My daydreaming scares my toddler?

[4EyesandBigThighs]

Anyone else’s kids get absolutely panicked when they spot you ‘zoning out’ - I can feel when I’m doing it, and my semi conscious knows when she’s watch me and starts to cry and tell me to stop it but it still takes me a few seconds to come out of it. I just tell her I’m ‘thinking’ as I don’t think she’ll understand daydreaming. But I find it bizarre that we staring blankly at one spot makes her so panicked?!

I don't think it could actually be normal or safe for people not to daydream. It's an integral part of being human and essential for rest, creativity,processing, and so forth.

Also, all this omg it isn't safe to zone out hoo-harr...umm... don't mist mothers survive in a semi-psychotic, sleep-deprived haze for the first few years? This isn't safe for mothers or for children, but it's a political issue not a medical one, as society is structured so that families and communities don't look after babies together, instead leaving it to the parents to juggle it with work somehow.

If OP is simply zoning out in a daydream or letting her thoughts flow while her toddler plays, this isn't anything to worry about.

Perhaps resting-daydreamer-face is scary, though? Noticed my own reflection the other day when I was happily musing away...eek!

A non-motherly face might look scarily different to a tot?

I agree, some people really don't understand the importance of a good daydream 🤤

I am slightly blown away that so many people see this as abnormal, I've always done this and genuinely thought most people did? Exactly as others are saying, a sort of relaxed eyes staring into space, aware of everything but slightly zoned out? I also would put it somewhere between voluntary and involuntary, in that I can sort of allow it to happen, but if I'm tired it sometimes happens without me realising. I wouldn't call it daydreaming though as usually my mind goes pleasantly blank- it's actually a lovely feeling 😂 I reckon it happens at least once a day, more when I'm tired, but not when I'm actively doing something else. Now that I think about it, my husband notices when I do it but he doesn't do it himself. I have long wondered if I have ADHD so interesting to hear it could be related.

It scares your child so I wouldn't do it.

Blimey, I love a daydream. I did it at work today during lunch. I could hear people chatting in the staff room around me, the shrieks of children outside, toilets flushing etc but I was relaxed, eyes unfocused and thinking about Cyrano de Bergerac and the power of the spoken word/speeches and who would win in a battle of wits between Cyrano and various other orators. It's such a simple joy. People always think I'm sad/cross as I have RBF and am sitting v still usually, but I'm usually very happy. It's definitely not maladaptive in my case, it's a happy space. DS never likes me doing it btw as he says I look "so sad".

My step daughter has, for many years been able to enter a similar state voluntarily. She can walk around and still hear what's going on around her. Her description would be very similar to yours I can't remember why, but,she was sent to a neurologist for a check up for something else and they detected these episides are definitely a form of petit mal epileptic seizure. She has never had any reason to be concerned about them and they cause no change in her life, they have just been given a cause and reason.
OP, I understand you aren't concerned but what you describe really is not usual, you're happy and it is not a problem to you, but mention it to your gp, as something as simple as a tiny pill a day could stop it happening again, or stop it progressing to a full blown grand mal seizure. Hopefully they will agree with you and send you merrily on your way.

I also do it and have ADHD.

I also had maladaptive daydreaming when I was younger where I'd daydream for a long time (could be hours) and sometimes talk out loud, almost acting out the daydream. Not when others were around, although sometimes I'd be so wrapped up in my daydream I would worry I'd said things out loud.

Honestly, I do this a few times a week, easily. My mind doesn’t daydream though, if anything it actually thinks about nothing while it’s happening, but it’s a much needed nothingness.

Im not sure why people are getting so stressed about the fact that it upsets the child. All the OP has to do is tell them that they were daydreaming and it’s nothing to worry about. The child isn’t in danger, you can bring yourself out of the daydream if needed.
It’s no wonder we’re heading for a society where people have got no resilience. Children should not be wrapped up in cotton wool and everyone’s behaviour adapted so that they never experience occasional feelings of concern. Rather than shield children from these things, just explain it. It’s all part of helping them to grow and become well rounded humans. Telling someone not to occasionally daydream because it scares their child is just ridiculous and the reason why we have schools full of children who can’t cope with anything life throws at them.

