Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

leaving 5 week old , is it to soon?

133 replies

lockdownmummax · 10/02/2023 20:33

My son is 5 weeks 2 days old tomorrow, me and my partner have arranged to go out for Valentine's Day tomorrow, have dinner booked for 5pm and then crazy golf booked for 7pm, planning on going for 1 or 2 cocktails after and to be home for 10ish,
my partners mum is coming over to our house to watch baby and toddler , she is staying the night and will sleep in room with baby and me and my partner will sleep in the other room,
Am I being crazy for doing this?
With my first I actually never had a night out until she was over 1 year old ( covid times)
I'm not going to get drunk just a cocktail or two, and plan on enjoying the nights sleep but if baby is unsettled I will be in the next room, part of me thinks I'm crazy for going out to soon and the other part of me thinks it's only for an evening and I will be in the next room from him through the night?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
kitcat15 · 11/02/2023 15:39

gogohmm · 11/02/2023 11:38

To each to their own. Mine weren't out of grabbing distance for the first 6 months, but then I demand fed them, and were they demanding!

Get you....'earth mother' of the year eh🙄

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 11/02/2023 15:42

I left DS1 overnight with my mum when was about 4 weeks old. There doesn't seem to be any lasting damage and we get lots of comments about how lovely our bond is.

He was breastfed too, I just expressed plenty of milk before hand.

bellsbuss · 11/02/2023 15:50

Go and have a lovely time, I left all of mine from a similar age to go out with DH for an evening.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 1 year olds Babies & sleep Families
Kabalagala · 11/02/2023 15:55

It takes a village. You've got a willing village. Enjoy it and take full advantage with no guilt. It's good for babies to have lots of loving caregivers!

VivaVivaa · 11/02/2023 16:57

Assuming you aren’t breastfeeding it sounds completely fine! Go enjoy yourself, it’s so nice to see people who trust and love their MILs on mumsnet! X

TetherEndOfMy · 11/02/2023 17:20

Parky04 · 11/02/2023 11:31

We left our 1 day old baby for a couple of hours, and we went to watch the football! They are now 23 and it doesn't seem to have done them any harm! Unfortunately, our team lost though!

Show quote history

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable but leaving a 1 day old baby to watch football is bizarre!

SunshineAndFizz · 11/02/2023 17:22

Good lord yes. Enjoy!! x x

Puppyseahorse · 11/02/2023 17:31

Of course this is fine. Enjoy yourself OP.

honestly, these ‘baby needs mum 24/7 and will be damaged if you step away’ women are making a rod for their own backs.

Women have jobs and some don’t get maternity leave (eg, me.) Babies have dads and grandparents. Mums are not supposed to be martyrs.

I think that they take their misery out on women who have made different choices.

also, they never provide any data.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/02/2023 17:32

Sounds lovely! Have a great time.

Lcb123 · 11/02/2023 17:51

It’s not selfish at all. If you feel happy to do that, go for it. It’s one evening - you’re not leaving for a week! Enjoying time with your partner is so important for your relationship which can be strained with a new born.

smileladiesplease · 11/02/2023 18:37

Of course it's not selfish op ignore the jealous insecure idiots.

We had our grand kids at this age one night a week and still do. We want to help out and facilitate a nice evening snd the golden all night sleep. I wish my dm or dmil had done this for us but they didn't. We are young grand parents and retired early so why not.

Enjoy your night although my prediction is you have w few cocktails and fall asleep .)

smileladiesplease · 11/02/2023 19:01

Regards the bf comments which again seen a tad judgy snd are very silly. . I bf and you express! Easy

Seaweasel · 11/02/2023 19:22

I don't think we mothers do ourselves any favours with this fourth trimester business. I'm glad it wasn't a thing 20 years ago - it seems so regressive to me. Fathers are just as good as caring for a newborn - apart from breastfeeding. DH took both our DCs out from birth, wearing them around the house and for walks etc. Bathing, changing, whatever. My femaleness did not make me a more caring or attentive parent. Ditto grandparents, unless there are safeguarding worries, why shouldn't they play a significant part in childcare if everyone's happy? My lucky friend had parents who had the baby every Friday night from a few weeks old - she's an adult now and helps care for them. It's normal and natural.

