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Original poster

partner does not accept daughter

289 replies

Dom1990 · 16/01/2023 17:35

need some advice my girlfriend who was great with my daughter at first does not want to be around my daughter, her words are i want to be with you does not mean i need to be involved with your daughter.

when i have my daughter ( twice a week ) she used to stay in the bedroom or go out now she's will just watch tv and create an atmosphere.

she does not agree with way i parent and says I baby my daughter acts a bit babyish for her age, may be true i'm
not sure, my daughter has no behavioural issues and i have only received good comments on her behaviour from family and school can not speak any more highly of her.

my parter gets jealous if i sit in my daughters bedroom with her and play and says she always comes first,

there was a time she come out the bedroom and didn't even acknowledge my daughter was here and once she left i questioned her and she said well" she didn't say hello to me either"

when i ask my daughter what she thinks of my daughter she said she likes her she does not notice that she does not enrage with her yet but i'm sure she picks up on the atmosphere.

my daughter is turning 8 soon.

anyone else experience similar situation, my worry is this will get worse not better

OP posts:
mummylondon16 · 16/01/2023 19:41

Run. Now
that is a dealbreaker.
she will never accept your child and if she declares to later she may cause your child emotional harm

BreatheAndFocus · 16/01/2023 19:42

End the relationship! She sounds horrible. No way should you be exposing your daughter to this situation. Put your daughter first.

Fladdermus · 16/01/2023 19:42

She's toxic and harming your child. How long will you allow it to continue for?

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JustJustWhy · 16/01/2023 19:43

The fact that you're here asking strangers on the internet about what to do speaks volumes about you as a "mother".

piedbeauty · 16/01/2023 19:44

Ditch the girlfriend. She's too immature to be with a man who has a child. She's horrible to your dd. Your dd should come first.

JanuaryBug · 16/01/2023 19:45

AllOfThemWitches · 16/01/2023 19:29

Not everyone's future involves a 'blended' family and living together. How narrow minded. 😆

Show quote history

No, but if you get with someone who has kids you have to expect that if the relationship is to progress that a blended family is part and parcel of that.

If she doesn't want to acknowledge her partner's child then what is she doing with someone who has children in the first place? Is she expecting him to stop seeing his daughter because she doesn't like her?

LikeTearsInRain · 16/01/2023 19:46

Bin her off and let he find a childless man and you can find someone who actually wants to engage with your daughter and have great times all together.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/01/2023 19:47

AlienatedChildGrown · 16/01/2023 17:54

Romantic partners are like library books. You can take them back where they came from if the story isn’t going how you hoped, and get a new one another day, when you feel like it and you have time to read.

Your child is more like a signed first edition of a rare book that is priceless. You risk damaging that then you risk grieving for what you’ve broken or lost. And time machines cannot be bought on Amazon. Which sucks arse. But there’s nothing we can do about it.

Great analogies! I couldn't have said it better.

OP, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. DD does and must come first. 🌹

ComfortablyDazed · 16/01/2023 19:48

JustJustWhy · 16/01/2023 19:43

The fact that you're here asking strangers on the internet about what to do speaks volumes about you as a "mother".

He’s the father.

rayraymck · 16/01/2023 19:50

She's toxic

Abcdefgh1234 · 16/01/2023 19:50

Its gonna get worse. You daughter only 8 now imagine if she is a teenager. You partner will be more jealous. Sje is not a good woman. No one should come between a father and daughter.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 16/01/2023 19:51

The fact that your girlfriend says she should come first tells you all you need to know. She’s showing you who she really is, so believe her and get rid because this will get worse as your daughter gets older.

VariantHela · 16/01/2023 19:51

Your daughter will always come first though won't she? Dump the girlfriend.

MilkyYay · 16/01/2023 19:51

Bin her.

my parter gets jealous if i sit in my daughters bedroom with her and play and says she always comes first

The answer you should have given here is "yes, my daughter does always come first, of course."

Devilou666 · 16/01/2023 19:51

She's jealous of 2 days a week when she gets you alone for the other 5,I know who's acting childishly and it's not your 7 year old.

AllOfThemWitches · 16/01/2023 19:52

No, but if you get with someone who has kids you have to expect that if the relationship is to progress that a blended family is part and parcel of that.

Don't be so silly, lots of people cope without having to move everyone in together. In fact, you only need to look for step parenting threads on here to see it's often a terrible idea.

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 16/01/2023 19:52

Do yourself and your daughter a favour…run for the hills! There’s no way I’d tolerate that sort of behaviour from a partner. My kids come first.

changeme4this · 16/01/2023 19:54

You were a package deal from the very start and should remain so until the very end. It’s fine if your GF has changed her mind, but off she trots.

don’t subject her immature behaviour to your child. And I will have a bet as well what you are seeing is only part of how poorly she treats your child when you are not in the room.

Appleass · 16/01/2023 19:55

What are you doing with this evil, nasty bitch ! If you have any feelings for your poor little girl you will get rid of this woman immediately !!

Mummyto2rugrats · 16/01/2023 19:57

Sorry time to get rid, your daughter is your priority and always will be she dated you knowing you had a daughter so should be willing to accept and have her in her life also.

What would happen if you marry and have kids of your own together she would treat them different and your daughter will notice and will resent you for not given her the same loving home as her step siblings

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/01/2023 19:57

I can only echo what everyone else is saying.

Your DD MUST come first. She is a young child, her world has been disrupted when you and her mum split and the most important thing is that she doesn't feel unloved or unwanted.

If your GF can't accept that your child comes first, then you need to break up with her.

Bookworm333 · 16/01/2023 19:58

AlienatedChildGrown · 16/01/2023 17:54

Romantic partners are like library books. You can take them back where they came from if the story isn’t going how you hoped, and get a new one another day, when you feel like it and you have time to read.

Your child is more like a signed first edition of a rare book that is priceless. You risk damaging that then you risk grieving for what you’ve broken or lost. And time machines cannot be bought on Amazon. Which sucks arse. But there’s nothing we can do about it.

Love the book analogy! Nice.

Completely agree. You only get one daughter. She's not replaceable and she will only have one childhood. Lots of lovely women out there who will understand and welcome the fact you have a child. Ditch the cow OP and I promise someone a million times better will come along to replace her.

BeeAFreeBird · 16/01/2023 19:59

It’s not looking good OP.

Your partner’s displaying aggressively jealous behaviour, which is a major red flag and early indicator of an abusive relationship to come. That transition will happen gradually over time to avoid scaring you off and to normalise increasingly disturbing behaviour.

You’re on mumsnet because your intuition is telling you that something is wrong. Listen to your instincts and get out of there before you’re in too deep. You and your daughter will both benefit immensely from sidestepping the drama.

Good luck with it!

Bertha21 · 16/01/2023 20:00

Most partners would want to be involved with your life. Your daughter is your life. She comes first. I think you probably know this. Yes it probably will get worse. Your daughter is young. As she gets older she will pick up your partners behaviour. You deserve someone who respects your family.

Octopusmittens · 16/01/2023 20:04

Floomobal · 16/01/2023 17:37

I would dump her, because she sounds like a bitch, and your daughter should come first. She’s 7

This. Don’t stay with her another second.

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