I’ve smacked 4 year old and feel terrible

[Cantwait4summer94]

My son who is four is playing up a lot for me recently, he is absolutely brilliant for everyone else who looks after him but for me he is becoming more challenging.
he kept pushing his baby sister who is nearly 11 months and wouldn’t stop even when I asked. He then threw something heavy at my face and I’m sure I’m going to have a black eye tomorrow. I got up and slapped him but it wasn’t just once. he has since said ‘I’m so sorry mummy’ but my behaviour was out of order

We've all done it. Mumming is hard. Don't beat yourself up.

Wtf, no we haven't?!?!

Smacking a four year old multiple
times isn’t a acceptable. Maybe once when you’re at the end of your tether.

He is probably jealous of his sister and needs more 1 on 1 time with you?! Is there anything you can do to help that?

Also sounds like you need a break too!

I wasn’t fishing for compliments on my parenting whatsoever. I was saying thank you to the pp because they could notice how much everyone is twisting what I have said.

It's ok OP

It happens

No, I’d hope it’s the exception rather than a rule. I was smacked occasionally as a child, I wouldn’t do it to my own. If anything it’s a lazy option.

It probably was

Agreed. But it's so much easier to pile onto the OP isn't it?

Some children need to be shown they are not boss

By being slapped several times and shown violence is how to react to being upset? How can you try and teach a child not to hit by hitting them? Absolute madness to be supporting hitting a child

Actually I think it's easier just to say 'oh it's fine' or that 'it's okay'.

I don’t model violent behaviour. 🙄

Err that's exactly what you've done?

My mum slapped me once as a child and I've never forgotten it. Awful thing to do.

I think you have me confused with yourself @bellac11 first posting about there be zero advice when there were a dozen posts with advice. Now you’re at it again showing you haven’t RTFT. Let’s look at some the DV apologists only on the first two pages, shall we?
Unpopular view on here but I bet he won’t do it again. Some children need to be shown they are not boss.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You asked him to stop but he didn't. You must have felt that you were at your wit's end but it got the message across. Put your feet up with a cup of tea. I'm sure you're an excellent mother and you're doing just fine. Mothers are allowed to lapse sometimes, you know.

Op you are not failing you son .kids know all to well how to push there parents buttons and they also know how to pick 1 to behave for and one to not.

I think this was an exceptional situation, more than just him 'pushing your buttons' - he threw something heavy and hit the OP in the face, she is going to have a black eye! Obviously it's not ideal parenting to slap him, but my god, we're all human.

Kids were smacked back in the day and were much better behaved than the horrors of today, so there you go...

She apologises to the child who pushes his sister, and has given her a black eye. Way to raise a tyrant.

He’ll remember and he won’t do it again. There are worse things than smacking.

Well you’ve took that quote out of context

You assaulted your child, so yes you should feel bad. Don't do it again.

Happychappy12345
I agree. Children learn from the behaviour they see from adults.

I don’t model violent behaviour. 🙄

You've modelled violent behaviour by hitting him when he's done something wrong. How can you teach him violence is wrong but being violent back to him? You're modelling violent behaviour.

I can't believe people are sticking up for you.

Read the thread 🙄

Mad isn’t it? It’s as if you posted ‘Smacking kids is the best way to show them violence is wrong AIBU?’ 🙄 rather than a thread where you clearly feel remorseful and upset.

I’m going to go further than my original post and say OP has actually taught her son an important lesson - if you hit someone, they are likely to hit you back!

Particularly important for boys to learn young not to start fights.

The gentle parenting approach would just teach him he gets nice, gentle attention from mummy if he uses violence.

OP, I haven't read the full thread, only a few of your replies, and you obviously feel terrible.

I think you said you apologised which is good. kids need to know adults make mistakes aswell. Is you're son at the stage of understanding actions and words etc? My son is four and without making you feel worse, he wouldn't hurt me and if he thought he did, he'd be upset without me saying anything.

My ten year old is ND, as I said I haven't read the full thread but I'm sure it's been mentioned. He would fly off the handle and hurt me or himself when he was this age.A wooden train to the nose was one incident, and a bloody Thomas trackmaster knitted into my scalp while I was carrying him before. Now he's older he he still might hurt himself.but not anyone else.

you're in the thick of it right now. I think you should get On the phone to your health visitor, I know they have a bad rep, but mine helped me so much.

I'm sure it's been mentioned aswell, but is your son jealous of your daughter? Could you get him a doll so he can mimic you? We're going to bath your doll and baby sister now, baby needs some milk now, does dolly?shall we play together? Etc.

sending you best wishes x

Also to follow on OP, your daughter's only 11 months, maybe go to the GP, just incase you've got symptoms of pnd. 💐

I really do not understand this. Anyone who hits a child really needs help to protect their child from future harm. There is nothing normal about it at all.

Also to whoever said “would you say it’s ok for a husband to slap his wife?” Well if she threw an object at him and gave him a black eye then yes absolutely he should shove her away/slap her! Men not doing so in that situation leads to men being the victims of DV, and being caught in a shame cycle of not being able to hit back.

and yes, when DS’ little sister is old enough to hit him properly then I’m sure he will hit her back, and that’s when she would learn the lesson not to start the fight. Most young siblings do hit each other at some point, it’s how they learn not to do it in the real world. can’t believe the pearl clutching on here towards a clearly loving mum who acted out when someone hit her. Some mums end up being physically abused by their teenage sons. Thankfully OP now won’t be one of them.

She is failing her son. She physically abused him! I appreciate she was at the end of her tether, I get that offering support us better than condemnation but this is just not true. Do not condone child abuse.

Your behaviour was abusive and you acknowledge that. You feel terrible because shame is a useful function in preventing us repeating behaviour that we know to be wrong. So listen to it. Think about safeguarding your son. You know you love him and do not want to hurt him. What lead to this? Not his behaviour, what led to it in you? You need strategies to identify when you are at a low ebb and to pick yourself up/ calm yourself down/ whatever you need.

You lost it. You hit him multiple times. Was it frenzied? There are lots of questions around this that you need to ask yourself in order to learn what you need. I would have therapy personally. Or contact your hv. Or social services often provide support/ parenting classes etc.

You must do something, because doing nothing really does make you a bad parent as it means you choosing to leave your children in danger. You seem to want to make good choices and people respect that. So do it, then put what you learn into practice, forgive yourself and let it go.

I think it's wrong to slap children, and you obviously do too, or you wouldn't feel so bad about it.

Some PPs are reacting as if you're boasting about hitting your child, instead of feeling awful about it.

It happened, you don't want it to happen again, and lots of people have given you advice on that.

I don't think you've failed your child and I don't think you're abusive, you did something wrong, and you regret it.

I appreciate that smacking him out of anger when I was in pain myself was out of order but I’m really not the worst mother in the world. I didn’t beat him to an inch of his life. I smacked his bum and sent him to his room but you would think he was fighting for his life going off some of your responses. I feel bad but my son is now fine. He said ‘sorry mummy’ and he was fine mostly for the rest of the day. I don’t think I deserve to be told I am a child abuser.

I am going to respond in other ways when he is acting up. Such as putting him on time out and restricting screen time. Also I will try to have more one to one time with him. He is the most loving boy normally so I’m hoping his recent behaviour is a phase. I love him to bits and although I made a bad choice today, I am not a terrible person like I am being called on here