What's so bad about sitting on the couch?

[Getthefiregoing]

I was talking to another mum about my routine with my toddler and she seemed absolutely aghast that I spent most of my afternoon relaxing on the sofa. Almost like I was neglecting my child not to be down on the play mat playing with him all afternoon. I thought, fuck that! But wondered what other people think.

Here's our routine. One child, 17months old:

7 o'clock: he wakes up, we have breakfast and I put one of his favourite programmes on the tele while he potters about in the living room with his toys and I put some laundry on.

9 o'clock: we head out for the morning. We live by the sea so if it's dry we'll go to the beach or there's a local kiddies farm park place that we like to go to. Lots of baby groups in the town too so most days there's the option of an activity like that as well (church playgroup or book bug at the library etc) We go out every single morning without fail unless he's sick.

11:30/12:00: home for lunch and a nap. I will do some housework or whatever I need to do. Or I just have some time to myself or have a nap too. We have a small flat and it doesn't take much looking after. I'm also not going to break my back doing unnecessary housework- the flat is clean and tidy and that's just fine.

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time

5ish : dinner
6ish: bath
7/7:30: boobs book and bed!

Other mum was shocked that often I nap for up to 3 hours and then chill on the sofa for another couple of hours each day.

I don't see the problem. I will return to work when he starts nursery at 2 and we're also thinking about having another child. I spent a year of hellish nights- it was exhausting. Soon enough we could have two kids and I won't have the same time to nap or relax when I want. Why not enjoy it now?

Of course it's fine, very similar to my routine when my DS was that age ... he napped for three hours every afternoon- and went to bed at 7pm. He was super chilled ... perfectly happy playing independently on his own and amusing himself.. I rarely 'played' with him. (I may have just been very lucky .. and I never risked having a second DC ).

Absolutely. The martyr mum isn’t a good look

I suppose if I had that amount of time I’d maybe do some learning, reading, painting but it’d be downtime. Not sure I could nap 3 hours and then sleep well at night

I think some ppl on here rightfully don’t like the implication that they are making their small dcs hard work. As I said earlier i I didn’t entertain them all day, strongly believe in dcs entertaining themselves , I read lots to them, had a great selection of age appropriate toys on rotation but none of them were interested in toys till a lot older like 4ish. They were really adventurous and physical and played by moving constantly, they wouldn’t have stayed in one room for longer than 5 mins at that age tbh and it’s nothing to do with what we did /didn’t do. They would bolt, climb, try to open doors , windows , throw themselves off chairs etc etc. Not conducive to chilling on the couch 😂😂😂
There’s a lot of patting on the back vibes going on here which I can see some posters find irritating “ good on you for having a chilled child “ type of thing . Other parents make more work for themselves , noooo other parents have different types of dc.
Some of you had chilled out small dcs , others don’t . It changes constantly with dcs anyway particularly you can see this when you have multiples and have older kids. My dcs are all older , super fit and healthy and what was frustrating when they were smaller is now more positive in an older child person “motivation , drive , adventurous etc”

Sounds blissful. My eldest refused to sleep during the day so I never got any down time. Enjoy it while you can.

No, of course you don’t. I love books, too, but I also look at my phone. There’s definitely a difference in the way scrolling on your phone when in charge of a child is perceived, as opposed to being engrossed in a book. Logically, there’s not much basis for that, and I think class bias probably plays a big part.

Sounds like you’ve got your ducks in a row to me! Small places don’t need much. My favourite memories of being small are just like these afternoons you have.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Mine was very hard work until he could walk. He crawled early and I thought that would ease some of his frustration but he didn't really start to chill out until he could walk.

Thankfully the group of other mum friends I've made are all firmly of the belief that you should grab whatever time to yourself you can!

@Whatistheanswer2023

I suppose if I had that amount of time I’d maybe do some learning, reading, painting but it’d be downtime. Not sure I could nap 3 hours and then sleep well at night

I do read. That's what I spend a lot of the afternoons doing when he's happy pottering about, as I said before. Some of it is professional reading for CPD to maintain my right to practice. Some of it is around certain political issues I'm interested in. Some of it is just fiction.

I speak two languages other than English so some of my reading is in another language.

I like to do crossword books.

I have zero interest in painting so I've no idea why I would do that.

But yes, I like my sleep and I also enjoy some trivial nonsense on my phone and texting friends.

@Getthefiregoing having a hard work baby is all the reason WHY you should be doing exactly what your posts reads, I think people with easier babies don't understand that. But people need to do what they feel is right and not judge others. That's my motto anyway. Sounds like you have it good and a nice supportive friend club is exactly needed x

Sounds lovely. Enjoy it OP!

My first was like this; it was fantastic. I used to make him treasure boxes with household objects in different materials and he'd be absorbed in examining them for ages. My second was definitely not - would only catnap on me and dropped nap completely at 18 months and was constantly climbing and up to mischief- plus an atrocious sleeper at night. We were often in the park at 8am in a desperate attempt to tire her out. When I tried the treasure boxes with her, she'd just throw the items at the cat or the windows!

She's 10 now and still a (gorgeous) busy, needy whirlwind. My first remains quiet, gentle and happiest chilling out with the tv or a book.

So yes enjoy it while it lasts!

I have a 16 month old and we're out at 1-2 classes every day except for Sundays. We go to gymnastics, toddler sense, music bugs, stay and play, baby sensory (but it's his last class next week 😥), Rhythm Time and Baby Movers. We get the bus unless his dad isn't working and takes us as I can't drive. So with classes and travel time we can be out anywhere from 8:30am to around 3pm. Sometimes we're only out for 1-2 hours and sometimes it's more like 5. He is a really independent toddler and will spend hours playing by himself at home. He enjoys it so I see no problem with it and I'm always there if he needs/wants me. He usually only wants me if he's hungry or tired though so I do get to watch TV on the sofa a lot. Sometimes it's Bluey or Hey Duggee and sometimes it's wherever show I'm watching. He's not really interested in playing with us unless it's tickle time, spin time or dangle upside down time 🤷‍♀️😅 As he gets older I hope he will want to play with me as I'm sure it will be fun to make lots of memories and connect through his play 🤗

He also only naps on the bus in the carrier or in the car

Sounds brilliant to be fair.

Sounds lovely. I miss my kids being little.

I think you’ve nailed it. I never took naps because I had a difficult baby/toddler but also because I felt to guilty to nap even when my kid was napping. I was a wreck, and was sick all the time and it was for nothing.

Don’t let other people make you feel bad your schedules looks great and kids don’t need you to be in their faces all the time (another mistake I made).

I think you are doing great.

Oh, I really felt for you reading that. There's enough mum guilt going around without doing yourself out of sleep too x

Yes exactly what I thought! It’s clearly working for you and you’re happy with your routine and aren’t agreeing with anyone who dares questions you so why bother posting 😂 maybe to brag? Who knows