means, and insists that his wife also work and contribute financially. Doesn’t this seem imbalanced to anyone, and that society is being brainwashed to accept this as the norm.

I have nothing against a woman wishing to work post-children, however, I don’t understand why society and some men put pressure on their wives to work, if she would rather stay home with the children. This has now become and expectation. If a woman is contributing financially, it is never really 50/50, as she is also doing most of the domestic work.

People condemn gender roles as though they are ancient, but seem to forget that, biologically and psychologically, women are naturally better caregivers to children. They are the ones pregnant, produce all these hormones, and better equipped to raise a child than a man. Of course, there are exceptions, but as a general fact, people seem to ignore this.

In view of all this, I believe more men should offer to be financial providers, giving women the option to not work after children, as childcare costs aren’t exactly saving them much anyway. Otherwise, it feels we are moving away from our gender roles, which may actually be more helpful in a marriage, than people make out.

What if OP had said she doesn't support interracial marriages, the way she said she doesn't support same sex ones?

This could essentially all be down to religious beliefs too though. I don't know if OP is religious though.

I also think there is some sock puppetry going on

@monsteramunch I would want to know why she doesn't agree or support them. But I personally see no issue in multi-racial relationships. I've never understood racism, makes no sense.

So you would want to know why the OP wouldn't support interracial marriages but instead of wanting to know why the OP wouldnt support homosexual marriages with the same rights as hetrosexual ones you jump to her defence because people are disagreeing with her?

Ive never understood homophobia, makes no sense

You'd want to know why she's against interracial marriage? So you'd ask her for clarity on her beliefs?

Whereas when she said she was against same sex marriage and other people challenged her on that, you felt inclined to jump in and provide her with support as you felt she was being given a hard time.

What a shame you see racism as relatively unacceptable (you'd still ask why someone was against interracial marriage before making a decision on whether they are racist, it would seem) but not homophobia.

FYI defining racism as you did upthread as 'criticising someone's skin colour' is a woefully inadequate description of a systemic issue that affects our society at every level.

Your comment about how people say everything is racist nowadays is equally telling when it comes to your understanding of the issue.

I am always interested to know people's reasons behind their views and beliefs. OP has already explained why she doesn't support homosexual marriages or relationships. She said it was to do with her culture and if that is what you have been brought up with, that is what views you will most likely hold.

If you look back at the whole thread, the OP has been called awful names and basically told she is thick, doesn't know what she is talking about etc. I suppose that made me more inclined to comment as it is not nice to read numerous people jumping on her for wanting to hold more traditional views. She has also explained it is part of her culture so who are we to question and criticise her culture? That could be construed as racist in all honesty (not meaning you, I mean in general).

It would too much to list every aspect of racism and what constitutes racism which is why I wrote it as I did. But I feel that a lot of what is not racist, is called racist these days which undermines true racism.

But I feel that a lot of what is not racist, is called racist these days which undermines true racism.

I bet you do.

I'll leave you to it.

No no actually to be accurate, the OP said she personally didnt support homosexuality, she didnt mention culture and has also made it clear she isnt religious as you have suggested a few posts ago

She has also made it clear that her 'culture' is that of parents that both expect and supported their female children to grow up and have education and careers and to keep working

And Im not sure how I am racist for not wanting someone elses culture imposed on a different country, Britain or otherwise. No one had critised the OPs rights to do as she chooses within her own relationship. The person questioning and criticising another culture (if you can call it that, as I understand it the OP is British) is in fact the OP

But thanks for generally calling us racist for challenging sexism and homophobia, whilst simultaneously complaining about people undermining racism....

@monsteramunch Not sure what the sarcastic remark is for but ok. I'll leave everyone to it on the thread.

@Mycathatesmecuddling Ok let's leave if there. Have a nice evening.

Oh yes, as a mixed race bisexual woman I always have a nice evening after being taken to task for challenging homophobia and being called racist (generally 🙄) for it. Thanks.

@Mycathatesmecuddling I said that people criticising a culture is racist. Do you not think so?

I think that people saying they 'don't support homosexuality' are homophobic. Do you not?

@monsteramunch That doesn't answer my question and is evading what I asked.

You mean where the OP has repeatedly criticised the British culture?

Because if you can point to criticism of another specific culture on here please do point it out

@Mycathatesmecuddling Her beliefs are based on her culture which she has explained. Yet said beliefs are being torn to pieces so her culture is essentially being disparaged.

It is not racist to criticise aspects of culture that systematically discriminate against certain groups. There are usually plenty of active voices within those cultures protesting against that discrimination. Are those voices not deserving of our support.

Take the current situation in Iran, for example. It would be easy to argue that forcing Iranian women to wear headscarves is a cultural practice. Is it therefore racist to express solidarity with those Iranian women who want to push back against this restriction?

The OP doesn't want to disclose which country her parents are from, and that's fine, but having lived and worked in several Asian countries, I can't think of a single one which doesn't have an active feminist movement pushing back against the patriarchal norms.

Saying that something is beyond reproach just because it's "cultural" fails to account for the diversity of opinion within cultures. It's a cop-out, designed to shut down debate and discussion.

Disagreeing with someone isn't attacking them.

So it's okay for her to disparage the British culture then? But not for us to disagree with her (like the OP you use very evocative language for people disagreeing with her, torn apart sounds rather like the uproar etc of the OP) or else we are disparaging her culture?

The OP has continously said she is looking for other peoples opinions. Yet if we give them we are apparently racist.

@SouthLondonMum22 You are absolutely right but more than simply disagreeing has taken place here.

We all have reasons behind why we hold certain beliefs and I feel it's important to consider those reasons.

I feel that mine and other comments towards me are going round in circles which is bound to happen when people disagree.

We will all have to agree to disagree.

Oh and for full disclosure Bepis, I am mixed race British and Asian

So unless you are also Asian, perhaps I might ask you why you think you have the right to tell me whether or not I can have an opinion on an Asian culture? Because if you are going to throw around accusations of racism...

@Bepis

I said that people criticising a culture is racist

Firstly if that's your definition then you might want to have a word with OP, who openly criticises British social norms throughout the thread and explains she thinks they are unfair and worse for women:

My family are not from a British background, so I come from a background where it is normal for traditional set ups and realised it’s very rare, or even seen as odd in the UK. I guess to me, it seemed fair, as it allows the woman the relax in her home and not have financial pressure. And in my experience, women have enjoyed this better.

I don't think that's racist of her, as I think criticising elements of any society can be done in a healthy not racist way. But by your definition, she's being racist for doing so.

Secondly, criticising a culture is not automatically racist. When you hear people discussing the Taliban's barbaric rule and the way women are treated by the Taliban authorities, do you think it's racist?