Please help me cope tonight I can’t do this anymore

[Arghhh111]

I am at my wits end. three month old baby’s dad left when she was 2 weeks old, heard absolutely nothing and so I am completely alone. She was fine for the first three months up until last week when she just will NOT sleep more than two hours and even that seems to be getting shorter. She’s slept for max 45 mins today in three short bursts.

I am dreading tonight. I can’t cope. I am resentful with my ex which isn’t helping and I don’t understand where this sudden inability to sleep has come from.

I’ve used infacol as thought it could be colic due to the crying, week later no change.

ive fed on demand as I usually do, with extra offering right before I go to bed at 11:30.

ive made sure the room is warm enough.

ive kept it dark.

she’s not got a temperature and doesn’t need nappy changing.

I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s nobody else to help either. Right now she’s just mildly crying in the cot next to the bed, when I pick her up she will have a tiny bit of milk but not really be interested in it. So she’s not really hungry.

i can’t do this anymore

Instead of silence try some white noise - if you have an Alexa try heavy rain sounds or you can also play it on an app or in between stations on a radio -

Silence means every noise baby hears and can wake & same for you - continuous white noise worth a try - game changer for me -

Other ideas: think about not feeding so late, like another poster said you can be giving them tummy ache over night -

also try a pause counting to 90 seconds before you respond then before picking up tapping or hushing for 90 seconds then if pick up holding for 90 seconds before the next thing is tried - rhythmic pats on back/bottom sometimes is enough - the aim of the 90 seconds is to try and make us slow down to see if something is working before we jump in or feed - as crying is so intense we tend to not give enough time for baby to resettle - I know easier said then done - but counting outloud certainly made me think/feel like I was doing something. Have you tried a dummy?

Hope tonight is better for you -

It totally is like this, peace one minute and then screaming the next. I’m so sorry it didn’t last!

She is tired but can't find her sleep. Let her fall asleep on you and transfer her when she's in a deep sleep.

Such a difficult age, so sorry… my big tip is to always nap when baby naps (in the daytime). Sending hugs x

You've got this, it's tough but you can do it
Have you got a routine organised for example what worked for us until 6mth old was meal time 530/6 pm then bath time 630pm then dressed and bed and music playing from the baby monitor. They were in the cot, then at 11pm a feed before moving to the moses basket on my side of the bed I did breast feed but also bottle on our youngest to get enough in him. The at 6mth the moses basket was out (too big) and they remaind in the cot with an 11/1130pm dream feed as they were in their own room them and not moved to ours the baby monitor music was put on again
They would then wake 6am our DD from 4weeks our ds from 11 weeks I can only assume routine helped for us. We were lucky that teething never bothered them aswell and I know others aren't and I really feel for you all.
Stay calm you have got this and grab sleep when you can don't worry about the housework it doesn't have to be sparkling don't let your resentment for your ex seep into your relationship with your dd as you are the best doing the best because you love her ❤️

OP, do you have a stretchy wrap sling like this?

www.amazon.co.uk/Adjustable-Stretchy-Carrier-Infant-Breastfeeding/dp/B0154N2ZTQ

My fail safe was wrap him up on my chest, and bounce up and down on the yoga ball (watching Netflix, obviously) until he gave in...

Also this video on Youtube was weirdly magic for both of mine and got me through many a hysterical night:

Wish you so much luck, you're doing amazing. Fuck your ex, what a twat, you and baby deserve better xx

I'd give Calpol just in case and get her some small teethers. Maybe some bongela if you can get it for little ones

Has she just had her 12 week vaccinations? They can play havoc with sleep? Just do what you can to get through tonight. You have got this and this too shall pass!!

Also make sure she learns to sleep to sound.
Keep going, even if it means co sleeping, I co slept with 2 babies, I didn't feel massively comfortable BUT it did mean I didn't have a breakdown, she wants to feel your breath on her.

Was literally talking to my DH about this today. My daughter is 2 now but at 3 months we had exactly this. It was insane and I thought wtf has happened suddenly?! But it lasted about 3 weeks. Must’ve been a sleep regression. It was exactly like you’ve described. X

Do you know about wonder weeks (shit shit name but legit child developmental theory ) . At 3 month you could be in leap 3 and also a growth spurt. Double whammy. There is an app but you can get the info online too.

My baby is 4 months. I have a massively supportive husband and I feel just like you do when it all goes to shit here, it is so hard, do you know how insanely fucking well you are doing by coping with it all alone?I wish I knew you so I could tell you how much I admire you in person. Doesn't make it any easier when you are in the midst of your child crying at you, I find it absolute hell to hear him cry, you cannot get any mental or emotional relief to even take a breath and figure out your situation.

