To feel ashamed for being a sahm

[Woodward23]

Just seen a ex co-worker of mine in the supermarket. We worked together in 2016 but then the business went into administration and we was made unemployed i was just about to go on to maternity at that point and with already having a 3year old it was much more practical + I wanted to be at home more with the children so became a sahm.

Fast forward 6 years one child is now nearly 7 my other one is 9 both in primary school and I'm still in the same position

She said
-what you doing now , so are you still a sahm. It just was the tone it was said

I said yes i do some volunteering at school but thats pretty much its made me feel really ashamed now.

Is it that bad to be a sahm with primary school age kids ?

My oh works weekends and then you've got the school holidays/sickness with no familyaround that we would be willing to ask to help out and I don't drive, it just still doesn't seem practical to go back full time however I would like to find something term time and am actively looking . Just feel really miserable am I alone here?

Can you afford it? Do you feel fulfilled by the volunteering and family life? If yes, then it's fine, it's just a phase of your life, try to not feel ashamed.

Its nobody else’s business but your own.

Honestly, own it. It’s fine. Just ‘yeah it’s great, how’s work?’

You don’t have to justify it!

If that was her intention then she is rude.
Your life choices are fully valid. Take no notice.

Yep we do really well money wise with me not working obviously itd be helpful if I did in that way but its not needed and we don't go without
I do feel fulfilled i do find it lonely though but we do have a new young dog who keeps me busy now and I always think its bad that I'm not setting an example for the kids however they then have me available to go to every school event and see them do things and do the school runs

IME people who are happy with their choice to be a SAHM don't worry about what other people say about it.

So it might be worth you considering why her comment affected you? Do you feel that maybe you would like to do something different? Are you feeling as though you ended up as a SAHM by default and weren't ever really that fussed about it?

I think if you want to do it and can then you shouldn't be ashamed. I always remember my mum was at home all the time when I was growing up and it was lovely and I still remember it now as it was so comforting to have her constant presence. I'm also a Sahm to two children at school, so I do understand what you mean. Just think about it from your children's perspective.

My dc's are 15 & 10, and I have been a sahm all my 10 years old life, we also don't have any family help. The way I see it is I will get a job when they go to secondary school. You are in an amazing position you are able to go to anything your kids school/ clubs put on. You are there every time your kids are ill, you can spend all the holidays with them. I am very thankful I am in a place where I am able to do all this cos unfortunately kids grown up very quickly. Don't worry about what others think. The only issue I see is if you want to go back to work, If you do you should definitely look in to it, but if not enjoy this time with your babies it's over far to quickly 😢

i’d judge you (but not out loud). But then I see women who make themselves financially vulnerable in my line of work by doing this which makes me fucking mad. I wouldn’t want this for my daughter. Of course I am completely biased and probably unreasonable.

I’d bloody love to be a SAHM. I wouldn’t judge you but I’d be envious.

unicornsparkle1000 said what I was going to say, only I didn’t go back to work, I did for a short while but with no family nearby to help we decided it wasn’t worth the stress on us and at times colleagues. We are now happily retired and making the most of our time now they are in uni. It can work.

She can always go back to work later... She can and wants to be at home with her kids while young I can understand that. She probably worked before kids,. Kids don't stay kids forever.

Her opinion really doesn’t matter.

You can’t let other people’s issues get in on you. If you worked you’d be thinking coworkers are thinking ‘oh she gets to leave to pick up kids’ for example. When I was a sahm the most common question was ‘when do you think you’ll start working’ or people would say ‘I’d love to be able to afford not to work.’ They ignored when I explained we couldn’t afford financially for me to work because of the cost of childcare and the commute. Now I work people ask do I think the kids miss out not being able to do x, y or z or they say ‘oh that’s tough on the kids, isn’t it?’ They’re all just words and doing something you don’t want to do just because of someone who has no part in your everyday situation would be a mistake (and they wouldn’t even know!!) Do what suits your family and smile, nod and let it go out the other ear!

Just to add i worked before I was made redundant for 9years even went back to work when the youngest was born after maternity ended however Partner was on different hours then so I was able to work weekends and nights and it wasn't really an issue

Do whatever works for you. Maybe she felt defensive as some of the nastiest comments come from SAHPs. Just search through any of the threads recently about the increase in free nursery hours and you’ll see that apparently working mothers are selfish

and raise kids with attachment issues and mental health problems 🤷🏻‍♀️

Taken no notice. People always deflect. She was probably jealous you get to be a SAHM and counteracted that with a snippy comment.
There's a saying that anything that makes you happy should not need an explanation.
Live your best happy life and don't give her another second of your mind space.

For balance I work and wish I could be a SAHM I'd love it. My kids fulfil me more than a job can.

Wouldn't hurt to have a little part time job. There are jobs out that that a flexible and fit around you. I know because I worked in them for the best part of 20 years. I do think it's quite bad once they are at school

Unfortunately women get judged no matter what they do when it comes to parenting. Usually by other women.

If you want to be a SAHM, be a SAHM and if you don't then don't.

If it's what works for your family, then I don't think you have any reason to feel ashamed. That said, I don't think you should be justifying it because you have no cover in the event of one of your DC being sick. Plenty of families with working parents manage in this situation.

I don’t think it’s bad. Taking care of children and being around for them is a wonderful thing to be able to do. You do have to consider what sort of financial position you’d be in if your partner up and left though.

They’re only young for a blink of an eye so do what works for you and your family. I have been a sahm and a working mum. Both hard in their own way. Trying to sort child care when the childminder went away or when the kids were sick was a nightmare.
Do what works for you there is plenty of time to work!!

Don't feel ashamed of being a SAHM. I didn't go back to work properly until 2nd son was 15! (He had health problems). Like you, I helped out at their primary school, then I did the odd bar/cleaning/shop job, in the evenings when my husband was home from work.

Your ex-colleague might not have meant anything by what she said (so what if she did? Don't bother, it's not her business.

I occasionally feel bad because I don't work - I'm almost 64 and am registered disabled, following a stroke 18 months ago. An ex-colleague told me how lucky I am not to go to work. I told her she's lucky not to have had a stroke

You should feel proud to be a sahm, nothing to be ashamed of at all.