What's so bad about sitting on the couch?

[Getthefiregoing]

I was talking to another mum about my routine with my toddler and she seemed absolutely aghast that I spent most of my afternoon relaxing on the sofa. Almost like I was neglecting my child not to be down on the play mat playing with him all afternoon. I thought, fuck that! But wondered what other people think.

Here's our routine. One child, 17months old:

7 o'clock: he wakes up, we have breakfast and I put one of his favourite programmes on the tele while he potters about in the living room with his toys and I put some laundry on.

9 o'clock: we head out for the morning. We live by the sea so if it's dry we'll go to the beach or there's a local kiddies farm park place that we like to go to. Lots of baby groups in the town too so most days there's the option of an activity like that as well (church playgroup or book bug at the library etc) We go out every single morning without fail unless he's sick.

11:30/12:00: home for lunch and a nap. I will do some housework or whatever I need to do. Or I just have some time to myself or have a nap too. We have a small flat and it doesn't take much looking after. I'm also not going to break my back doing unnecessary housework- the flat is clean and tidy and that's just fine.

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time

5ish : dinner
6ish: bath
7/7:30: boobs book and bed!

Other mum was shocked that often I nap for up to 3 hours and then chill on the sofa for another couple of hours each day.

I don't see the problem. I will return to work when he starts nursery at 2 and we're also thinking about having another child. I spent a year of hellish nights- it was exhausting. Soon enough we could have two kids and I won't have the same time to nap or relax when I want. Why not enjoy it now?

You didn't mention the going out in the afternoon in your OP.

I'm another one who's not sure what you wanted from this thread, as your description of your friend as aghast sounds a bit smug. Sleeping for 3 hours a day then spending all afternoon on your phone sounds like my worst nightmare, but if it makes you happy and your boy is happy and doing well then all power to you. Yes of course, life gets busier when you have more children, but some parents thrive on the chaos and busyness and are happy not spending hours and hours sleeping or mumsnetting.

Fair enough. I suppose I was being overly literal - to me reading is comprehending words. I was impressed for a 17 mo 😅

Sounds fantastic to me. It’s a great skill for children to learn to amuse themselves and as long as this is encouraged positively i.e. you applaud the tower, and give necessary attention- it sounds perfect.

Also remember this is likely to be the most time off “work” (yes child raising is also work- I mean paid employment) you will have until you retire so make the most of it!!

Carebearstartrek · Yesterday 23:12

Enjoy every moment of it. You are doing it right for you and your baby. My first was exactly the same, the best time of my life.

So lovely.

Dare I ask, what happened when you had more children?

Just had my second baby so it's all a little busier now, enjoy this time with your first baby. All good do (with second baby) if your baby plays by themselves and you can read your kindle do it, and sleep as much as you want to. Don't be minding what other people say.

Enjoy it while it lasts. My DD had her last ever daytime nap at 23m. I tried everything but she just didn't need it anymore.

If I seemed surprised at you describing your day it would be because a) I don't know any mums who were able to have two years off work and b) I'm self employed so had to restart work, albeit on a very part time basis, when DD was two months old. By the time she was a toddler she was in nursery three days a week so maybe there's a teensy bit of jealousy on my part!

I'm work freelance in a high paying field. So does my husband. We also live in a very small flat which we own outright and intend to stay as long as we can to save money. I'll return to work when he starts nursery.

Definitely intend to enjoy it while it lasts!

To PP who seems annoyed that I didn't outline my entire life in my first post, some afternoons we go out. Of course we do. Life isn't the exact same every day. Next week we have an afternoon out for a family birthday party. But mostly we go out in the mornings and stay in in the afternoons. I also don't know why you're obsessed with a fictional idea that I spend the entire afternoon every day on my phone.

We're off out now to the farm then we actually might be visiting a friend this afternoon she has a lovely wee girl who also needs little entertaining so we can sit and chat while the kids pootle about.

As to the PP who asked what the point of me looking for opinions was, well the mum I spoke to seemed chiding in her attitude and made me feel like I was parenting wrong. She has a very easy going wee girl but she runs about like a blue arsed fly doing housework and likes to do a lot of Pinterest type play that I just can't be bothered with.

I don't think you're doing any wrong. It's fine to have chill out time as long as you're engaging with your DC when they're awake if they try to engage you and you're not just using the TV to entertain them. I also think it's great for kids to see their parents reading books!

You're out every morning doing good activities.

I think you know deep down that you're doing everything fine so assuming you're on top of cleaning, household admin etc. why the hell not chill out?! And ignore your friend...

also don't know why you're obsessed with a fictional idea that I spend the entire afternoon every day on my phone

Erm perhaps because that's more or less what you said.

Children of all ages should be given books, they might not read the words but their eyes are getting used to seeing the pattern of words, the pictures of course and the act of being stimulated by the book and turning the pages

Do you actually know any children?

Yes, I have one of my own who is very keen on books. I’ve already said upthread that I thought the choice of the word ‘reading’ for a 17 month old was strange, but I’ve acknowledged that was me being too literal and that OP didn’t mean anything by it.

