Grandparents will not have grandchild - AIBU

[Autumnisbeautiful1]

Hi there, we are moving from UK to Australia in a few weeks, myself, husband and 2 Yr old son. I have a job with international travel meaning I am due in X European city in August (5 months after we depart). I suggested to my parents I come back with my son and we stay with them the week before I'm due in Europe, they have him for the 5 days I'll be working in Europe and then I come back for another week or whatever best suits their schedule. They are completely up a height at me asking and in fact really angry and say I'm being unreasonable asking them to have my son for the 5 days I'm away. I totally get it would be hardwork for them but considering they see us every week atm and won't see us for at least 8 months if I don't bring him back with me in August I thought this was a great opportunity to see each other and especially him spending time with grandparents. They have never had him overnight, we see them every week a few times for an hour or two each time. My mum is always stressed and must have undiagnosed anxiety despite having everything she could want for years. I feel like my dad would do it without hesitation if my mum said yes but agrees whatever she says, which I guess is good for their relationship. I completely understand I can't rely on my parents for childcare and never have but just thought this was too good an opportunity to turn down I.e. my flights are pretty much paid for etc.
Thanks for your thoughts.

P.s. OP, not sure what help there is for verbally abusive people. They could simply choose not to do it. Your father could look in to contacting a charity for male victims of domestic abuse.

I feel sorry for your dad 😟

"My mum is always stressed and must have undiagnosed anxiety despite having everything she could want for years."
If only life was that easy, you really need to rethink your attitude to your mother's anxiety.
I can only imagine the stress that knowing you were responsible for a jet lagged toddler would create and I admire them for refusing.

"My mum is always stressed and must have undiagnosed anxiety despite having everything she could want for years."

Anxiety doesn’t work like that, any more than depression does! Complete lack of understanding of MH problems.

I'm only in my 30s but if I get to be a grandparent one day, I would jump at the chance to do this, as my Mum would now.

I'm sad for her that she doesn't want to spend that precious time with him.

@philautia Let's hope you are as fit in your 60s as you are in your 30s. When my dc were born (decades ago now) my mother was up to her elbows in parent care.

At 62 despite still working, I have arthritis and couldn't physically look after a two year old 24/7 for five days.

They've said no to your quite cheeky request. I don't blame them.

I don't think it's cheeky, I think you were just trying to get some time for your DC with them under the circumstances and a lot of GPS/ family would have been really up for that - so I don't understand why you are being lambasted for it.

Saying that it's fair enough if they do t want to - especially due to your DMs anxiety it might feel just too difficult.

No need to apologise for asking surely?

This does not sound like the environment in which you would want to leave your very young child for 5 days.

I've had my grandchildren to stay right from being really small for the weekend and I live on my own. Ive had 2 at a time as well, I really don't understand people nowadays. Why are they angry at you, you would have thought they would have loved to have their grandchild for a few days.

I had my first child at age nineteen. I was, and still am, a pretty good mum. My kids always came first in my life. I did not have any help, my mother still had young children herself, and my mil was fully employed. Husband was working and supported us that way, as did I, but he was not there day in day out, and never carried the emotional load of parenting.

I experienced parenting to be enormous, and rather lonely, responsibility. I do not want that responsibility again, in my 60s. I like to spend time with my grandkids. They often visit, and I babysit them. When they reach age 5 they do start to stay overnight and we have a lot of fun. But the thought of minding a grandchild night and day for 5 days would be too much responsibility for me. And physically I wouldn’t be up to it either. I read so many posts that I agree with, from parents on here talking about the exhaustion from keeping up with young children all day. It’s a lot harder physically for a grandparent.

We live abroad from grandparents and regularly go months without seeing them and from about 1 they have never forgotten them. I’d be quite concerned if my 2 year old suddenly thought the grandparents they had seen weekly (in your case), and I assume continue to see on video calling were ‘complete strangers’. I dont think yabu to have asked, it was an offer not a request and it’s a weird reaction to get angry. Of course they aren’t unreasonable to say no but that’s all it needed to be.