My daydreaming scares my toddler?

[4EyesandBigThighs]

Anyone else’s kids get absolutely panicked when they spot you ‘zoning out’ - I can feel when I’m doing it, and my semi conscious knows when she’s watch me and starts to cry and tell me to stop it but it still takes me a few seconds to come out of it. I just tell her I’m ‘thinking’ as I don’t think she’ll understand daydreaming. But I find it bizarre that we staring blankly at one spot makes her so panicked?!

I still don't understand what you're talking about, I don't do it and never noticed any other adult doing it either. Thinking doesn't require what you're describing. Even if I'm trying to focus on something, my primary attention is on DC at all times and the thinking goes on in the background, I don't go into daydreaming however short. This isn't normal.

I do this- nothing medical wrong with me. Just deep in thought and staring into space while I’m thinking. I would just try really hard not to do it around your dd op, it clearly stresses her out.

I do this. It’s lovely. DD has started doing it too and it does look quite creepy! Just try not to do it around her, same as you would try not to do it in a work meeting or while driving etc.

I do this when I’m tired and not doing anything. I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t just suddenly happen when I’m in the middle of something, driving, chores whatever. Just when I’m lounging about.

I’ve only had a quick google but apparently people don’t have memory of absence seizures? There’s no gap in my memory, I’m still ‘present’ and it sounds like that is the case with the OP.

I know I look really mardy when I do it (RB face😬) so maybe it’s the look on your face that your child finds scary? I know my dp sometimes thinks I’m sulking about something 😂

There's a lot of space between "involuntary" in the sense of an epileptic seizure and "completely under my willful control" in the sense of deliberately doing something to scare your toddler.
Are you very tired, OP? I sometimes space out a bit thinking about something because I'm sleep deprived and knackered all the time, and my 3yo is constantly narrating some complicated make-believe world at the top if his voice, and sometimes I just need to escape into my own thoughts for a second and figure out what to make for dinner / remember where that parking ticket is / imagine that I'm lying on a perfectly silent beach somewhere. I easily snap out of it if one of the kids starts crying or something spontaneously combusts - so it's not a safety concern - but I'm Just. So. Bloody. Tired. that if someone comes and interrupts me with an inane question (today was "If Jesus was a wizard could he make the Paw Patrol real? Mama? Mama? If Jesus was... Mama! If Jesus... MAMAAAA!!!!") it takes me a minute to gather enough energy to leave my (IMO slightly more pressing) thoughts behind and respond.
My 3yo dislikes it for that reason but it doesn't scare him AFAIK.
DH calls it being on screen saver mode.
I would just try not to do it when your toddler is around, and keep reassuring her if she does catch you and gets upset.

How do you know how long you are ‘daydreaming’ for? The fact your DD is scared means it’s not a normal amount of time. If it’s upsetting her wth haven’t you stopped doing it, if as you say you can control it?

Her DH has noticed it too and upshot worried about the length of time she us daydreaming or about her ability to just snap out if it. So I’d take that as a sign the OP is ok tbh.

As for controlling it, the OP is also clear that she can control it as in she can get out if her daydreaming phase. But at the same time, she can’t because that’s what happens when she thinks!!

@4EyesandBigThighs i think you just have a more visible expression than most if us when you get lost in thought. All of us do but most people will carry on blinking etc… that’s what makes your thinking time a bit more unusual.
Your dd is noticing it. As long as you explain to her what’s going on (which I know you do) and can answer to her straight away (which you do too), I can’t see the harm.

Btw I have similar experience than other posters. I tend to do the daydreaming thing when I’m exhausted.
The difference is that my toddlers never noticed it 🤪🤪

Surely if it's not involuntary and you know it scares your child, the logical solution is to work on not doing it around your child?

If you can't control or change it, then you should probably speak to someone about it.

@MyriadOfTravels Exactly this.

