My daydreaming scares my toddler?

[4EyesandBigThighs]

Anyone else’s kids get absolutely panicked when they spot you ‘zoning out’ - I can feel when I’m doing it, and my semi conscious knows when she’s watch me and starts to cry and tell me to stop it but it still takes me a few seconds to come out of it. I just tell her I’m ‘thinking’ as I don’t think she’ll understand daydreaming. But I find it bizarre that we staring blankly at one spot makes her so panicked?!

I think it’s great to daydream. Most of us have got out of the habit because our phones occupy our minds.

I don't think you're having fits or whatever - I do the same when I'm on a train journey or an aeroplane, and I find it relaxing to zone out when there's nobody I should be talking to and nothing I should be doing. It's not something you can do in a social situation though, and your daughter now has the skill to recognise this and try to restore your normal function.

I think you have to accept that even your mind is not your own these days . You could take up jogging? Nobody judges you for zoning out when you are jogging.

I think it’s great to daydream. Most of us have got out of the habit because our phones occupy our minds.

So true!

Probably not so great when it's scaring your toddler though.

I also don't find the OPs description that strange. It's reminded me that sometimes my children when younger thought I was staring at them when I was if anything "looking straight through them"; ie zoned out thinking about something and not actually looking at anything.

I wonder if your daughter would respond positively to being told that it's "Mummy's thinking face" or similar?

No, it’s not. Quick survey of my family here, and none of us do this.

Do you come from Norfolk OP ( sorry, couldn’t resist, I will probably be pushed off the thread for it) Sorry again.

If it's "only seconds", then how come your DD even notices? Or feels any anxiety about it?

Sounds like you're doing it on the regular, which frankly isn't appropriate, particularly as you're distressing your child, it sounds like she's finding it quite traumatic. You need to find ways to occupy yourselves so you don't have time for so much daydreaming.

I think you might be a bit dismissive! Or delusional. One of the two.

I thought daydreaming was that zoning out thing where you can hear and see but you kind of go somewhere else and you have to ‘pull’ yourself back. Is that not normal??
I can daydream for several minutes, completely zoned out.

Maybe take up some parenting classes then

I've always done this. More so as a child but I definitely do it now.
I'm a teacher and the pupils laugh at me (in a good-natured way) when I zone out. Sometimes they ask me why my eyes are staring. I just tell them I'm thinking.

Maybe I do have ADHD 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I don't think it's epilepsy or any other medical problem.

For what?

I do something like this, although I’m more “blank” mentally than really daydreaming. For me it’s dissociation, it started due to trauma as a child (I used to do a lot of maladaptive daydreaming too). It used to be pretty bad but I had EMDR therapy and it only happens sometimes now, and gets a bit worse when I’m stressed or anxious.

I only mention this because you say it might be linked to anxiety. Is there anything that particularly sets it off? Sometimes we learn it as a coping mechanism- when you can’t literally do the fleeing part of “fight or flight”, you flee mentally instead by going away inside your head.

It could be the case that she is doing it for longer than she thinks and that's why the toddler is alarmed... Or she could be doing it much the same as any of us are and it's just her toddler has a weird thing about it. I do the same thing and my toddler was never scared, my parents were though.

My toddler wasn't scared by her dad shaving his beard off, but some toddlers are terrified of it. Would you say father's should never shave if it scares their kids?

What about the PP who said their toddler didn't like her wearing her hair in a ponytail? Should she never do it because it's traumatising her toddler?

I don't think she should have to never have 5 mins to sit down with a cuppa and zone out thinking just because her toddler doesn't like the look on her face. Toddler will get used to her mum. Lots of weird things can freak them out and they just need to get used to it.

@MissMaple82 very constructive, thanks for participating. You sound delightful.

Daydreaming/lack of focus/zoning out is a very common symptom of inattentive adhd in women and girls. Not trying to diagnose you, just trying to help.

There's quite a few disablist posts on here suggesting that zoning out for a few minutes makes her a danger to her children.

I do find it slightly bizarre and funny that it makes her scared; she’s not in any danger and we’ve explained to her I’m just thinking - she’s fine as soon as I blink; she’s not traumatised or scared of me permanently. I think some of you might be being a bit precious.

Emotional absence really affects kids. You see it in the children of functional alcoholics, people with MH conditions which make them have a very flat affect, and this. Good for your DD asking for what she needs and having a good go until she gets it.

If it's occasional, temporary and not medical, I think you'll both live. But it's not 'nothing' and it's not funny. She is telling you that in that moment, her needs aren't being met. Now we don't have to meet our children's needs immediately at all times. But recognising that she's signalling this could help you understand her reaction.

When I do it, my eyes kind of relax almost as if I am going to go slightly cross-eyed, but I don’t actually go cross-eyed. It’s almost like it’s too exhausting to focus, so my eyes kind of relax.

I really don’t think it’s a type of seizure or anything. I honestly thought everyone had this?

When I do it, my eyes kind of relax almost as if I am going to go slightly cross-eyed

It's the same relaxation of focus that allows you to see Magic Eye pictures.

There's quite a few disablist posts on here suggesting that zoning out for a few minutes makes her a danger to her children.

Well that is true if one doesn’t know what the cause is, until diagnosis/treatment of course.

But OP insists she is fine so God only knows why she thinks it’s funny to continue to scare her toddler 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep! Does everyone not do this when they daydream? I’m now trying to think of times I’ve seen my family members do this.

I think people find situations in which it is acceptable to do this, for example sitting at the kitchen table sipping a cup of tea and staring peacefully out the window but not really looking at the garden.

My mum does this and I absolutely hated it. But I don't know why.

I still hate it, and DH occasionally does it as well. I think it's because I know he's in his own world that I don't like it, but I'm not sure.

If it's scaring your young child then don't do it..you say it's not medical and nothing to worry about and neither you or your partner are concerned which is fine for you. Your child IS concerned and worried and it's not fair. Just stop it or seek medical advice.
I lived with an aged GP who fainted on the bus with me once. I spent the next few years living in silent hysteria of it happening again.