What's so bad about sitting on the couch?

[Getthefiregoing]

I was talking to another mum about my routine with my toddler and she seemed absolutely aghast that I spent most of my afternoon relaxing on the sofa. Almost like I was neglecting my child not to be down on the play mat playing with him all afternoon. I thought, fuck that! But wondered what other people think.

Here's our routine. One child, 17months old:

7 o'clock: he wakes up, we have breakfast and I put one of his favourite programmes on the tele while he potters about in the living room with his toys and I put some laundry on.

9 o'clock: we head out for the morning. We live by the sea so if it's dry we'll go to the beach or there's a local kiddies farm park place that we like to go to. Lots of baby groups in the town too so most days there's the option of an activity like that as well (church playgroup or book bug at the library etc) We go out every single morning without fail unless he's sick.

11:30/12:00: home for lunch and a nap. I will do some housework or whatever I need to do. Or I just have some time to myself or have a nap too. We have a small flat and it doesn't take much looking after. I'm also not going to break my back doing unnecessary housework- the flat is clean and tidy and that's just fine.

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time

5ish : dinner
6ish: bath
7/7:30: boobs book and bed!

Other mum was shocked that often I nap for up to 3 hours and then chill on the sofa for another couple of hours each day.

I don't see the problem. I will return to work when he starts nursery at 2 and we're also thinking about having another child. I spent a year of hellish nights- it was exhausting. Soon enough we could have two kids and I won't have the same time to nap or relax when I want. Why not enjoy it now?

I’m jealous! I’ve had ‘PLAY WITH ME’ bellowed at me since DS could talk, despite trying my best to encourage independent play 😂 enjoy it I say as if you have anymore they might not be so easy going!

Your child lets you chill, but not all children will happily play by themselves like that - it's pot luck which kind of child you get! Your friend obviously has the other type. With baby number two you realise how little is actually your parenting approach and how much is just down to your child's personality.

True. But I also realise I only alluded to the unnecessary housework bit and didn't make it explicit- she thinks nap time is for getting housework done, where I think it's for relaxing where possible.

Of course I don't do that every day. He naps for 3 hours so some days I'll spend an hour on housework. Or I'll do housework in the afternoon while he plays or follows me around. There's enough time to spend some of it napping and some afternoons on the couch while he potters.

After all my morning laundry ritual will be out the window if we have a second there will be so much more bloody laundry to do!

You're lucky he leaves you in peace. Go for it.

He doesn't always. Of course there are difficult days with sickness or teething. Or days where you've no idea what the reason is for him being stroppy or clingy And some afternoons he just spends the whole time bringing one book after another to me to read to him. But yes, more often he's content just playing by himself- a skill I hope he can continue to develop incase we decide we're not having anymore children!

I totally embraced the "nap when they nap" ethos. I definitely didn't run around doing housework when my baby napped. Me and DH had a cleaner and split the rest of the chores.

It's fine to do things your way. Your ds sounds perfectly happy.

You sound like a great mum
he gets to the beach and playgroups and is happy and content

why do people judge so much

How about a kindle - is that ok?

My house is definitely NOT always clean and tidy and I still use nap time to sit on my arse. Young children are hard work and I refuse to get more burnt out to adhere to others "wifey" standards

Aw thanks! He's not a happy boy if we don't go out. Afternoons are no fun then and he can be a terror! that's why we go out every morning no matter what the weather!!

I feel like there's sometimes a race to the bottom amongst mums about who's the most tired or busy and I'm trying to just enjoy the time as best I can

Enjoy every moment of it. You are doing it right for you and your baby. My first was exactly the same, the best time of my life.

@watcherintherye

I'm on my phone if I'm looking at Mumsnet. I don't see the problem. He's not the one on it and doesn't show any interest unless it's to show him photos of himself

So lovely.

Dare I ask, what happened when you had more children?

Sounds perfect! Lucky you to have such a chilled baby.

I think there is a difference.

Do what works for you.

A happy mum = a happy child.

I had a poking, prodding, crying, needy attention seeking baby who couldn't and still can't do anything on their own.
He's 8 now and still can't do anything unless he does it with me. He still prods me awake at 6am because he can't just BE unless I'm attached to him permanently so the thought of a three hour nap with a child in the house fills me with disbelief and envy.

Personally I'd feel scuzzy sitting on my phone for hours and hours during the day. I'd have to go for a walk in the afternoon at least. So it doesn't sound that fun to me. But obviously if you enjoy it then it's fine.

Yes, I’ve never understood the snobbery around phones. As long as parents put them down when their child wants to talk to them, same as with a book, what’s the difference? Or do some people think that’s it’s ok to ignore your child if you’re engrossed in War & Peace?

@Greatly

I'm not on my phone for hours and hours. Except right now

I might look at Mumsnet for a bit, might read, might have a cup of tea and a biscuit, maybe listen to a podcast, just have a wee lie down on the couch with a blanket and watch my son potter with his toys.

I can think of a million ways to pass a couple of hours between nap and dinner time. Yesterday I spent it writing thank you cards for Christmas and answering some emails. Then I sat on the couch with my cat and gave my son a bag of chestnuts and various tins and containers to occupy him.

I feel like I did my time with the endless months of contact naps. Sometimes we nap together in my bed in the afternoon and I enjoy it. But when it was the only way he'd sleep that gets tough after a while. Also now he doesn't need to physically sleep on me, just cuddled up with me or next to me.

Or do some people think that’s it’s ok to ignore your child if you’re engrossed in War & Peace

I have a book called "The Idle Parent" that would make some people's toes curl !

@Greatly

I'd love to know the difference

Sounds lovely, OP.

Tbh though I am shocked, and if you told me this in-person I might well seem shocked - only because I'm jealous you still get 3 hour naps! Mine is a little over a year old now, and we'd only get away with a three hour nap if he was ill. On a normal day, he wakes himself up after 1.5 hours and any more than 2 hours means he'll probably not go to sleep again before 11pm 🙃

Fully on board with your philosophy that nap time is not work time though lol. My son is a clinger and generally won't stay asleep if I'm not next to him. So nap time is break time for me, I sit on the bed while he sleeps and read, knit, or (the horror!) go on my phone. Or I might even nap too. It's never occurred to me to have the slightest guilt over this, and I won't start today! Life is meant to be enjoyed.

Well reading a book is probably better for your mental health - and when your baby grows up a bit its nice for them to see you reading instead of on tiktok, but I really love books and reading. I realise I sound like a wanker.