I daydream a lot but don't zone out ever. I don't think it's one or the other. If I'm walking the dogs for example I'll often daydream. I talk to myself as well. When my dcs were small I'd read a lot rather than daydream for a mental break. They weren't bothered by this.

I wouldn't call it daydreaming but, particularly when I'm tired, I find my eyes fix on something and lose focus. I'm totally aware of everything about me, what people are saying, etc, but it's a real drag to break what I'm doing. When I know I have to stop, I blink and it breaks contact, and I'm back to normal.
I thought it happened to everyone. 😁

@MarshaMelrose, that’s exactly what it’s like for me, and I assumed everyone did it! It’s sort of like a micro sleep- like your brain is getting some needed rest but you’re completely conscious and aware of what’s going on around you.

Totally agree!!!
We apparently can’t daydream, hoover or who knows what else in case it scares the children?! How about just telling them that daydreaming is normal? And that hoovering is a just a machine that picks up dust and we have to do it.

Lol

Ive done that daydreaming stuff when I’m exhausted.
Keeping myself occupied wouldn’t have helped the exhaustion….

Love how many people can diagnose absence epilepsy over a mn post but the drs need to use eeg…

I have absence epilepsy. Diagnosed using eeg. I have no awareness of a seizure happening and will be totally thrown if anything changes (ie me or someone else moving/leaving the room)

It is nothing like the op describes, which I also do, zoning into your own thoughts with peripheral awareness and the ability to be roused.

And it is funny when toddler are scared by stupid stuff. It’s not ok to scare them for a laugh but it’s ok to carry on normal behaviour like hoovering, day dreaming or wearing your hair in a ponytail while supporting them to deal with their fears.

Developmentally a parent cutting off all reaction and facial responses is scary for a young child not an irrational fear....it's not normal behaviour to freeze or zone out when your caring for children and if you have no control over it a medical opinion is safest what would happen when you're driving for example. There are a wide variety of norms in absence seizures including some awareness of what's going on around you as you go in and come out which could be mistaken for not being aware for a second or more.

being scared of the hoover is developmentally normal as the noise hurts their ears

Todders are scared of lots of things and they soon work it out with a loving family to support them.

If ops brain has learned to daydream
to process she doesn’t need to stop that she needs to inoculate her toddler against it so they don’t find it scary anymore.

No one in any of my epilepsy support groups has ever described what you claim but carry on dr, I’m sure you know it all

I get your trying to minimise the effect of something your child can see which is out of your control but that doesn't mean it doesn't scare a child or that it's not a normal developmental response to be upset when a parent suddenly removes any response from you...the same as if you were with someone who suddenly became unresponsive but you would know they might be ill.
Just because you have one set of experiences does not mean it's the only set to have. Some absences are so short the individual isn't even aware of them. I don't belittle your experience why belittle mine?

It's definitely normal. But to answer your question about why it panics her so much, it will be because she doesn't understand it. My mum did it when I was a kid and it also used to scare me! I remember her doing it at the top of the stairs once and I was actually scared of her as if she was a demon or something 😂 it was because I didn't understand why she was just staring at nothing and not moving. She didn't look like my mum because her eyes were unfocused. If I see anyone doing that now I just instantly know they are lost in thought. But at that age you don't know.

It hasn't traumatised me, I understand now that she was just thinking about something. Kids get scared of all sorts. I also used to cry and scream when my mum went out wearing a long coat because it would billow out behind her in the wind and I would think she was going to fly off in the air like Mary Poppins!!

You don’t belittle my experience? Said in the same breathe as ‘you’re just minimising because you do it’

Righto Dr…

Toddlers are scared of lots of things, part of parenting is showing them which fears are rational and which are not.

Parents are not service droids to their children. They exist with them when they’re at their best fun mum and at their worst pits of depression. Whatever happens to be their lot they have to grow and adapt to deal with it.

Teaching ops kid it’s funny as opposed to scary when mummy is daydreaming is a lot more practical and kind for the toddler than trying to medicalise the op for letting her mind wander when looking after a toddler.
Just because an illness exisits doesnt mean you can diagnose someone with it based on their mn posts