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Original poster

My daydreaming scares my toddler?

144 replies

4EyesandBigThighs · 12/03/2023 21:16

Anyone else’s kids get absolutely panicked when they spot you ‘zoning out’ - I can feel when I’m doing it, and my semi conscious knows when she’s watch me and starts to cry and tell me to stop it but it still takes me a few seconds to come out of it. I just tell her I’m ‘thinking’ as I don’t think she’ll understand daydreaming. But I find it bizarre that we staring blankly at one spot makes her so panicked?!

OP posts:

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GlassBunion · 13/03/2023 16:55

I was just going to say @Haffiana , maladaptive daydreaming.

OP please Google it.

Perfect28 · 13/03/2023 16:57

I don't think most people daydream to the extent where they zone out and definitely not when you need to be focused and present, ie in charge of a child. Perhaps visit a gp?

Perfect28 · 13/03/2023 16:59

You think it's funny that it scares your child? That is worrying too.

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Axahooxa · 13/03/2023 17:05

I wonder if you could get someone to narrate what is happening- so your daughter could see it’s nothing to worry about. This could happen a few times, then repeated every so often, so she can see you’re ok and just thinking. You could tell her what to do to get your attention in a calmer way at that point too, so it’s a more positive interaction for you both.

Axahooxa · 13/03/2023 17:07

I definitely daydream -to the point of zoning out -when looking after kids at home, because I get bored.

Hotvimto3 · 13/03/2023 17:08

You could have adhd

2bazookas · 13/03/2023 17:09

Maybe you are having absence seizures you're unaware of?

www.epilepsy.com/what-is-epilepsy/seizure-types/absence-seizures#What-is-an-absence-seizure?

"Typical Absence SeizuresThese seizures are the most common.The person suddenly stops all activity. It may look like he or she is staring off into space or just has a blank look.The eyes may turn upwards and eyelids flutter.
The seizures usually last less than 10 seconds."

Hotvimto3 · 13/03/2023 17:09

I have adhd and i do this a lot

Embelline · 13/03/2023 17:12

I zone out sometimes but not as you describe and my toddler doesn’t notice because it’s literally for a second or
two.
the fact that she notices would suggest to
me that you are unresponsive and for longer than you think. I’m not sure this can be classed as normal daydreaming? But I’m no expert…

Cas112 · 13/03/2023 17:18

You literally must be doing it for ages to scare your child. When I zone out I snap straight back if something/someone catches my attention

jannier · 13/03/2023 17:23

Sounds more like absence seizures I'd talk to my gp

jannier · 13/03/2023 17:24

4EyesandBigThighs · 13/03/2023 13:08

So I’ve been having this conversation with my family this morning and me, my mum, my brother and his wife all do the exact same thing so I think it’s pretty normal 🤓

You can have hereditary absence seizures a form of epilepsy it's definitely not normal and dangerous

AviMav · 13/03/2023 17:26

4EyesandBigThighs · 13/03/2023 15:57

@MyriadOfTravels Exactly this.

I’m not arguing with anybody, I’ve had to state more than once that there is nothing wrong with me, yet there are still posters suggesting I’m a danger to my child, and that this MUST be the cause of something.

to the poster who questioned being tired. I am always tired! But you could say it happens more easily when I am tired perhaps? I’ve never really thought about it hard enough to compare how I feel to when I’m doing it.

someone asked how I know how long I’m doing it for… as if I’m zoning out at dusk and coming out of it at dawn 🙄 - I know it’s only second because when though I’m blankly staring I’m well away of my surroundings while I’m thinking, I can hear everything and see whatever’s in my peripheral vision.

I obviously don’t do it on purpose to scare DD, although when she first shouted at me for it I did do it again to see if it really was that that she was getting worked up about.

DD is 3yo.

I asked if it happens to anyone else, not for the MN doctors to magically diagnose a stranger over the internet and get insinuations of crap parenting because my 3 year old doesn’t like it if I don’t blink periodically 😅🤓

You don't go deaf when you zone out. If you wave in front of most people they will snap out of it. Why did you post if you are not willing to seek a GP? For you to post here speaks volumes you know it's more than what you are saying... other wise there would be no post in the first place. Numerous people are trying to help and you are just making excuses.

AngelinaFibres · 13/03/2023 17:27

4EyesandBigThighs · 13/03/2023 10:49

@BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers quite fast I’m not ‘stuck’ like it and I’m completely aware when I’m doing it, I’m just sort of.. deep in thought? 😂 it’s usually when I am thinking about something specifically. I don’t blink while I do it. DP knows when I’m doing it and he’s not concerned, nor am I.. It’s in no way a danger - it’s not really involuntary.. I wouldn’t just start staring into space while doing something else like cooking, cleaning, talking ect. It’s definitely just a thought thing as it only happens when I’m sat quietly and thinking of something. Like I’ve just done it when think about what to reply to all of this.

but I repeat.. not a danger. Not a seizure. Nothing to worry about. I just don’t get why DD is so frightened of it 😂 maybe it’s the blank stare and no blinking probably does look a bit creepy? 😅

Perhaps you should get your husband to film you in the daydream and the coming out of it so you can see exactly what your daughter sees. Thst might change your opinion.
My brother has type 1 diabetes. He had no idea what his hypos looked like to us and felt everyone was making a massive fuss over nothing. I was there when he had a bad one. His wife brought him out of it as usual. I filmed him. He watched it, once he had completely recovered. He had no idea how awful they can be to witness. He has not complained about people making a fuss since.

