Please help me cope tonight I can’t do this anymore

[Arghhh111]

I am at my wits end. three month old baby’s dad left when she was 2 weeks old, heard absolutely nothing and so I am completely alone. She was fine for the first three months up until last week when she just will NOT sleep more than two hours and even that seems to be getting shorter. She’s slept for max 45 mins today in three short bursts.

I am dreading tonight. I can’t cope. I am resentful with my ex which isn’t helping and I don’t understand where this sudden inability to sleep has come from.

I’ve used infacol as thought it could be colic due to the crying, week later no change.

ive fed on demand as I usually do, with extra offering right before I go to bed at 11:30.

ive made sure the room is warm enough.

ive kept it dark.

she’s not got a temperature and doesn’t need nappy changing.

I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s nobody else to help either. Right now she’s just mildly crying in the cot next to the bed, when I pick her up she will have a tiny bit of milk but not really be interested in it. So she’s not really hungry.

i can’t do this anymore

Kids have sleep regressions that last a week or two. Look.up if one is due.

It is sooo hard and you are doing so so so well! I am very impressed at your solo parenting.

Do you have a parent or sibling who could help ???

You can do this , having a baby is really really hard. Sleep is not linear at this age. My little boy is 3 months too and we have to co sleep as he is sooo clingy and will not go into his next to me.
go downstairs have a cup of tea, if she is crying it’s fine, you need to be calm to look after a baby so in this instance ok to leave her for 5 minutes to re set yourself x

Sorry to hear this OP. All of my children were terrible sleepers. Looking back, I think I was over feeding mine at night and causing them to have wind so that might be something to consider. Also have you tried swaddling? I never did it but I wish I’d tried it, it stops them jumping and waking themselves up apparently. Hope you’re OK.

Teething?
Have you given calpol?
Or tried co sleeping?

Eldest was a terrible cryer & sleeper. We were referred to a sleep clinic. Didn’t work. In the end I just put them in with me & that was good enough. But had to sleep on me every time I rolled them off they woke. I feel for you & it’s horrid. But I’m with you if they are happy & safe & I would just doze on & off. Good luck

I used a wrap sling and took mine out for a big fresh air walk around 6pm, then home for a feed and bed.

The thing that saved me was Co sleeping. And feeding on demand.

Sleeping in the day time.

Do the bare minimum in the house. Drink LOADS of water and try and get out for a walk everyday. The fresh air will help you.

It won’t last… but it’s horrendous while it does.

I feel you, this was my baby. I wasn't alone but still absolutely at the end of my rope with it.

Will she take a bottle and is there anyone at all who would take her for a night?

It’s an absolutely brutal age, you will be on your knees.
do the absolute minimum. Ready meals, whatever gets you some sustenance without effort. Any time her eyes close, close yours. No jobs. You will survive. There will be a tomorrow.
sleep regression/ leaps in development, starting teething- things will wobble sleep patterns. Just prioritise your rest. The rest of life can wait. It will still be there when you get to the other side- and you will.
hang in there.

We've all felt like this even with/without support. It's a regression and she's probably cluster feeding and it's hard work. You will get through it but it's so shit and it's ok to feel like this. I ended up Co sleeping with mine as it helped me get sleep and helped with how I was feeling. Because honestly I was full or rage and stress! It can be so rough but it'll pass I promise xx

Thanks for the replies. She’s bottle fed. I maybe encourage too much drinking late at night?

I don’t understand consleeping enough to be confident with it. I did have her in the bed this morning for half an hour and she was totally silent but I didn’t sleep as I was worried I would roll on her

i will do anything to make it stop. She’s still crying now and I have no idea why!! Been like this all day it only stopped briefly when she had a bath

Oh God been there with a newborn and a toddler, bedtimes were absolute hell.

It got so bad I put her in her cot, shut the door and let her cry it out one night. She was asleep in 15 minutes max.
That was when I discovered she really sleeps better in silence in her own room alone without me and that I was the cause of all her wake-ups.

All of this.

It's so bloody rough 😓 xx

It could well be teething if she's been grizzly all day. My DS started teething around 3 months although it took ages for the first tooth to appear but you could see the gums were red and swollen.

Youngest would only sleep with eldest in the room. Not me, not dh. Just big sister. We ended up putting mattress by youngest bed.

It will pass but it’s awful at the time. Honestly stick them in with you. You wlll get used to it. And a dummy. I swore mine would never have a dummy. I ate my words.

@ReamsOfCheese how old was she? I have left her once for ten mins and she fell asleep but I felt so guilty. I hate this

Oh bless you!! I have an 8 month old and I'm exhausted - he does not sleep longer than 2 hours at a time.
I feed him during the night also as it settles him so wouldn't worry about over feeding particularly. Is he teething? Could try some calpol to see if it settles him? If it does then you know it's pain.
If it was me and I was alone in my bed, I would 100% co sleep to get a good nights sleep. We also have a just 2 year old and when he's poorly and doesn't sleep we put him in our bed and my OH sleeps on the sofa, it's literally the only way we get any sleep.
Your not alone. Do you go to any groups; met any mum friends you can vent too? Any family close by? X

Possibly hitting the 4 month sleep regression early? It's a killer but you will get through it!

It’s so hard when they cry and you don’t know why! I think over tired there are signs like rubbing eyes etc, wind cry has different things to look for like pulling knees up.
if I was there right now I’d try cuddle and winding. You can do this.
sleep deprivation is a form of torture, I have twins and I know how difficult no sleep is.

@mynameiscalypso her cheeks are red but I thought too soon for teething? How can I be sure? She keeps sucking her hands and it isn’t hunger

@leelan can I give calpol if I’m not 100% sure it’s teething?

@Arghhh111 I sort of worked on the basis that if calpol helped, it was probably teething. I'm not sure that's very scientific!

It's so tough op. Look up the safe sleep 7 and the lullaby trust and give co sleeping a go. It will pass, but it's fucking awful while you're in it.

I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation, I'd like to second the sling/walking/co-sleeping/ drinking recommendations.
For the first few months DC hardly slept so I just tried to sleep while he did. Especially as he'd only fall asleep on me, often during a walk in the sling, and woke up if I tried to put him into bed.
But it only lasts a while, even if it seems like forever at the time, and being that exhausted can take you to really dark places.
Is there a mums and babies group at your local health centre?
It may be good to be among other mums at similar stages and vent and listen to them vent...
You are doing great! Take a breather, and try again...you've got this!

@Arghhh111 a small 2.5ml of calpol isn't going to hurt, it may be the cause of the upset. Unfortunately babies can't tell us what's wrong, so it's a huge guessing game. I'd try the calpol. X

I’m so sorry. This is an impossible age and you are rightly finding it really tough. Everyone does even if they have someone supporting them. It will pass. Do take the advice that you have been given. For the worst nights early on I used to leave the radio on. It didn’t seem to make any difference to the baby but I felt a bit less lonely. Xx