SingingSands · 11/02/2023 19:33

I couldn't have done this with my first, but I could have with my second. 😄

Enjoy your evening OP, couple time is important too x

Dumbo18 · 11/02/2023 19:50

I don’t understand OP, if you don’t think it’s selfish or too soon why even bother posting? By the way I don’t think it’s too soon, I think it’s fine but just unsure as to why you’ve bothered asking as you also think it’s fine and that you deserve the break?

user40643 · 11/02/2023 20:18

No way would I do this. Breastfeeding is another factor but to each their own.

motleymop · 11/02/2023 20:33

I couldn't have done it because of the lack of sleep, PND, and anxiety!! But personally I don't really think small babies give much of a hoot who is looking after them (as they're not aware enough), as long as they're making a reasonable job of it!

Pinkstardust · 11/02/2023 20:44

converseandjeans · 11/02/2023 08:57

Fourth trimester is a tool of the patriarchy to keep mothers chained to their newborns. It’s not supported by science at all

It would be interesting to know if those who go full out for the 4th trimester are the ones who have a 3 year old who still won't sleep and needs a parent to lie down every night with them to get them settled.

It's definitely a balance. I used to go out occasionally and leave children with their Dad who was perfectly capable of looking after them. I don't think leaving them with their grandparents or Dad is exactly a random person. It's important for them to build up relationships with those care givers. It gets them used to settling for different people. The sooner they get used to it the easier it is. So many women on here complain they have a DH who is unable to settle the baby.

We spend loads of time with ours & because we both teach have all school hols off with them. So an occasional night out or hen do when they're little doesn't mean they're not important or cared for.

You're lucky we never really had offers to go out like that. In laws only really had them when we worked. So it's a good thing yours have offered.

so true. My dil has never once left my gd with anyone over night . That is her way,
unfortunately my gd can’t go to bed by herself. She needs her mum to go to bed with her , they co sleep . Twice I’ve looked after her in the evening while her parents went out. One of those nights she was crying at the front door for her mum at 11pm . Both nights I could not get her to bed . She wasn’t havnt it . The other time she fell asleep from exhaustion in the living room . She’s never had a regular bed time . She goes with her mum every night . And that’s anytime after 9.30, 10, 10,30 . Rod for back ?? Hmmmmm . She’d 2 and a half . Never has once slept over ours or anywhere else .

girlmom2 · 11/02/2023 20:46

Absolutely go for it! Everybody needs a break and some me time 😁

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 11/02/2023 21:53

Thanks for the comments everyone, we are home now, had a really lovely evening, ate my body weight in Italian food had a lovely cocktail with my meal, headed to crazy golf ( silly me decided to wear heals my feet where killing me)
headed home after crazy golf, baby is sleeping settled with MIL we are in our house coats with a big bar of dairy milk and about to stick a film on, I missed baby and toddler and did feel a bit weird leaving him but MIL said he was brilliant and she loved watching baby and toddler so happy days for everyone, my MIL has very nicely done our housework and washing so I am just feeling so refreshed and greatful for that time out and help tonight I'm glad I went x

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 11/02/2023 21:55

So glad you had a great night! Now enjoy the rest of it with the film and chocolate 😊

kitcat15 · 11/02/2023 21:59

Enjoy that chocolate bar!

HaggisBurger · 11/02/2023 22:06

I hope you have a lovely time. It’s good to make time occasionally for yourself / your partner if you have good support and feel happy to do so.

The whole martyred “ we didn’t have a night out for 5 years and couldn’t bear to leave baby even with my mother for an hour ” brigade … well. More fool them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/02/2023 22:13

Not too soon at all if you feel ready. You are a mother now but you're also a wife and you know, a human being who is allowed to be more than just 'mummy' and to have some baby free time.

I left mine for the first time at 2 weeks and first night away was when he was 6 weeks. I'll also be going back to work by choice next month when he'll be 3 months. No guilt here.

Hope you enjoy, OP.

Beachbabe1 · 11/02/2023 22:19

Please make a post about how wonderful your mother in law is!! I cant wait to do this for my sons & their partners. Have a wonderful time.