I'm going to try to post some of the wonder weeks stuff in case it is of help to see that tbis may all be developmentally normal. My only suggestion practically is to try to get a break from it, even for a 15 min shower and change. Can a friend help you? Do you know anyone locally, perhaps any older women or childminders who you could pay or ask for an hour or.two respite? Just an hour off and I feel so much more able to deal with things.

Brb x

Have you tried white noise? There is a great long version on YouTube - baby sitting on a moon pic. Give it 20mins and see if your little one settles. Really works x

You're doing an amazing job. It could well be teething so try the calpol -mine had her first tooth at 4 months. Read up on co-sleeping, I thought I never would but it's been a god send for my baby. It's amazing how your instincts will kick in when needed even when you're asleep.
If you're in the UK and don't have family support perhaps you could get in touch with your Health Visitor for their advice?

I second the YouTube vids too - not everyone will agree but again a godsend. And those baby sensory videos (dancing fruits) for day time - even if it gives you 5mins!

Is the sleep environment good - dark room, white noise etc? At some point they become more alert so find it hard to sleep in a bright room.

How is her skin?

www.facebook.com/groups/1406450063143471/?ref=share

Poor you, newborn sleep is absolutely brutal - I fell asleep standing up once (!) holding the baby and knew it couldn’t continue - i was so tired I wasn’t safe to look after her. Straight after that, I gave her a long feed, a good wind, changed her, made sure she wasn’t too hot/cold then put her in the Moses basket and put earplugs in and went to sleep. I know this goes against all Mumsnet doctrine but I knew if I didn’t get some sleep something bad would happen, and I had already fallen asleep holding her on the sofa and in the bed. Sometimes needs must 💐

Have you got anyone you can ask for support op? Friends or relatives? Be too shy or ashamed to ask. They're might be someone out there happy to cuddle the baby in day while you nap, or help with chores etc.

Ask hv too.

OP you're doing wonderfully and you've had lots of ideas, I have no more to see add apart from cosleeping helped loads!

This thread has reminded me why I love mumsnet, it's so lovely and comforting to read.

I went through this 3 month hell and I am holding your hand. It doesn't last for ever. Some of the tips on here might help but it's really just doing little things to help you survive the sleep deprivation and not feel overwhelmed. You're doing a great job of keeping your baby safe and looked after. If you weren't, this wouldn't be so hard. You'll get through tonight. Thinking about it is the worse part.

If you have a limited support network maybe see if there are any church toddler groups. They are run to support parents - no need to be a church goer - and nearly always free. Good to have a coffee and meet other people in the same situation. NCT provided me with some support too.

Tomorrow will be a new day. Lower your expectations of what you will get done. Prioritise a nap or some rest time in front of the tv above everything else. As long as there is a days worth of food and nappies in the house nothing needs to get done.

You've got this!

You are doing great and it’s perfectly understandable to feel exhausted and over it. I hated the constant crying, and I became so tired and stressed especially when unsure of the cause . Everyone agrees sleep deprivation when parenting young babies is the worst.

She may have a virus but or something?
Sounds like you are doing all the right things and that you’re a great mum.
Could be irrelevant but sometimes babies become uncomfortable in their clothes such as when too tight on growing legs or a tiny thread gets caught on a little finger or toe inside the clothes. Hope you both get some snatches of sleep for a bit, and if needed, see doctor tomorrow

Life with a little baby is so hard, and made much worse when you're on your own. You're doing an amazing job being so responsive to your baby, I promise what she's doing is 100% normal. I'm on dc3 and she's 10 weeks, doing exactly this. We've hunkered down to co sleeping and surviving, I know it's not forever so just riding the wave. You will sleep again, it feels like you won't but you will.

Babies this age have no survival mechanism, you're literally it, so your baby is wired to be near you, cry for you and elicit your nurturing response. It's not that they're unhappy, they just need you.

Try a sling - they are regulated by your heartbeat and breathing.

Keep posting, the mums on here are your support and will cheer you on. I'm so sorry your partner left what an absolutely awful thing to happen.

💐🍰

As for the sling OP can’t wear it and go to sleep can she, bit pointless?

Look up safe cosleeping from the lullaby trust website and just get some rest. You have the bed to yourself and your baby so why not use it. My 2nd baby just wouldn't settle n the cot and co sleeping saved me. Co sleeping is way less stressful and dangerous than leaving a tiny baby to cry and feel abandoned.