That sounds like a happy secure child who is free to play and explore knowing you are near!

When you are "sitting doing nothing" you aren't actually. You are there in his background.

You are quietly doing something in his presence - you are both together but each happily occupied - that ability to be with someone while doing your own thing is very valuable.

Plus a mum who is rested and makes time for her own needs where she can is better resourced to respond to her child when he needs her.

Ok, Im a big fan of books from baby onward. Our 8 month old grandons reads his books, he has some little cloth books and some floating bath books, he is turning the pages by himself and staring at the pages.

Agree, mines been 'reading' since forever. I read to him at birth and he's always been interested in books. I'll often see him go and get a book and sit down and start reading it, he loves them

I think it sounds fab!

I'd probably add something in there like an educational thing. Wether it's getting them to help you do stuff but you have mentioned ' helping' so I'm sure that's what you mean

The 3 hr nap and chilling on the sofa - absolutely fine considering you have 12 hours to fill including the other 12 hours on call

Poster saying lazy and unproductive shame on them

You're routine sounds lovely and do you know what if others don't agree ? Who cares
But I suppose you did post and ask 🤪

Oh? Is it? Where did I say that?

Thank you @theRig

This morning he helped me put laundry into the washing machine and then he played with different containers, tipping chestnuts in and out of them. We also read some books. I also spent time reading my own book while he "read" his.

After reading some of the snark on here I agree with you I should just ignore people. This mum upset me a little, as though I was doing it all wrong, but I'm heartened to see most people think this is a nice routine.

And 100% agree with PP who mentioned "benign neglect". I was raised that way and have the best memories of a childhood where I happily pottered about the house myself, played out with my friends, but also have remember trips to the beach and museums and rainy days indoors doing arts and crafts with my mum and playing board games with my dad.

@BumpyaDaisyevna

That sounds like a happy secure child who is free to play and explore knowing you are near!

Thank you He is a very happy child and very independent. He comes to me when he needs me.

I'm about to dive into bed for a nap followed by an afternoon of maybe visiting friends, or maybe staying in and spending hours on end sitting on the couch reading Mumsnet while my feral child raids the bin for his dinner 🙌🏻

2 o'clock/ 3 o'clock: he plays with his toys at home. Sometimes I get down and build some things with his bricks or read books with him. Mostly I just chill on the couch and read. If I had a nap earlier I'll maybe do housework and he'll potter about "helping" until dinner time. 5 ish : dinner

It was the "mostly I just chill on the couch and read" - then later saying you went on Mumsnet on your phone and there was no difference between that and reading books, because your ds didn't care.

I took all that to mean you are on your phone all afternoon.

At first I thought “that sounds lazy” but when I thought about it more, and why I reacted like this, I decided differently. I think I have bought too much into the fetishisation of busynes. If you’re not constantly on the go go go from dawn till dusk, you’re lazy. Early risers are lauded. Busy people are praised. So on reflection I think the little bubble of chill that you and your toddler are in sounds just blissful actually. Enjoy.

Well that is an impressive reach in an attempt to justify making something up to berate the OP.

OP - enjoy your lovely wee boy and this golden time while it lasts. With children the only constant is change, so it is lovely you will be able to look back on this part of his childhood with a golden glow. It sounds lovely and chill - far nicer than helicopter parenting and constant stimulation. Children need to learn how to just be.

When my dcs were small I never “hovered over them” but they were all v v v physical and even after being out all day tiring them out they’d never have pottered about playing for more than 10 mins with toys at that age. They’d want to leave the room, climb up onto the windows , run and climb the stairs so no way in hell could we sit down and I’m a massive believer in independent play. They all had zero interest in toys until older. Now they are way older and all still v v physical but excel at sports and my dh and I are fitter in our late 30’s now than when we had small dcs.
Maybe your friend is jealous at how much downtime you get , at that age with all my three I was run raggad. They would watch tv but didn’t put in on for long at all.

Enjoy it. Lots of mums are stressed and exhausted. If you can relax do it

@Getthefiregoing exactly that, I'm glad you feel like that. There's some horrible nasty people on here - most of mn are lovely and you get some good advice - I've also seen a load of crap advice so I'm hoping you do feel you have a lovely little routine - because you really do. And slightly envious of the downtime ! My baby is very high needs and I've lost a bit of me lately
But I'm trying to get through best I can and you need to be supportive my people that will lift you up not bully you into thinking you are a bad mum - it's them thats bad x

The best post so far!

My dd was wonderful at entertaining herself, she had a very rich imagination and could play with anything. As a young adult, she went on to do an MA in Creative Writing (for fun) and I think back to those early months and years and how she expressed her imagination.

My next two weren’t at all like this but would have a set nap / rest time every day in their rooms and I never, ever used it for housework or chores, it was strictly for me or my own rest time. I’d have ended up burnt out and restful otherwise.

Treasure these times! No need to feel guilt tripped, you’re a great and lucky mum.