Partner left feeling resentful left with 2 kids

[timewp]

My partner left me with toddler & newborn. Of course there’s a backstory regarding the breakup but the main reason for my post is that…. I’m starting to feel really resentful being left with the kids. I’m struggling to bond with the 3 month old baby and not enjoying having a toddler in the terrible two stage. Partner is back living with his parents and has his freedom back. He sees the kids once a week. He goes to work without worrying about childcare, goes to the gym, can date if he wants to, doesn’t need to worry about rent etc. They are his kids and kids are hard work, but he only gets to do the fun part then hand them back at the end of the day. I feel so miserable being a single mum of 2. It’s not what I had planned. It makes me feel worse attending baby groups and mums talking about their husbands and partners. I really am starting to resent being a mum and I’m not enjoying motherhood anymore. I’m on anti depressants, the sadness has worn off, just left with a lot of anger and resentment. I look after my kids, I attend to all their physical care needs, I can afford to provide for them financially and I take them out to groups. However I’m doing it because I have to, not because I want to. The joy of parenthood isn’t there since partner has left. I feel like he should take full care and see what it’s like in my shoes because whenever I ask for more help, he just tells me to stop being ungrateful that I have kids, and that he’s too busy. I feel like that strong love mothers talk about for their children, it’s just not there for me. I hate to admit it, I feel so guilty, I know it’s not their fault. But I can’t help but wish he’d have taken the kids with him. Then I can focus on my career, my goals, etc. But nope, he is the one with the freedom and I am the one left with the kids. I am not bonding with them properly. I can’t. I don’t know how to. I feel unhappy being a single mother and the thought of doing school runs, finding childcare, balancing work, raising kids etc all by myself now with no partner. Can anyone please tell me what to do?

awk so so sorry to hear this. That’s awful and so unfair. If it was me being left with the kids as a single mum and not getting a break especially with my needs to consider I’d voluntarily place the kids in foster care. Just temporarily you still get to see them and have parental control. I think you should do it as you need your life back too as it works both ways

Bump

Hi OP wonder how you are doing, currently going through the same and struggling to stop the feeling of resentment. Hope you sorted your life out

Honestly, the killer is the resentment and unfairness. It taints everything, absolutely everything. But when you are tired and sad the perspective to see that is hard to find.

You are doing what has to be done for your kids, because you are a good human and a good mum. You may not be feeling the love for it right now, and there is no denying that it is hard and will continue to be so. I would go back to GP, enquire about anti depressants, to help lighten your mind a little and give that perspective. Look into nursery for the toddler, and ask grandparents to help a morning a week or something with the little one. Even come off maternity early and get some of your own thing back. Honestly, you are in the hardest stage. My older 2 kids have a similar age gap, and it is relentless. I remember this stage as a fairly dark time, and I had a husband around.

Do you drive? One light hearted tip would be getting them both in the car, finding the quietest back road you can and drive slowly till they fall asleep. Then head for the nearest drive through, so car park for some peace.

Also, soft play. Much maligned, but get that toddler wearing off energy.

Oh god, just spotted this is a bloody year old.

He doesnt want to parent his kids, but when you say the same, he TELLS you "no, they need a mum"???

FUCK. THAT.

OP if you truly dont want to be a full time parent then consider having them fostered. At least give yourself some breathing space.

Don't feel like a martyr. Your kids deserve two loving parents and right now, considering what is best for them - fostering or even adoption, might be the best in the long term.

Don't allow yourself to be controlled by your ex.