What's so bad about sitting on the couch?

[Getthefiregoing]

I was talking to another mum about my routine with my toddler and she seemed absolutely aghast that I spent most of my afternoon relaxing on the sofa. Almost like I was neglecting my child not to be down on the play mat playing with him all afternoon. I thought, fuck that! But wondered what other people think.

Here's our routine. One child, 17months old:

7 o'clock: he wakes up, we have breakfast and I put one of his favourite programmes on the tele while he potters about in the living room with his toys and I put some laundry on.

9 o'clock: we head out for the morning. We live by the sea so if it's dry we'll go to the beach or there's a local kiddies farm park place that we like to go to. Lots of baby groups in the town too so most days there's the option of an activity like that as well (church playgroup or book bug at the library etc) We go out every single morning without fail unless he's sick.

11:30/12:00: home for lunch and a nap. I will do some housework or whatever I need to do. Or I just have some time to myself or have a nap too. We have a small flat and it doesn't take much looking after. I'm also not going to break my back doing unnecessary housework- the flat is clean and tidy and that's just fine.

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time

5ish : dinner
6ish: bath
7/7:30: boobs book and bed!

Other mum was shocked that often I nap for up to 3 hours and then chill on the sofa for another couple of hours each day.

I don't see the problem. I will return to work when he starts nursery at 2 and we're also thinking about having another child. I spent a year of hellish nights- it was exhausting. Soon enough we could have two kids and I won't have the same time to nap or relax when I want. Why not enjoy it now?

Sounds great and like it works for you, I had a similar routine on my days off when mine were small.

It is great! Surely maternity leave is to be enjoyed. It was so tough in the early days there's no way I'm going to be a martyr and scrubbing floors while he's napping. I also got the sense that I was judged for not spending my afternoons down at his level occupying him. He occupies himself beautifully and honestly, playing with toy cars, pots and pans or a basket of laundry is his idea of fun, not mine.

Sounds great! Absolutely nothing wrong with getting some time to nap/chill out when you can!!

Other than swapping tv for music I did the same. I can't stand childrens tv 🤣. My poor deprived children were late to tv and then I went vintage cartoons so less pester power for toys win win.

I think a 3 hour nap and 2 hours on the sofa most days is lazy and unproductive but it really doesn’t matter what I think. It’s your life and you should live it your own way

I think it's about balance, as always. If he naps for 3 hours that seems like a lot of downtime for you to be honest, would it then not be better to engage with the play for a bit. Matching the socks. Talking about colours and basic counting etc. Toddlers do need attention and conversation to thrive.

We go vintage too!

Original Postman Pat, Pingu, Old Bear Stories etc

Enjoy it!!!!

Dunno but I do know I'm envious, neither of mine would have allowed me that unfortunately 🤣 make the most of it op

What else should I be doing with my time?

Some afternoons we also go out as well as in the morning as some days we take a drive to visit family. But I prefer to just do a morning activity as I think it's nice for him to learn how to be content at home

Other than that, the laundry is done, I put something in the slow cooker once he's down for his nap so dinner is sorted, the flat is hoovered and clean... what else should I be doing?

It sounds fine to me - as long as you are "available" to them, as in, you are interacting, responding if he wants to show you something etc. It's really beneficial for children to play independently, with an adult close by if the child wants to interact on their own terms.

🍿

I think enjoy it. My DS was pretty good at independent play at that age but now spends literally every moment of the day shouting 'Mama come here' and 'Mama do this'.

Sounds like a great day and a great balance.

You don't have to be constantly playing and keeping them entertained. They need to have independent play time too!

Enjoy this time together and quiet afternoons!

Well I don't ignore the boy if I'm doing some housework he joins in. I chat to him and he "helps" with jobs. I sometimes get down and play or read. But if he's content I like to leave him alone. Sometimes on a whim in the afternoon we'll go out again to the park and feed the ducks.

But yes, I like to sit on my bum with a book a lot of the time. Sometimes he'll bring books to the couch from his little bookshelf and thrust them at me and we cuddle up to read them. I love when he does that.

Your username is so fitting too!!

What @CleopatrasBeautifulNose said, I was not permitted by my baby/toddler to sit anywhere but on the floor with her and if my attention strayed from her I’d be quickly reprimanded. It was hard work! All children are different and it sounds like you have a child who is happy to play independently and who naps well and you’re taking full advantage.

Yes this too! It could all change any day!

God what if my second is like this? I'll look back wistfully with a tear in my eye.

All I can say is I'm jealous! Enjoy xx

Sounds lovely! Don’t see any problem with it

Sounds similar to me. I've never hovered over my children playing, though I'm always around and we chat. Sometimes i'll be mumsnetting or on my kindle or doing some work on my laptop.

My son is year 1 now and school always comment on what a good vocabulary he has and he's apparently one of the better ones in the class for being able to get on with his work independently. So I can't have been doing it all wrong.

As long as it is a book and not your phone its fine.

What's the difference?