Please help me cope tonight I can’t do this anymore

[Arghhh111]

I am at my wits end. three month old baby’s dad left when she was 2 weeks old, heard absolutely nothing and so I am completely alone. She was fine for the first three months up until last week when she just will NOT sleep more than two hours and even that seems to be getting shorter. She’s slept for max 45 mins today in three short bursts.

I am dreading tonight. I can’t cope. I am resentful with my ex which isn’t helping and I don’t understand where this sudden inability to sleep has come from.

I’ve used infacol as thought it could be colic due to the crying, week later no change.

ive fed on demand as I usually do, with extra offering right before I go to bed at 11:30.

ive made sure the room is warm enough.

ive kept it dark.

she’s not got a temperature and doesn’t need nappy changing.

I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s nobody else to help either. Right now she’s just mildly crying in the cot next to the bed, when I pick her up she will have a tiny bit of milk but not really be interested in it. So she’s not really hungry.

i can’t do this anymore

Look into the co sleeping safe guidelines as tells you how to do it safely and the correct position. I think it says only safe if breastfeeding though but I’m not 100% on that

youre doing the most amazing job under tough circumstances. You’ve got this! We co-slept having dobt lots of research. 7 years on we still cosleep part of every night!!! But it absolutely worked for us. If baby is better on their own and sleeps in silence, get a monitor and keep it with you for piece of mind. Go check before you go to sleep. We still use the monitor now because we have all become so used to the womb noises it makes!!!

fresh air, if you drive go for a meander (we had a lie flat car seat that made a difference, but our one had silent reflux which made life hard)

you will get through this phase, keep going

Uch I feel your pain, I think most if not all mothers have suffered through this stage so at least you know your not alone

Anbesol for babies gums

Gripe water

Lay baby on back and move legs around to express any gas

Bath/shower with lavender products and baby massage with lavender massage

Book and or singing before bed

Next to me cot / snuzpod an option for you?

White noise, brown noise, pink noise - have a look on you tube there ones with black screens so you can have it on all night or try music

Get a dimmer lamp and slowly dim the light over a 15 minute period

Baby mobile above crib

Make sure bedroom temperature is between 15-20 I believe but check on NHS

if you swaddle the baby then maybe that's not working for yours so try a different way to swaddle, if you baby is big enough for a sleeping bag then try that or visa versa

Speak to GP check it's not reflux and if it is ask about is it safe for you to tilt the cot so the baby isn't lying flat

Can anyone help you even if they could watch your baby for two hours one morning so you can just sleep?

You are doing an amazing job. This stage is hard enough and you are doing it solo.

I would try calpol for sure. If it works it was almost certainly needed. My first had so many random crying bouts that we had calpol upstairs and downstairs.

read the guidance about co-sleeping and see if you can make sense of it for tonight.

for tomorrow my strategy was get out house for a while. Get a walk in the fresh air then back home. Get snuggled into bed together (push the bed to the wall, no duvet or cushion) and try to get a good long stretch - if not sleep try to relax. The other thing I remember working randomly was bonjela - way before teething was likely. I tried it in desperation and she cracked put a 3 hour nap.

best of luck - these phases can push you terribly hard

Have you tried co sleeping ? If you have a big double bed to yourself it's worth a try.
She may just want to be with you.

Parenting is hard at times especially but I co slept with both of my boys. Sometimes they still end up in my bed just so we can have a full nights sleep.

You can do it mama, you're doing a fantastic job 🤍

I agree. Impossible to know unless you try. I’d also try co sleeping after reading up about the safe sleep 7. A dummy may help as well, or a love to dream swaddle up, my DC loved theirs.
If you bring them into your bed following the advice to co-sleep safely. Even if they cry for a bit you’re right there and can comfort them. They’re not alone in a cot wondering where you are.
They'll feel better for getting a good sleep and the best thing for a baby is a happy rested Mum. You could also ring your HV or even GP for some support.
Keep posting as well, so you don’t feel as alone with it all. As others have said babies change so regularly, especially when they’re so tiny, so it’s very, very unlikely this will last too long.

Especially when it comes to sleeping*

Keep going you've got this!

My son started teething at 8 weeks. Try her with calpol x

Sounds really tough. Hang in there. One day and one night at a time.

I had a baby on my own and remember how lonely it could be at times. She was a terrible sleeper.

Things that helped me
Set yourself up to be as cosy as possible.

If sleeping just isn't happening try and make sure you have nice herbal teas, treats to keep your strength up and plenty of shit TV to distract yourself.

If poss go to bed super early.

