To feel ashamed for being a sahm

[Woodward23]

Just seen a ex co-worker of mine in the supermarket. We worked together in 2016 but then the business went into administration and we was made unemployed i was just about to go on to maternity at that point and with already having a 3year old it was much more practical + I wanted to be at home more with the children so became a sahm.

Fast forward 6 years one child is now nearly 7 my other one is 9 both in primary school and I'm still in the same position

She said
-what you doing now , so are you still a sahm. It just was the tone it was said

I said yes i do some volunteering at school but thats pretty much its made me feel really ashamed now.

Is it that bad to be a sahm with primary school age kids ?

My oh works weekends and then you've got the school holidays/sickness with no familyaround that we would be willing to ask to help out and I don't drive, it just still doesn't seem practical to go back full time however I would like to find something term time and am actively looking . Just feel really miserable am I alone here?

There is no right or wrong. With the only exception being 'are you married' ..that's it.

If you are then crack on with what's best for you and family.

If not. Then you honestly need your head examined.

The important thing is to keep reassessing if what you are doing works for you as a family now. DH and I both went PT when DD1 was born but since then we have both changed our jobs and our hours multiple times as the DC grew. In particular we had a major reassessment when our youngest started school and I had a promotion.

It sounds like you aren't entirely happy with the situation at the moment and are actively looking to change it by applying for jobs. Which is probably why you felt judged. Keep looking and you'll get something to suit you and your family. But make sure a) your DH steps up at home and with the DC when you get a job and b) you pay for help at home like a cleaner and gardener.

This is all you need to know.
Very very sad but how many times do people need to be told ?

Separating not married www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4765018-separating-not-married

This made me laugh so much....it says more about you than it does about SAHMs

I don't sit at work thinking people at home are just sat there watching TV.

Did you read that the OP is out volunteering?

OP said she can support herself. She's out there volunteering for now which is keeping her CV up to date.

Why do people with lack of reading comprehension bother with Mumsnet? You'll only ever make yourself look like an idiot....

100% agree with this!

Work full time: why did you even have kids if your never with them

I was actually asked this in an interview for a full time job when my DC were at Primary school.

Another little lesson for you all is that not everywhere in the UK has progressed to "women at work" or "Mums at work" and even worse, there are areas that don't "approve" of Part Time working.

I live in one of those areas and I applied for over 100 jobs before finding ONE part time role. Which had over a hundred applicants...

Recruitment agencies here are not afraid to tell you that having children has ruined your career. They'll just come out and say it.

I’m back working a lot now in a job linked to my degree and post grad but I’m so so glad I spent lots of time with my dcs when they were babies and toddlers. It one of the things I am most proud of and definitely no regrets . I did freelance work when they were small but around them.
I absolutely hate crèches and nurseries for dcs under 3 , when I took a year before university I worked in a few and they were all hands-down awful ( weren’t even bad ones) , young , bored staff, children bored out of their minds all day and inside way too long , constant illness, staff resentful over pay and doing work like changing nappies etc, I found it extremely common . This was pre having my own dcs, I also am wary of childminders as I’m in Ireland and they are largely unregulated and I’ve heard of awful cases involving dcs in childminders homes with other adults. Young children who can’t speak are hugely vulnerable and that first 3 years is so important.
That said we had/have zero family help so I get how difficult it is to work and have to use childcare, I totally understand so no judgment just very much a personal choice If you aren’t working I would set up a pension account for you and pay in every week. There’s nothing wrong with being a sahp which is a ridiculous name as most “sahp” I know are out and about , hugely active , in nature more than any parents I know.
I am happy to be back working and it’s a very interesting, rewarding job and the money is really helpful especially now but tbh I’m surprised I’m not happier working loads or more fulfilled . We have no family support and with primary aged dcs it isn’t isn’t easy juggling everything between each other and tbh it’s quite stressful. At the end of the day I think we’ll both adjust things in the future as we only have one life and I’d rather have less money and more time now when we are healthy and active. However I went from minding small dcs constantly and hitting ground running with a challenging job once they were all in school so now being a sahp looks fab with all that time while they are in school !!
I had it for two weeks pre job and it was amazing , went running and had time to do loads, loads of time to clean , cool etc. The rush of constant working and family life isn’t always ideal tbh. I also think there’s a huge divide between those who have family support and those who don’t , a lot of ppl I work with now have help from family even ones who don’t have regular help have someone to take them if they are sick and can’t go to school, it’s another world for those who have no backup.
The woman judging you is obviously not happy , ppl who are happy with their one lives don’t do this.

I could very easily fill my time if not working and overall would prob be less stress for my dh and me. There’s so much to do !! Im even lucky that I’ve school holidays but have lots of extra work to do re my job from home but we would find it very difficult in Ireland if I didn’t - much shorter school days here and to give an example our secondary schools all have 3 months off!!!

I agree

The person interviewing had no right at all the question why you want to work. How unprofessional.

I'm not sure what type of jobs you were applying for if you was going through recruitment agencies but I think once children start primary school it is incredibly hard to find work within school hours. More so if you are not already working for a company and are able to request a flexible working pattern.