What's so bad about sitting on the couch?

[Getthefiregoing]

I was talking to another mum about my routine with my toddler and she seemed absolutely aghast that I spent most of my afternoon relaxing on the sofa. Almost like I was neglecting my child not to be down on the play mat playing with him all afternoon. I thought, fuck that! But wondered what other people think.

Here's our routine. One child, 17months old:

7 o'clock: he wakes up, we have breakfast and I put one of his favourite programmes on the tele while he potters about in the living room with his toys and I put some laundry on.

9 o'clock: we head out for the morning. We live by the sea so if it's dry we'll go to the beach or there's a local kiddies farm park place that we like to go to. Lots of baby groups in the town too so most days there's the option of an activity like that as well (church playgroup or book bug at the library etc) We go out every single morning without fail unless he's sick.

11:30/12:00: home for lunch and a nap. I will do some housework or whatever I need to do. Or I just have some time to myself or have a nap too. We have a small flat and it doesn't take much looking after. I'm also not going to break my back doing unnecessary housework- the flat is clean and tidy and that's just fine.

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time

5ish : dinner
6ish: bath
7/7:30: boobs book and bed!

Other mum was shocked that often I nap for up to 3 hours and then chill on the sofa for another couple of hours each day.

I don't see the problem. I will return to work when he starts nursery at 2 and we're also thinking about having another child. I spent a year of hellish nights- it was exhausting. Soon enough we could have two kids and I won't have the same time to nap or relax when I want. Why not enjoy it now?

@Greatly

I do both. Reading or phone. I just do what I fancy. I also have a Nintendo switch which I love but there's no way I can play that without him wanting to fiddle with all the buttons!

I don't have social media other than Mumsnet. Endless scrolling on tiktok definitely can't be good.

It's bloody wonderful! I did exactly the same. ☺️ and mine is happy, healthy and thriving!

@BubziOwl

I never thought I should feel guilty either! I thought the general consensus was that kids are hard work so take the good times where you can and save your strength for the hard times.

It's cemented for time that we won't be looking for a bigger house until we really need to. Small house = easier to manage with housework

I definitely can't stay awake if he's in bed with me it's like being in bed with the cat, they're so cosy they send me straight to sleep!

All children need a bit of benign neglect. If they are constantly entertained they never learn how to entertain themselves. A little boredom is good for the imagination. You're there if he needs you. Enjoy the sofa!

I feel like I did my time with the endless months of contact naps

Some of us did this AND still have a very demanding toddler/child to deal with. But as I said, I and no doubt your friend are jealous of your luck!

I think this sounds lovely OP. Also think it's nice for children to see their parents relaxing, I often feel bad I spend so much time rushing around (I have 3 kids though!) you don't sounds lazy at all, you do things with your child and get things done so no biggie

Wish I would have been able to do that. Don’t see the problem really, as they get bigger they need more exercise so you may as well get a rest now. I felt utterly burned out by sleep deprivation (had a terrible sleeper who also wanted constant attention) so yup enjoy!

Mine is similar but more house work . I would love to do less but theres always so much washing and dishes, and my 18m eats like a demon so I'm always making food. I would love to have a nap, but my sleep is all fked up. Sounds good to me, especially since your DC is getting out and about every morning.

I think there’s a balance. That’s a lot of time asleep or sitting on your sofa when you’ve got a young child. They need interaction as well, it’s great he plays well on his own or is he just sitting watching the TV? But make time for play. It sounds like you’re happy to take him out but don’t see the value in playing with him in the house? You said you read a lot, which is great to model to him but why don’t you read to him without him having to ask you? Sometimes children learn not to ask if their parent is busy.

I read books on the kindle app on my phone. I can’t see how it’s any different reading the news etc on my phone, or reading it from an actual newspaper?

I am so jealous of your 3hr naps! Ours dropped naps completely at 17m!!

I will also add that make sure he’s used to interacting. Lots of children these days are used to watching TV and/or playing alone and struggle when they come to Nursery and need to interact.

I've talked about that in the thread. Of course I play with him and read to him without him asking. But, very often, if he's happy I do leave him to it.

This morning he watched 20 minutes of a favourite programme while I got breakfast ready. Now he's happily reading books by himself. At 9 we're getting dressed for the rain and going to the local farm park.

This afternoon I've got pasta shapes for his tuff tray and diggers and I'll play with him for a bit but then I'm leaving him to it.

It is a lot of sleep and it's bliss. I loved my sleep before he came along and I'm making up for a year of not enough of it!

Dear God this is definitely not an issue. We go to toddler groups most weekdays. He has a lovely cohort of friends and I have a huge group of other mum friends. We enjoy going to each other's houses of an afternoon to relax and chat while the kids get on with it.

I wouldn’t say it’s snobbery but children pick up on parents reading books, which tends to interest them in reading. Looking at your phone could be reading something enlightening or it could be watching endless YouTube! Children need more interactions, more time being read to and more time being spoken to without a phone in their parents hand. You only have to see parents pushing buggies along talking or texting on their phone instead of interacting with their toddlers to see the impact phones have on young children.

Now he's happily reading books by himself

At 17 months?

Yes. Of course he can't read the words he just sits with his basket of books and looks through all the pages at the pictures or lifts the flaps.

@Krakenes

I am so jealous of your 3hr naps! Ours dropped naps completely at 17m

Oh cripes maybe my time is limited!! Better enjoy it while it lasts

Listen OP, you sound like a lovely parent. I’m only interested because Im an Early Years teacher (who is currently letting my primary school children watch TV so I can go on mumsnet praising parents interacting with children 😄) But seriously, it’s about balance. It’s great he can play on his own, lots of children at his young age wouldn’t be able to.

Sounds very similar to our routine!!!

Sometimes I'll pop on a podcast while mine is playing and she leaves me to listen to it as long as I'm in the same room

This is a Weird comment my 15 month old spend aaages 'reading' books usually after I've read a few to him he likes to sit with them on his own (but with me close by) and turn the pages babbling. Its not unusual for them to like books before actually reading

I don't always get down and play either OP, it's good for them to learn to make their own entertainment for a bit, as well as playing together - everything in moderation.

I live for the days he accidentally falls asleep on me and I just decide to stay cosied up with him and nod off myself - it won't last forever so I'm taking the opportunity while I can!

You are doing great. So many mums in here make bloody hard work of it. A toddler really shouldn't be that difficult to look after. His going out every day and his being stimulated just fine. They should play with their toys and not need constant attention all of the time keep doing what you are doing and take no notice of others their kids are probably constantly moaning

I’m sure it’s lovely, but tbh I don’t think your post is much more than a stealth boast. You seem fine with you doing you, so why are you looking for opinions?

I read this as "I never hoovered around my children" like some ultimate one upmanship 😁