I found I felt a lot better when I just accepted I was going to be permanently tired almost every day for a while. It stopped me feeling so angry. It took some time to get to that point though. I found that when I accepted it I could also sleep better when I did get the chance.

Your baby's dad is missing out. End of. You should be very proud of what you are achieving and experiencing.

I’ve read that babies carried a lot in slings cry much less than non-sling babies. Not sure if it’s the position being good for their digestion or just being happy close to you. I won’t add anything to the night time suggestions as there seems loads of good advice but maybe try time in the sling in the day. Can you afford any paid help? Even a few hours twice a week? Look up the doula uk website if so. Just got a bit of respite. Or just get any friend or family over to pop baby in a sling to go fit a nice long walk so you can sleep!

You poor thing, that sounds SO tough, and having to cope all by yourself aswell, you're doing so well.

Its really good you've posted here....and i think if you are struggling to cope it is really important you reach out to others in RL too, be that professionals such as your health visitor, or family or friends if that's an option.
If you have no friends or family who can help share the load, is paying for some childcare such as a couple of days a week at a childminder or even a home help an option if you'd feel able to do so, to enable you to get a break?

Tonight may feel hard but if you have a plan as to how you can change things going forward that might make it feel easier.

Babies go through many phases with sleeping, but many times they pass and things do settle down again.x

My DS hit the 4 month sleep regression at 3 months and it was horrific. Take her to GP and make sure it not reflux or whatever, tell your HV what’s going on and honestly how you’re feeling, take all the help you can get from anyone who offers and honestly, co sleep. It saved my bacon.
Keep going mama, it will get better xx

I coslept with all of mine, it can be done safely, not sure what the current guidelines say. I slept so much more that way though.

You can't help it but she could also be picking up on your stress.Anyone in your situation would be incredibly stressed.
I hope you have someone you can talk to. Lots of luck to you,you can do this❤️

No advice to add but wanted to say what an idiot your ex is.
You will get through this.

Bloody Hell, OP, you're doing a good job of this. It's hard enough when there's another adult to give you a break, so what you are doing is little short of miraculous.

Some of what I say will be outdated (DC are between 18 and 22), but it worked for me :

Swaddling helped them all to sleep.

One just wanted to suck something - anything - so had a dummy (I swore blind no child of mine would ever have a dummy, but it helped that particular child over a sleeping hump, and we ditched it as soon as he discovered his thumb).

Leave them to cry for a bit. Not if they become severely distressed, obviously, but just for a bit. I found it really hard with DC1, but easier with others as you just don't have the time for sitting/rocking/100% attention with them.

No co-sleeping, because it stores up problems for the future. Everyone in their own bed.

FWIW, I can't remember about teething ages, but red cheeks and fist-sucking would suggest teething, so I'd try Calpol in case she's in pain. People over-use Calpol or think it has some kind of sedative properties, but it doesn't: it's just paracetamol. Nothing else. So only give it if you think there is an actual reason for it - not as a soothing thing.

As I say, you are doing a fantastic job and before you know it, you'll have a fascinating, delightful, interesting toddler and you'll forget the baby bit.

Try white noise at night while she sleeps. I don't mean a tiny little Shawn the sheep thing, try proper white noise. An actual fan on for example, or play it through an app such as calm or sound sleeper.

My babies wouldn't sleep in silence. They're now at school and still sleep to the sound of a waterfall!

She is falling asleep now should I let her or keep her awake given it’s so close to night time?

i am going through the responses now, thank you so so so much

Take your baby to your bed like most of the mothers do in the world .
sling in daytime
xx

Co-sleep and sleep when she does was what it took for me. I was on maternity leave so didn't have to do much in the day save for the laundry and some basic household things. If she didn't settle quickly I would change my mental state from "I need to sleep, what can I do to get her to sleep?" to "We're awake... let's go downstairs and I'll have a cup of tea and put a series on and we'll sleep when she's ready". It's bloody tough though, so you have my empathy.

Let her sleep now. Sleep begets sleep and it is bedtime pretty much

I have two that were terrible sleepers. I was on my own with the first and the second I might as well have been. It’s TOUGH. If she will settle co sleeping definitely do it. It can be done as safely as possible. I used to wear a fleecy onesie to keep me warm and avoid the duvet. Second dd liked those arms up swaddles things and a dummy

Jusy let her sleep. Maybe try some calpol if she wakes up again. I'd look into cosleeping, it's all about survival with these phases so just do whatever gets you through. You can do it though, and the rough stages do pass!

False alarm, absolute hysteria again !!