I’m not arguing with anybody, I’ve had to state more than once that there is nothing wrong with me, yet there are still posters suggesting I’m a danger to my child, and that this MUST be the cause of something.

to the poster who questioned being tired. I am always tired! But you could say it happens more easily when I am tired perhaps? I’ve never really thought about it hard enough to compare how I feel to when I’m doing it.

someone asked how I know how long I’m doing it for… as if I’m zoning out at dusk and coming out of it at dawn 🙄 - I know it’s only second because when though I’m blankly staring I’m well away of my surroundings while I’m thinking, I can hear everything and see whatever’s in my peripheral vision.

I obviously don’t do it on purpose to scare DD, although when she first shouted at me for it I did do it again to see if it really was that that she was getting worked up about.

DD is 3yo.

I asked if it happens to anyone else, not for the MN doctors to magically diagnose a stranger over the internet and get insinuations of crap parenting because my 3 year old doesn’t like it if I don’t blink periodically 😅🤓

You need to sort yourself out as this isnt normal and understandably scary for a child.

Noone is saying it is dangerous. Your unblinking thousand-yard stare freaks your 3 year old out. Maybe try not to do it in her presence until she is a bit older and realises it's just mummy being weird?

Dear god, do none of you who are criticising the OP have an interior life? Supervising a young child can be boring, especially if they're absorbed in doing something. It's quite normal for thoughts to wander off (as a pp said, maybe to what's for supper) whilst still being aware of any dangers our children might or might not be in. Do we as mothers have to deny ourselves every bloody thing that does not revolve directly around our children?
If it scares them then just explain that you were thinking about xyz. This is how children learn that other people - even their parents! - have their own thoughts and autonomy. Some of the replies on here are just ... odd.

I’d say the most concerning thing here is the fact that you find it funny that you’re scaring your little 3 year old.

Dd used to be terrified of the hoover. I used to hoover when she was with dh or in bed. I mean, it's just normal to stop doing things that scare your kids when they are small.

I can see why you'd reschedule hoovering (although at some point you're going to have to deal with their fear) but staring off into the middle distance every now and then as a thought takes you? Um, no.

Seriously op, this sounds like absence seizures (also known as petit mal). For you it might seem relatively normal, as it’s happened for so long, but it’s clearly terrifying your child. Your husband has witnessed it. Why are you so sure it’s not medical? With this type of seizure you can be perfectly aware of what’s going on. They only last maybe 10-30 seconds, but if that’s what it is, and in that bit of time something happened to your child would you (or your partner) ever forgive yourself? Do you drive? If so has it ever happened then?

Why would you not at the very least discuss this with your GP? Most people responding here are telling you this really isn’t something that happens to most people, so why can you not err on the side of caution and get yourself checked out?

She's 24 now and over the fear 😅

You definitely are unaware of what you are doing when you zone out. Other wise you wouldn't be doing and it wouldn't take for your DC to snap you out of it. I think it must be quite bad for her to notice she must be very observant or this is a regular thing for her to pick up on. Definitely chat with your GP.

My dad used to do this all the time when I was little. It was because he had a stressful job and was often in his own head thinking about work. It didn't scare me but it did annoy me when I wanted his attention and he ignored me (not saying you do this OP). I can't believe all of these people who think it's a medical catastrophe and remain focused on what's happening in their immediate vicinity at all times. Do you really never drift off thinking about things? My DP tells me I'm being stare-y (not starry) when I do it.

@Salverus I think I might cultivate a fear of the hoover - I hate doing it 😂

@belimoo I do drift/Zone out however it's from time to time. My child has never bellowed stop it mummy. People are just saying go to the GP what's the harm?

OPS dd obviously doesn't like it as she's telling her to stop it. The seizure thing is a possibility why do you think its not?

Are you running little stories through your head, OP? If so, it is called maladaptive daydreaming. You can google it.

Most people aren't saying you are a danger to your child. They are repeating what you yourself said - that your child finds what you do scary - and saying why would you do something that scares your child? I mean, you literally said you make her cry. I can't imagine thinking it is funny that I do something that makes my child cry.

It's not epilepsy, I get what you mean OP. I'll sort of stare at a spot on the wall and my eyes feel unfocused but if someone speaks to me I snap out of it. I guess try not to do it and to stop yourself if you notice yourself going into it.

People are really overreacting!