ManchesterGirl2 · 13/03/2023 17:28

It could be dissociation or maladaptive daydreaming. Do you have any trauma in your background?

It's scary for her because it's like responsive mummy's gone away.

mymeatballsmymeatballs · 13/03/2023 17:37

Oh my god, I do this! I've always called it being in a trance. I do it more when I'm tired and I can snap out of it whenever I want but I like the feeling😂I think I do it more when I'm tired because I feel like I'm resting my eyes during it😆

waterlego · 13/03/2023 17:41

I’m with the OP and @Barkcloth. I don’t find this strange at all. Isn’t this just what we mean when we say ‘away with the fairies’, ‘staring into space’, ‘head in the clouds’ or whatever?

I do it- mostly when I’m tired. I almost certainly did it when my kids were little and I was a) tired most of the time and b) sometimes bored with repetitive play.

If my kids had been scared of it (they weren’t) I might have tried to avoid doing it, but I might also have hoped that exposure would help them to get over the fear. When a kid has an irrational fear of something very everyday, ordinary and not dangerous, it’s not really realistic to avoid that trigger completely and forever.

Zaliea · 13/03/2023 17:42

I used to do this as a child and still do now. My parents were concerned so I had ECG tests etc and they all came back clear - no epilepsy, I wasn't having seizures, I was just daydreaming/thinking.

I am someone who gets lost in my thoughts when I have a moment to myself and I think about things and the mind wanders. Like you, I am still aware of my surroundings but I usually have quite a dead looking expression and unfocused she's and don't blink much.

Sometimes I scratch my fingers together behind my head at the same time but that seems to be a comfort thing/sensory thing, I find it helps me focus on whatever I'm trying to figure out. My DD copies the finger thing and laughs and we have a joke about it.

Sometimes I just blankly stare in to the distance.

Your DD should get used to it. It freaked my parents out. Lots of things scare kids that age. Cutting off a beard, face masks, wearing your hair in a ponytail (as someone said). Just explain you are just thinking, as you have been.

Zaliea · 13/03/2023 17:43

*EEG???? Sorry haha

Original poster

4EyesandBigThighs · 13/03/2023 17:46

I’ll Google the maladaptive daydreaming 😊

I’m not going to go to the GP for daydreaming just because a handful of MN strangers read ‘blank stare’ and ‘zoned out’ and are now parroting each other on diagnosis’ for someone they don’t know. The NHS don’t have the resources to waste on my day dreaming.

I’m not sure how many times I’m going to have to tell you all that it’s not medical, but again. It’s not medical 😅 it’s daydreaming.. it might be the maladaptive daydreaming that a PP has mentioned but I don’t know what that is so I’m off to Google it🫣

OP posts:

CeliaNorth · 13/03/2023 17:57

it might be the maladaptive daydreaming that a PP has mentioned but I don’t know what that is so I’m off to Google it

Don't think it's that, OP. Maladaptive daydreaming is having a fantasy life/telling yourself stories inside your head. Having an active imagination, in other words. From what you say, your 'daydreaming' is just thinking about things in every day life.

(I don't agree with the term 'maladaptive' - 'mal' implies there's something bad about it.)

kyliekoo · 13/03/2023 17:59

AviMav · 13/03/2023 17:26

Show quote history

"Why did you post if you are not willing to seek a GP?" 😂
Is that the requirement to post on MN then?

It sounds completely normal, OP (although it seems like many other posters have never heard of daydreaming). I daydream also occasionally and my daughter will say, "Mummy, you're daydreaming!" and I snap out of it. Your kid will get used to it pretty quickly. But, like other posters, I enjoy it.

Alitlebitsleepy · 13/03/2023 18:19

I also do this OP and have done since I was a child. I used to be a terrible daydreamer at school! I think people here are misunderstanding what you’re talking about.

AviMav · 13/03/2023 18:22

@kyliekoo okay to be fair you are just been funny. No it's not a requirement. How can you be certain that there is no medical issue at all? Is it a crime to check?? I zone out myself the DIFFERENCE is my child has never alerted me because he is alarmed. I don't think there's anything wrong in saying that... I don't get why you are so adamant there's nothing wrong with OP. Surely it's better to just double check? 😳

Ladyofthesea · 13/03/2023 18:25

RSintes · 13/03/2023 13:25

This is literally a form of epilepsy so please go and get it checked out as it's dangerous, even if all your other family members do it and even if it doesn't make you feel ill or whatever.

Not all epilepsy is jerking around on the floor unconscious.

This could also literally be maladaptive daydreaming.... bit easy to be so sure of your diagnosis. It could be different things.

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