16 year old refuses to meet my partner

[sincerity]

I have been with my partner 7 months we are very happy. His 13 year old daughter has accepted me and enjoys me staying over.

My son is 16 and is stilll refusing to say hi. He has ignored him when they have crossed paths at my house. He said he will never ever meet him.

This stems from trauma from my previous partner who was emotionally abusive, controlling and killed our cat.

I stayed single for 5 years afterward and this is almost 6 years ago.

He had some counselling at time then refused to go. I have offered him counselling again but he refuses.

My partner and I would like to move in together in 2 years time. My son will then be 18.5 years old.

How would you approach this. I have tried everything. All I want him to do is say hi.

Thanku xx

Your son has had a horrifically brutal life, with 2 abusive males inflicted on him, trauma, the murder of his pet. He should be centred and prioritised above anything else. The new boyfriend is irrelevant, date him on your own time, your son is happy for you but wants nothing to do with your new bloke, rightly so. Respect that, and keep your dating life separate to your child.

No red flags you say? 🚩

1. He introduced his young teen daughter to you very early on in the relationship.

1. He is talking about living with you after only 7 months.

1. He doesn’t back off when your son doesn’t even want to say hello to him, this is in your son’s own home. Any decent man would do this, instead of rushing things. This shows poor judgement on his side too, not just yours.

Yes. The red flags are flying high. That the people in your life claim they are not means you either aren’t listening to them or you have a habit of surrounding yourself with people with poor judgment

You need to have a serious rethink about this.

Your son sounds traumatised and needs support to try to get over what happened with your previous partner, not to be forced to deal with a new one...

He would benefit from some psychological support/therapy and that's where your focus should be. I would keep suggesting that he tries to speak to someone and try to find the right therapist. He might react better to a new series of sessions if it is with someone he can connect with.

But back to you: you have known this man for 7 months only and you are already planning your future with him. That just isn't wise, considering that your last relationship was such a disaster.

It takes a while to see what a person is really like and I think it is foolish to describe him as your partner at this stage and you should be more cautious.

I would take more time to get to know this man and just enjoy dating without overthinking things and stop pressuring your kid into getting involved in interacting with him at this stage.

If it helps at all I've also been dating someone for 7 months and my 16 yo is decidedly unhappy about it. I only have my kids every other week so it doesn't impact him like it does your kid - no plans at all for them to meet. I assume you have your son 100% as does your bf - sounds tricky.

How important is it to you to have a relationship with your son? Because after 7 months you can't be sure that your boyfriend isn't abusive. If you keep misjudging people you could end up losing contact with your son when he gets older. You need to put him first and take dating slow. Much slower than you are doing. It doesn't matter that you've been singkr for x years if you then go hard into the next wrong relationship.

But I'm guessing that you don't want to listen, since you're not responding to this thread.

You need to have a serious rethink about this.

Never. Going. To. Happen.

Sadly

Why on earth do you want to move in with the guy so soon OP. You inflicted trauma into his life through your other partner and now you want to do it all again? This is what he will be thinking