DD really hates washing her hair - desperate for ideas

[Mummynew08]

DD is 2y8m and she really, really, really hates washing her hair.

She is neutral/happy about going in the bath but she always says "we aren't washing my hair today [are we]?!" before getting in, and isn't happy in the bath unless we tie up her hair (which indicates we aren't about to wash it). When we wash it, she screams in discomfort as if we are torturing her.

We have tried EVERYTHING (well obvs not literally otherwise I wouldn't be here asking for more ideas!). Warmer water, colder water. Shower vs bath. Shower in the bath. Using a cup to pour water over. At her suggestion, using a wet flannel on her hair instead of cup or shower: we tried that a few times and she still hated it and it took way longer so the torture lasted longer.

DH reckons we shouldn't do it when she's getting upset as she'll just associate it with being upset - sounds reasonable except that means we keep putting it off. We dropped to once a week then once every two weeks. (We take care to tie it back when she's eating or doing messy play so it stays fairly clean but tbh after two weeks it really needs a wash).

We've tried talking to her about it when nowhere near the bath or bathtime. "Dd why don't you like washing your hair, what can we do to make it nicer for you". She sobbed as soon as we brought it up. We calmed her down and she suggested we put loud audiobooks/peppa music on so she can't hear the water, and give her treats. She said shower (not bath) so it's quicker.

Today, we hadn't done it for nearly three weeks. We put on her fave audiobook on loud. I arranged a plate of sweet treats and put it on display ready. We got her undressed and she's already begging not to do it and sobbing. I hugged her, got the shower the right temp, stepped her under the jet and washed it as quick as I could like 10 seconds. She was literally trembling in distress and sobbing like she was in pain and I felt like I was torturing her. Then I quickly passed her out to DH to get dry before drying myself and then drying her hair together.

How can we make this better?! Please wise mums help us.

Sorry for the essay (I'm a bit emotional) - TLDR: my toddler really hates hair washing, wtf do we do...!

Listening to your child isn't pandering but not washing their hair for 3 weeks is neglect

We solved this problem by washing DD's hair with her fully dressed lying on the draining board in the kitchen sink with a jug. No idea why this worked, but it did!

No it isn’t. Plenty of people don’t wash their children’s hair. My dc wash frequently but I know several friends of theirs who only wash hair once a month and are perfectly clean. Also know plenty of adults who are ‘no poo’ - no shampoo. All perfectly presentable and hygienic. It’s not neglectful at all.

My son - not yet three- can’t stand to have his hair washed. He has v straight hair in a long bowl cut - doesn’t tangle but not so short that it doesn’t ever get anything in it.

my policy has been to really radically reduce hair washing. Unless it’s actually dirty (has stuff in it) or he smells too much like a baby fox or it’s before a big event then does he really need it? His hair doesn’t look greasy because his body doesn’t produce that kind of sebum yet, it doesn’t get tangled, so why add another thing to fight about? I don’t think it makes him any less hygenic - human hair isn’t meant to be washed so often!

at 2y8m how necessary is a frequent hair wash? I have friends who wash their children’s hair every day - but why rush what will be necessary when they are teens?

when we have to wash it we have now found that it’s much easier if mummy or daddy are in the bath too. He even wanted to wash daddy’s hair the other day.

Hi hi just wanted to thank you all for your tips! DH suggested I should report back in case anyone with a similar issue stumbles on this thread and wants to hear how we got on.

So we went swimming lots over the Easter break, and DD started to enjoy it and ask to go again. She still kept her head out of the water but didn't mind so much if it got splashed. However, we tried washing it again and it was a total meltdown again: I tried to power thru matter of factly and it really made it so much worse, a full on panic from her. So some progress but we weren't there yet.

Then the shower visor thing arrived and at the same time my (fab) MIL came for the weekend, so I bigged up this idea to DD that we would "wash your hair the special Granny way". (MIL didn't know this in advance lol I just sprang it on her but she was cool about it). By coincidence she'd brought a pair of water pistols for DD as a present. MIL had never seen a shower visor before but agreed to play along that it was all her idea. I figured DD might try extra hard to be brave around MIL as a less familiar person.

So, picture the scene, MIL, DH and I were all sitting/standing around the bath getting absolutely soaked by the water pistols, turns out DD has unerring aim for one so young. We clipped on the visor and DD was on the verge of freaking out but she was being successfully distracted...she whimpered/shuddered a bit when we wet her hair but MIL said "doesn't that feel nice?" And DD was too polite to say no. So we did it! Shampooed and rinsed! Fresh as a daisy!

I've hidden the pistols to save them as a hairwashing-only toy but hoping we'll phase them out after a couple more times. MIL plus the visor was the winning formula I think. Obvs MIL won't be there next time but I can always call the visor "the Granny way".

So thanks again everyone for your supportive comments and tips, hoping we've got a solution that'll keep working xxx

That's a great update OP!

We cracked toilet training when MIL came to stay. She just had to cheer every time DD managed it 😀

Way too many comments for me to read them all, so I don't know if this has already been suggested, but we used something similar to this (was from eBay). Absolutely fantastic. My daughter hated her hair being washed and would scream the house down but once we bought one of these there was never any tears

Maybe set up a video call with MIL next time she has a hair wash, so Granny can encourage her?

Ah thanks for the update op!

Honestly it sounds as though you’ve made big steps to cracking this issue with your daughter!

My DD used to hate having her hair washed.. she'd scream blue murder. She hates having water go over her face and is scared of it going.into her ears.or eyes. We got one of those shower caps which stop water running down your face that someone mentioned and they helped a little.

Another thing that helped was telling her a story while washing her hair (she'd still scream during the actual washing but at least would be willing to get into the bath tub for the sake of hearing the story). I think the first story was about a little girl who was afraid of washing her hair...Using a bath mug rather than the shower head also helped.

She is six now and still hates it but it's manageable. It flares up if we don't wash her hair frequently. The more regularly we wash it the calmer she is. She also struggles while swimming with water going on her face by the way so I think it's worth trying to sort this problem now as it's definitely held my DD back with swimming.

Also, at 2.5 I'd probably just cut her hair to make it easier. My DD refuses to cut her hair short.

Other things that might help:

1. Let her pour water from the cup or hold the shower head or put shampoo. Anything that makes her feel more.in control
2. Let her wash a doll's or teddy's hair while you are doing hers.
3. Lots of water play / playing in the bath tub
4. We had two bath toys and I'd pretend play with her while she was playing in the bath tub. One of them loved water and the other was afraid of it and cried. She usually ended up reassuring the crying one and telling it that it's not so bad. I think that helped as well.
5. Something I saw on super nanny was to.put a poster or stickers up on the ceiling above the tub for kids to look at whole washing their hair. DD never really properly looks up so in our case I think that would help.
6. Take her shopping and let her pick out the shampoo.